Queensland Police

Police Search For Face-Tattooed Bandit Who Stole Over $500 Worth Of Vibrators

There's always the odd one in the bunch, and the oddest among us tend to be disproportionately represented in the criminal community.

Things like murder and theft used to be...well, kind of 'normal'—as normal as they can be anyway. Now I feel like it's a competition between criminals as to who can commit a crime in the wildest, most surprising way in an attempt to reach the pinnacle of internet fame.

Back in MY day, thieves were predictable.

They stole things like bread and wads of cash and the holy grail.

Now, don't even try to guess what someone is going to try and steal. Sherlock Holmes is literally cancelled.

In Austrailia, Gold Coast police are currently searching for a perpetrator with interesting taste.

Queensland Police

The thief has been deemed 'Mullet Man', authorities have connected him to a number of large-scale burglaries in the Queensland area.

Security footage shows the man stealing a number of products from Surfer’s Paradise adult store.

Uh, yeah. He robbed a sex toy shop.

He stole over $500 worth of vibrators.

Queensland Police

The footage shows the man asking if he can expect certain toys, and when the cashier steps out to grab some for him, he sprints off without paying for the vibrators.

'Curly Mullet Man' also sports a number of interesting face tattoos.

Queensland Police

Two of his most prominent read "Never take my soul" and "Death before dishonor."

Police suspect that the same man has also stolen two cars, a mobile phone, and candy from a nearby convenience store, though his sex toy snatch seems to be getting the most attention.

Are we mad though? This man is low key doing God's work.

I know, I know— we're not condoning theft by any means.

But like, vibrators are expensive nowadays, and though I wouldn't personally run off with anything I haven't paid for, I'm not going to necessarily judge someone for doing what they gotta do.

Seriously though, have you looked at the price of a vibrator recently? How many did he steal, like 1.25 of them?

Queensland has seen it's fair share of sex toy stealing in the last few months.

Queensland Police

A different man in the area stole a number of items from BeDaring Adult Shop in Caboolture, Queensland in June.

Video footage shows him walking out with a sex machine stand and a few silicone appendages. What? How else do you want me to say that?

He may have stolen some good vibes, but this manhunt is bad vibes all around.

Queensland police are asking that anyone with information on either crime or thief to contact Crime Stoppers at 1800 333 000.

Alexa, play "Good Vibrations".

h/t: News.com.au