There’s literally no point in lying to yourself. What would the point even be? You already know that you’re lying. And then when you realize that you were lying to yourself, you have to deal with the fact that the jerk in the mirror doesn’t even have your back. So why bother? It’s much better to just look at who you are and accept the trash with the less-stinky trash.
1. One of the toughest mental games when it comes to parenting is figuring out where the line is between venting about your problems and just straight-up roasting your kids on social media.
It remains to be seen if the latter leads to tougher kids, but someone’s gotta do it.
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2. I’ve never thought about this before, and I’m grateful that I don’t have to.
The closest thing to grave robbing I do is poring through people’s social media, looking for pictures I can get you to click on. So it’s not entirely different.
3. What’s even the point of being an adult if you can’t spend your money exactly how you want?
Apropos to nothing, whales sing, right? So if you had a whole pod of killer whales, all singing to each other, would you call that an orca-stra?
4. Being a same-sex couple apparently gives you an amazing opportunity to make a one-of-a-kind pregnancy announcement.
I tried doing the same thing with my wife when we got pregnant, but it just made everyone uncomfortable, and my family never really talked to her again.
5. If I’m being totally honest (and isn’t that the theme of this whole thing?), you could put this at pretty much every major milestone of my life.
If it seems weird that I made a joke like that right after talking about having kids, you’re absolutely right.
6. Clearly, this guy doesn’t believe in taking advantage of the whole “speak now and forever hold your peace” part. He wanted to voice his objections right away.
Why is her dad even there?!
7. Zing! Take that, Comcast.
As far as lifehacks go, you have to appreciate the commitment involved in doing this. Plus, once you’ve learned all the tricks of the trade, you can hook all your friends up. I’m sure there’s no way this plan could fail or backfire.
8. How to win at a game of baseball without even swinging the bat.
On the other hand, if this was a prank done to the kid, I’d have to imagine he changed schools the next day.
9. Nobody learns anything about themselves when everyone around them is being polite.
At least that’s my philosophy. Granted, that explains why nobody around the office likes me very much. Or, at all, if I’m being entirely honest about it.
10. Projecting your problems onto other people is one helluva drug.
This also has nothing to do with anything, but it took me a good long while to realize that this account’s avatar is of two people, not, in fact, of an air freshener.
11. Puns and self-esteem? Sign me up!
Seriously folks, do what you want when and if you get married. Take each other’s name. Mash it up into something different. Change the whole name and call yourselves your favorite Harry Potter character. None of it matters, so just relax.
12. Can’t tell if he’s being completely honest or just being clever, but I’m not mad either way.
I’m also thinking he’s going to be very disappointed when he realizes that he’s dropped his apple on the ground.
13. Finally, someone’s been able to put into words why we’re carrying this torch against people who vape.
Public safety and whatnot is all well and good, but the real hazard to public safety is standing between me and the blue raspberry cotton candy I was promised.
14. I am very, very, very, very interested in knowing what Elaine’s relationship is to these people.
I think my favorite running theory is that she’s the aunt of the last girl that the guy dated, and he forgot that they were still Facebook friends until she dropped this “BOO” on him.
15. I think we all want to grow up to the ripe old age of IDGAF.
Honestly, we don’t know the whole story here, but I do know that the dude in this photo can get it, so I’m not going to throw any shade at Grandma.
16. Apparently, this whole article is just morphing into a celebration of salty old people. And, frankly, I’m more than okay with that.
I can barely function at 7a.m., let alone work up the feelings to be mad at anyone other than myself. This isn’t Grandma’s first trip to the salt depository.
17. Yeah, I’ll go to your paint night, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to like it.
I’ve seen this picture around a few times before, but this is the first time I realized that he did actually draw the flower he was supposed to. Y’know, just bitterly.
18. To be fair, that’s probably better than whatever dumb stuff the kid was going to spend it on.
What do kids even like these days? Yu-Gi-Oh! cards? Are fidget spinners still a thing?
19. It might be time to do a wellness check on the people down at the old clothing factory.
Every time I look at this, my brain shouts “Dental pain!” then “Lisa needs braces!” And if you don’t get that reference, you’re super dead to me.
20. There’s nothing wrong with learning lessons that no one was actually trying to teach you.
It’s particularly noble to pass that knowledge down to the generations that follow. Not that anyone’s ever had the direction of their life changed by a yearbook quote. I don’t think? Now I’m curious. So hey, if you’ve ever made a life choice based on a yearbook quote, be sure to post about it in the comments.
21. Why is this so me?
I genuinely just had a check-in with my boss at work, and one of the questions she asked on the form was, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” and I just wrote, “LOL.”
22. Mother Nature really had her scumbag Steve hat on when she decided that childbirth should be an excruciating process.
But hey, at least you can get a piece of sharp metal jammed into your spine to help you through it.
23. In a bit of a meta twist, the real “being honest with themselves” person here is me because I actually took this picture. I just saw this walking home from work one day and thought y’all might get a kick out of it. I have no idea why it was there.
24. Because who doesn’t love feeling like they’re an entirely different person about four different times throughout the day?
More than anything, I’m just glad to see I’m not the only person who does this.
Sure, maybe this all got a bit too honest and revealing, but that was the whole theme of this thing, right?
