You’re more patient than you used to be, but there are still triggers all over the place. People do dopey, selfish things for inexplicable reasons, marketers try weird gimmicks and what seems simple and straightforward turns out to be anything but. You laugh it off most days, but sometimes it’s just enough to boil the blood and boggle the mind.
1. This sure takes the wind out of your recycling efforts
Why even bother recycling your one can of tuna and pop a day? That’s just a drop in a polluted, plastic ocean when corporations are doing head-scratching stuff like this. Packaging a fruit that comes in its own natural container. Insane. Convenient — but insane.
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2. Tic Tac D’Oh: Speaking of obscenely excessive packaging
This one Tic Tac container holds another 60 tiny containers, each with six tiny Tic Tacs. It’s like the Russian Doll of breath mints. For a slogan, they picked “small but cool.” That has a nicer ring to it than “environmentally catastrophic.”
3. This is either bigoted or inexcusably, inexplicably sloppy
How can you muck this up? All you had to do was jot down the same number you used in the English example. Unless, of course, there are only 50 seconds in a “minuto.”
4. This is what happens when you don’t think about the customer and how they’ll be using your product
The all-black cards are cool enough, but why can’t they use the real symbols for Clubs, Spades, and Hearts? That would still be minimalist, but you could actually play Euchre without giving yourself a headache.
5. It takes work to avoid easy alliteration like this
Taco Tuesdays and Meatball Mondays. What’s so hard about that? It’s a gift. Don’t overthink it. We prefer Waffle Wednesdays and would wait until Saturday to serve those shanks of lamb.
6. There’s no pleasing some people, even if you please them
This reviewer loved the product, but he held back giving it five stars because he didn’t want the company’s engineers to rest on their laurels. He wanted them to “keep on working to make the product even better.”
7. Just imagine how long they’ve been planning to take that selfie
The reality is they’ve at least been planning it since they missed 77,777 by four miles because they were too busy texting. Going to have a big hill to climb if they miss 99,999.
8. Are these stairs or speed bumps on a hill?
Unless you have really long legs, you’re not sure what to do here. Do you take two small steps on each landing? Or do you leap as if your life depended on it, risking bruised shins and no small amount of shame and public ridicule?
9. There’s a special place in Hell for people like this
There’s a blazingly hot section for lazy litterers, too, but there are a few more pitchforks reserved for people who leave their empties on shelves for others to deal with. You bring it in, you bring it out.
10. Here’s the scariest part: You don’t know how long that note has been slipped into the sheets
Maybe the guest before you slipped it in there, or maybe it was even the guest before them. Either way, it’s a frightening find. Probably best to sleep in the tub.
11. It’s funny because it’s true: Missing socks confound mom
And everyone else who has ever done laundry. Where do the socks go? Studies suggest they most commonly go missing behind radiators or under furniture — or never make it to the washing machine in the first place. That or your washer has a very high divorce rate.
12. There’s a piano in the sky with everyone’s name on it
It’s usually a car wreck instead of a piano, but sometimes it comes in the form of a felled tree that targets your car like that dusty cloud that follows Pig Pen around.
13. “Can someone pass the salt and not matching pepper?”
These things are always sold as a set — why on earth would anyone combine one with a container that’s not like the other? Madmen, that’s who.
14. Does this person know how reading works?
While most like to read English from top to bottom, this genius thinks that we are going to read the smaller words in white and then the bright red “PIZZA.” They are so very wrong, and now this box just looks like someone wants to get rid of pizza.
15. Who knew a sticker that was 1/64 of an inch askew would be so bothersome? But it is
Like, super bothersome. Like, I almost want to photoshop this image just so that the sticker evens up, and so my type A personality can relax.
16. Cars don’t need space to park, right? Cool, I have a great place for this pole
It’s only mildly annoying when this parking lot is full, and there’s one spot left for some poor sucker who has to make the tough decision to either park outside the lines, or have the back of their car sticking out. So help me if any parking attendant gives them a ticket.
17. I’m not too sure the people who put up this sign know what the word “everything” means
If they did, then there probably wouldn’t be any exclusions that applied. But then again, here we are.
18. Don’t you just love having to move your head constantly just so you can see the puck?
That’s the only way to watch a hockey game, in my opinion.
If you’re not waking up with a neck cramp after watching your favorite team, then you’re not really a dedicated fan.
19. I don’t know why anyone would be upset — this guy’s stuff is clearly more important than anyone’s butts, considering this is a busy subway
Even he’s not using the seat to sit, so you just know there must be some treasure in those bags.
20. I’d be so mad, I would just throw the extra mozzarella stick in the trash
If it’s not going to fit perfectly on my cooking tray, I throw it away. That, my friends, is a rhyme to live by.
21. You could make it up but then you’ll never be able to remember it in a pinch
How exasperating is this? Five characters? There are scores of four-letter names, three-letter names like Tim or Don or Bob, and even two-letter names like Bo, Cy or Ed.
22. You might be able to dart between or go around them
Your best bet is to white-knuckle the wheel and repeat the mantra, “serenity now!” Elephant races like this can be incredibly frustrating and they’re definitely more common as more jurisdictions embrace “governor” technology to control the speed of trucks.
23. Honey? Have you seen those gift bags from last year?
Wrapping presents is tough enough when your tape works as it should. But when you can’t unstuck it no matter how long your fingernails are, it’s time for Plan B.
24. This is what happens when you don’t pay for protection
Power washers might not be mobbed up, but they mean business. If you don’t pay, your stairs will get whacked and then you’ll have to pay even more to clean up the mess.
