I look back on my pre-kid life and laugh. I had no idea what “tired’ meant. I’d KILL to have the free time now that I did then. Gone are the days of standing in a hot shower, lazily shaving my legs, or taking the time to perfect my eyeliner (and caring — for that matter).
Welcome to the land of parenting, where we live life questionably. Not sure if that shirt is clean? A sniff test will do! Don’t have time to wash your hair today? Dry shampoo and a messy bun #ForTheWin. It’s a game changer once kids enter the picture. Luckily the people who made these memes understand.
1. Leaving the house without kids is so much simpler. You literally just leave.
With kids, you need to catch them, dress them, find all the crap they neeeeed (whiny voice), load them into the vehicle, and wrestle with car seats. All before you actually leave the driveway.
2. There’s nothing quite like being evicted from your own warm bed by your pushy offspring.
Why do those tiny monsters require so much room when they’re so small?! Let’s chalk it up to a life skill: Knowing what you want and taking it! Ya, that sounds better.
3. Lol at all the people without kids who swear their future children will never watch TV.
There was a time when I believed in strict screen time boundaries, tbh. Popping out a few kids will change that belief. We do what we have to do to survive, people!
4. You dream of the day when the last kiddo heads to school, giving you back some freedom…
Then you discover that school is really just a filthy cesspool of germs and that kids have magnetic powers that attract said germs. Enter sick days. Sigh.
5. If I hear “just relax” one more time…!
Heads up, husbands: Kids don’t raise themselves. And that shit’s stressful! But seriously, teach us your ways. It looks like so much more fun the way you do it.
6. The sass is REAL, you guys!
Some things get easier as the kids get older. Like, they stop defecating in their pants (or so we hope). But when one door closes, another one opens. Welcome to the world of back talk.
7. Kids have the innate ability to target our nerves and attack!
It’s no wonder we lose our shit all the time. But we always have the best intentions at the start of the day, don’t we? All I know is keeping your cool is easier said than done!
8. I wonder if this is a beginner recipe or whether advanced culinary skills are required to pull this one off?
Regardless, if anyone needs a taste tester, I volunteer as tribute. Yum!
9. You need an iron stomach to be a parent.
For real! The smells, you guys! Curdled milk, barf, poo, kid sweat. The list goes on and on and nothing on it is for the faint of heart.
10. I mean, I feel like I should be a tri-athlete or at least a fitness model by now with all the calories I burn by cleaning.
Oh and btw, yes! It does count as cardio.
11. School makes no sense today, amirite? I thought I had mastered all the basics by the time I finished my academic career. Man, was I wrong.
Sucking at elementary school homework will tear down even the most confident adult.
12. On the one hand, it’s sweet to realize how similar your kids are to you.
On the other hand, it’s terrifying to realize how similar your kids are to you.
13. Miley said it best: “We clawed, we chained … we jumped, never asking why.” It totally checks out!
Kids must have a built-in honing device for all our favorite things because that’s what they always end up breaking.
14. If it isn’t one thing, it’s another.
Every stage of parenting has its own special blend of chaos, and just when you finally figure out how to manage it, your kid moves on to the next stage and it starts all over.
15. Do y’all remember the beauty standards of pre-kid life?
I didn’t leave my house without a full face of makeup and a fresh blowout. I look at pictures from that time and curse myself for thinking I looked “gross.”
16. Never judge a parent by their school drop-off face.
You’ve just barely won the battle of getting your kid to school on time, you may or may not have had your morning coffee, and now you’re in the seventh circle of hell, aka the school parking lot.
