Having worked extensively in customer service, and having been a paying member of our consumer culture, I’ve seen both sides of the “customer is always right” debate.
The great thing is, it doesn’t matter. At all.
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The company wants as much profit as possible, so does the customer, that’s just the way things are. The really good stuff is when the customer — or even better, the company — decides to have a little fun with it.
1. I don’t even know what they sell here, but it sounds like a full-service establishment.
All I’m saying is that there had better be hand sanitizer at the register, the front door, and every 20 feet.
2. If someone sends you a message with this many exclamation points, they deserve whatever happens next.
I tried to count all of them, really, but then I woke up on the floor with no memory of the last two hours.
3. This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.
Like, at least have a doorbell or something, so we can let you know to come in and wash us. What is this, amateur hour?
4. Come on, Elise. That’s your excuse for everything.
Last week, all I wanted was for you to break a 20 at the register. At a certain point, I’ve got enough dildos.
5. It’s always nice when a company’s Twitter account takes a moment out of its day to dunk on someone out of nowhere.
Good call on not getting into fidget spinners, though, or their next game might’ve been Let’s Sell Assets To Avoid Bankruptcy .
6. This raises more questions than it answers, dude.
Did Domino’s put the pizza in an upside-down box? Do you not know which end of the box was up? This is going to require a Netflix series to discover the truth.
7. Unless her name is just a coincidence, hopefully Kim knows how to treat a food-related burn.
With replies this salty, it’s no wonder there’s so much sodium in Campbell’s soup. Bisque, please.
8. Listen, just because the pizza was supposed to have mushrooms on it doesn’t mean it’s carte blanche to unleash all the fungus you have.
What did Linda think the second photo was, the surface of the moon?!
9. Also, what is going on with your sunset-toilet deal? Because it is awesome.
I’ll trade you cats and apartments. My cat poops all boring-like, and my toilet is, well, let’s just say broken.
10. “Sometimes, the trail of life retraces its path a few times, but as you go back over it you will find that it is different” —Brent M. Jones.
He was the worst Uber driver I’ve ever had.
11. I can practically see the maintenance crew laughing as they screw the plate shut.
But seriously, what is with that silhouette of a dude with a mop? It’s almost like “yeah, you wish we mopped in here. Good luck!”
12. This is the most savage reply I’ve ever seen from any business. Even that Campbell’s reply above was a troll account.
I really hope this wasn’t that Virgin person’s last day, because we need them out there.
13. This clapback is so brutal it probably left a red mark.
Who knew Tesco was this savage? (Answer: anyone who’s used a Tesco bathroom in a moment of desperation.)
14. When you don’t have to give your name in a customer service chat, the urge to troll can be irresistible.
It’s a little creepy, sure, but the last line makes it work.
15. Listen, I love Taco Bell, diarrhea or not.
If you want 10 tacos at midnight, where else are you going to find a place that will satisfy your self-loathing and depravity to that degree?
16. See, that’s the problem with prairie dogs. Can’t predict the weather, won’t transfer you to the correct customer service line…
…but for real, the actual villain here is clearly the owner. Manage your dog, sir.
17. Wouldn’t it be great if United’s recent problems were all orchestrated by a disgruntled customer service department?
“OK team, we’re gonna have a rough year ahead of us, but trust me — business will slow right down by 2018.”
18. So if wrestling is fake, does that mean the chicken tasted like it wasn’t beaten at all?
Also, you could do worse than chicken that tastes like two sweaty dudes hit it with a chair, right?
19. Call me crazy, but that looks like the most legit cheese on a pizza I’ve ever seen.
Sure, it sort of looks like the river of slime in Ghostbusters 2 is escaping the pizza box, but I have extremely low standards for pizza.
20. To be fair to Sega, that is a nightmare-inducing username.
But to be fair to @HotPikachuSex, I think we can all agree that there was a certain understated erotic tension beneath the surface of Pokemon .
