Hello, everyone, and welcome to the epitome of Canadian Culture: Caillou, the star of an animated children’s series. Twitter recently lost its collective mind over a revelation about the four-year-old-boy. Some things were said that cannot be taken back. Some things were said that should not be taken back.
How tall do you think Caillou is in the picture above? Because the answer will not only surprise you, but also confuse you. A two-for-one deal!
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Natalie Ziesmer asked Google a seemingly easy question about Caillou’s height, the answer she received was scary. Natalie’s next step was to rally the good folks on Twitter to find the answer.
Canada’s parents hate Caillou.
Seriously.
Is it because he’s whiny? Yes. Is he a brat? Yes. Do his parents let him get away with those things? Yes, for some weird reason!
Children tend to copy Caillou’s horrible behavior , and that creates nightmares for their parents.
In one episode, Caillou accidentally causes his friend to break his toe, and do you know what he does?
Whines that he can’t play with his friend. And his parents just…let him.
He is never punished for the bad things he does. Like, ever.*
*Hyperbole, based on my memories of rage-clicking away from Caillou the moment it came on when I was a child.
So anyway, now that you understand why Caillou is a national enemy…
It’s time to blow some minds.
Twitter user @NatalieZiesmer got bored during a round of insomnia and decided to google Caillou.
The results…are horrifying. Why is Caillou so tall? I’m concerned.
Okay, how tall is Caillou?
Apparently, Caillou is 5’11” tall, 171 pounds and his blood type is B+, which means his parents are at least ten feet tall.
Ziemer wrote: “Why is he 5’11 though with a Blood Type B+ y’all…If my man ain’t as tall as Caillou, I don’t want him.”
Caillou did say “I’m just a kid who’s four? each day I grow some more.” (We’ve linked Caillou’s theme song below. For funzies.)
Twitter had some questions, how tall are Caillou’s parents?
If Caillou is 5′ 11″, using the ratio from various photo sources Caillou’s mom is ~10 ft. tall and his dad is 11’6″.
The crucial question here is whether or not Canadians have been lied to.
Has Caillou been a fantasy series all along, and everyone overlooked that because Caillou himself was so annoying?
People started editing other children show cartoons characters almost immediately
How tall is Pappa Pig?
Peppa Pig is actually 3’9″ tall, but Google and Twitter reported she was 7’1” tall. She is the same age as Caillou, 4 years old, and lives with Mummy Pig, Daddy Pig and her little brother George. Other notable facts: Peppa lives at 3 Astley Street in Peppatown in “the little house on a hill” and her best friend is Suzy Sheep.
How tall is Curious George?
Curious George is a 5’3″ tall chimpanzee from Africa. The average chimpanzee is between 3’3″ and 5’6″ inches tall. Ted brought him back from Africa to the city as a child. According to pictures shown in the “Curious George” 1941 first addition book , as a child he was 2’5″ tall, the same height as a desk.
Does Caillou have a future playing for the Toronto Raptors? With a height of 7’2, that boy might be destined for greatness.
Much to think about here. Much to consider. Much to be terrified of.
Now Caillou theme song is now stuck in my head…
If it has to be in mine, then it needs to be in yours too. You’re welcome.
Some people had some regrets.
Listen, the fear of giant Caillou coming for you is valid.
But you know what? I’m gonna keep saying it: that bald kid was a real hater, and I do not feel bad for saying it! Okay? Okay.
Others came in with even MORE horrifying facts.
I always suspected that Teletubbies were large, but not that large.
How do we feel about this, guys? A 10-foot-tall Teletubby feels like something I would see in my nightmares, tbh.
Oh, did you think that you knew how tall Jimmy Neutron is?
Because you don’t, my friend. You fully do not.
Not only does Jimmy stand at 6’2, but he clocks in at 236 pounds.
Anyone else hoping these are the stats of a grown-up Jimmy?
The memes started rolling in.
Someone immediately started @caillou_ and tweeted out that picture.
And then they left it. The account has 1 tweet, and that’s it. There’s something very ominous about this, not gonna lie.
Night time Twitter is the epitome of the Bad Place.
I’m gonna need the next person with insomnia to not google the heights of beloved (Not you, Caillou) childhood characters.
It didn’t lead anywhere good. In fact, it changed many lives for the worse.
One level-headed hero emerged from the chaos.
Oh, we love facts!
The page the tweet links to has some truly graphic language, so watch out.
One of my personal favorite excerpts:
“Caillou is a whiny little French-Canadian spoiled brat […]” Yeah, that sounds about right.