It’s easy to see why children think adults are superheros. After all, we tower above them, we drive giant hunks of metal, and we basically make all the rules. But what if I told you, most taxpaying, law-abiding adults don’t know what the heck they’re doing from day-to-day?
I for one am part of the problem. I can’t figure out what the lights on my dashboard mean, I spend all my money on overpriced coffee, and I rarely go to the doctor. Basically, what I’m saying is, most grown people shouldn’t be allowed to adult, and here’s why.
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1. This grandpa publicly embarrassed his granddaughter in the name of true love, and I’m having none of it.
At this point, the only thing this girl needs is some space from men.
2. Pop-Tarts were designed to be sweet, not savory, so this is unacceptable.
Add this to the list of things that people ruined for no reason whatsoever. At this point, I’m ashamed of the human race.
3. Because actually going to the gym is just too much work.
I seriously hope that this was a joke. Otherwise, I just feel like I’ve wasted countless hours trying to sweat off the pounds when I should have just bought a roll of packing tape instead.
4. I don’t even know if you can call this fashion.
Whatever this is, it’s gone way too far. I mean, ruining shoes is terrible, but ruining candy is just unforgivable.
5. They say that there is no wrong way to make art, but honestly, I think they’re just trying to make this guy feel better.
I’m no artist, but I feel like E.T. was just too iconic to try and replicate.
6. If jewelry is so expensive, then why is this guy putting it on his feet?
A sensible toe ring is acceptable, but this might be a little too much. It can’t possibly be comfortable to walk with those on.
7. Save some slushies for the rest of us.
Not only is this unsanitary, it’s also kind of rude. I can’t imagine there’s much more fruit-flavored slush left in that machine for everybody else.
8. Your ice cream swirl must be proportionate to your cone. Have you learned nothing during your time on Earth?
This is usually common sense, but apparently when it comes to frozen goodness, everyone forgets their past mistakes.
9. How many times do I have to tell people, just because you fit into something, doesn’t mean you should wear it.
That being said, this does look adorable on her, but I’m seriously afraid that it’s going to rip.
10. Taking a bite out of ice cream is basically the worst thing you could ever do to a dessert (and I’m including burning a cake in this decision).
Shame on you!
11. Light was made for candles, and candles were made for birthdays, and birthdays were made for joy, so why on Earth would you do something like this?!
I’m not being dramatic, I’m just pointing out the obvious.
12. Sometimes a regular old hat will do the trick.
You don’t have to reinvent the wheel to impress people. If you want to turn some heads, try coming up with a cool skill like juggling, or baton twirling. People love that crap.
13. We’ve all had to skip our breaks, but is this really necessary?
Someone give her a Lysol wipe before I gag all over the office. I can’t handle poop particles, regardless of how small they are.
14. Thankfully, this is literally the easiest tattoo to hide.
But something tells me a guy who gets this kind of tattoo never really gets embarrassed. In this case, resistance is futile.
15. You’re just asking for some pretty messed up tan lines, but I guess if you’re wearing these, tan lines are the least of your problems.
Hopefully you’re rocking these babies somewhere warm because I can’t imagine they’re very good at insulating.
