Ever since The Matrix came out, some people have refused to stop telling us that we live in a computer simulation.
But in all honesty, our world isn’t as clean and orderly as the one in that movie. Nope, what we’re living through right now is more like a chaotic, open-world video game.
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And if these pics are any indication, our game is a 6/10 at best.
1. Well, why wouldn’t they? This is just what you get when you pre-order the game.
So it’s less that New York is so wild that nobody bats an eye at a peacock, and more that everyone’s not that impressed that he paid extra.
2. Sure, why would the developers bother texturing parts we’re not supposed to see anyway?
Incidentally, this is what I’m gonna believe every newscaster is doing from now on until they prove otherwise.
At least that means the weatherperson is in the clear.
3. And of course, the bigger the game, the more likely there are to be glitches.
They could have patched this reflection bug soon after release, but some things are funny enough that you just have to leave them in.
But wow, as if presenting in front of the class didn’t make people nervous enough already.
It’s even harder to stay on topic and not mumble at the floor when everyone’s laughing because they think you’ve peed yourself.
4. And let me tell you, the AI isn’t all that great, either.
I’m sure watching people petting purses and calling them good boys was hilarious to the developers, but do they realize how sad it is when someone tries to walk one of them?
5. But no matter what, you can always count on some crafty hackers to get what they want.
I don’t know whether he hacked the laws or he hacked the pizza to make it walk and talk, but we’ll find out if he eats it.
6. Uh, excuse me, I believe the proper term is “respawned.”
Obviously, the game reverted back to an earlier version where the dog’s hair was like this.
That can happen when the game forgets it loaded the “run away event” and glitched her back to the house.
I mean, what else are we supposed to believe? That some phantom barber’s been running around cutting stray dogs’ hair?
Or that another family took her in and she ran away from them, too? Ha, that’s one’s even crazier.
7. Well, I suppose every game has to have an Easter egg or two.
Ooh, maybe this unlocks a secret quest where you scrape gum off people’s desks in exchange for all the balls on the roof! Exciting!
8. Hmm, I’ve seen this part before. You’re just supposed to let them be and pretend you saw nothing.
Otherwise, I think it’s like the chickens in the Legend of Zelda , where every cat just chases you forever if you attack one.
9. I think she just means she created a nice custom skin for him.
In other words, I think she just painted that on him because unless she’s a werewolf or something, those are way too big to be scratches.
10. Aww man, now he’s gonna think the toys were alive all along and he never really got to know them.
They were, of course, but the only way a Matrix-like simulation works is if everyone stays blissfully ignorant of it.
Wait a minute…oops.
11. I don’t know, I think it’s gonna involve one of the most epic quests the game’s ever seen.
I guess we shouldn’t really be surprised that there’s some kind of connection between the Devil and overpriced bloomin’ onions.
All I know is that we must keep digging if we hope to really find the secrets lying beneath the sizzle.
This better not turn out to be one of those fake secrets that one kid we all knew (whose uncle totally worked at Nintendo) kept lying about.
12. The world turning out to be a glitched-out video game is the only way I can see this making any sense.
I mean, what’s the alternative? That they had already gotten so drunk they didn’t realize this tasted nothing like alcohol?
That’s just silly.
13. This terrifying invention, which gives “foot of the bed” a whole new meaning.
I mean, these giant feet would scare me in the middle of the night. This is a strong no.
14. This coffee machine that knows exactly what you’re thinking.
Why is it a mind reader? Who needs tea? That’s a weak man’s drink. Get coffee or go home. Amirite, everyone?
Coffee is love. Coffee is life.
Honestly, in the choice between coffee and more coffee — who is to say what is better? It’s a win as long as there is coffee.
15. This cat, who is a little too good at playing dead.
This cat deserves an Academy award. Truly, the drama and charisma it takes to be such a good actor…it’s special.
16. This sign that makes you take a second glance real quick.
At first, I was like, “Woah,” then I was like, “Whaaat,” then I was like, “Ooooooh.” I wonder how well this works for them?
17. This microwave, which honestly speaks to my soul.
I wish I could control my own personal chaos with a predictable button. But no. I just fly off the handle at a moment’s notice.
18. This confused bargain hunter, who had to make sure they knew what a sale actually meant.
I mean, it’s 14 cents. But honestly, in trying times like these, every penny counts.
19. This person, whose reality was visibly shaken when they bit into a plastic apple.
I mean, it does kinda look real, I guess? But that would have been a dark moment for the biter.
20. This lunch pail that looks like it has a living soul.
Why would anyone design this like this? Who could look it in the eye? Who could carry this every day?
I would honestly rather carry my lunch in a plastic grocery bag forever than use this literally possessed lunch pale.
I mean, I’m not trying to scare small children with those beady eyes.
21. I gotta hand it to the developers. Making the hurdles invisible definitely makes this mini-game more challenging.
Though, given what else we’ve seen so far, I’m guessing they just did it to mock us again. Oh well, we’ll take what we can get.
22. Yeah, sometimes, the hackers go too far and just ruin things for everyone.
Can’t they just alter the code to give themselves winning lottery tickets and not give us any more dentist-related nightmares?
Like, fine, cheat the game if you must, but leave the rest of us in peace.
23. At the same time, I guess there’s something to be said for giving the game a strong modding community.
I can only speak for myself, but I’ll take 100 nightmarish dentists if it means I get a ride in the Shrekmobile for my troubles.
Because not only would I jump into that ride in a heartbeat, but he’d get an automatic five stars.
Like, I don’t care if he gets lost, stops to run errands, and farts the whole way there. It’s still a ride in the Shrekmobile, OK?
24. Why is nature always trying to scare us?!
That’s a terrifying sight these days. Sheesh, nature, what did we ever do to you? Oh… Right. The countless years of pollution.
25. I would freak if I saw this in person.
The lamp in the room reflected off of these glasses in the most perfect way possible.
26. This seems like one of those situations where some editor went “wait, crap” as soon as this tweet popped up.
27. Headless cat?
Naw, you just caught it during a head shake.
28. Of course that’s the way it is, but man, I never thought of that before…
29. Just take a minute to reflect on this.
30. This is the one that really got me. All those sad, hungry college nights, and I had no idea what I was missing…
They tell me it’s to fit hot water in there, but I donno. I can’t trust anyone these days.
31. This sign blew my mind.
32. It honestly took me a second to realize those were fingers.
So obviously, those weird feet were making me uncomfortable too, since I didn’t even notice what they were attached to.
33. This is just bed, bath and beyond anything I could imagine!
34. What in the hell is this cat trying to
Just resting its head, apparently
35. I’m sure we can all agree that it didn’t look like a closed eye at first glance
36. Tsk, tsk, tsk… Look at the way they reused assets like this.
So the developers thought that just because they look different as they get older, we wouldn’t notice their laziness, huh?
That’s what they get for forgetting that they let us take photos.
37. It’s the thought that counts.
I guess appealing to the thief’s sense of pity is one way to keep them from stealing your bike.
38. That’s a cute family pic right there!
This will be one for the photo album, for sure… Hang on. What’s that happening in the background? Well, alright then. Load ’em up!
39. That’s no dessert. Now I’m just grossed out.
The only time I want to hear the phrase “hard-boiled penguin egg” is if I’m asking for suggestions for my new band name.
40. Hmm, I’m not sure this roaring rampage of revenge is gonna work out if it depends on a bus schedule.
I guess that Hanzo sword was more expensive than she expected.
