One woman who recently admitted to having been abducted by aliens is distraught over the fact that they brought her back to Earth, and is even considering suing the aliens.
Nancy Plainteeth was doing some gardening last week when she claims she was abducted by aliens.
“I was doing some gardening when suddenly a big beam of light came down around me and pulled me into the spaceship,” Ms Plainteeth told AA News. “Next thing I knew I was surrounded by aliens, flashing lights, and metal.”
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Ms Plainteeth wasn’t afraid though, as she explained, “[The aliens] said, ‘We come in peace’ and so I naturally said, ‘Pull the other one!’ I mean, with the crap we’ve had on this planet recently I wasn’t shocked and was ready for anything! Although, I was quite glad of the company.'”
The aliens were apparently trying to gather information about Earth, but found recent events on Earth too hard to follow.
Ms Plainteeth’s attempts to explain events over the last few years on Earth to the aliens were apparently too confusing and ridiculous for the aliens to comprehend.
“They had the same facial expression as I did when I was watching the last few episodes of Lost, poor things, and it wasn’t the language barrier confusing them either I could tell! They did say, ‘Take us to your leader’, but I just told them straight that it was all kicking off at the minute and I try not to get involved in politics. They looked a bit miffed, which is weird cause they’re aliens and I didn’t think aliens would be able to look miffed.”
Ms Plainteeth was ready to explore the universe with the aliens, but they dropped her back home rather sharpish.
Ms Plainteeth was keen to see the universe, but the aliens dropped her back off at her home after an unsuccessful week of trying to understand what humans were up to at the moment.
“Yeah, I was very annoyed when they put me back in my garden,” she went on to say. “There’s bugger all on TV at the moment that I haven’t seen, and I was glad to see the back of the general pandemonium on Earth for a while!”
We asked Ms Plainteeth if the aliens had given any indication of coming back, but she simply explained that the aliens had told her that “they would come back when the reboot of Earth was starting” before they “got in their little ship and buggered off as fast as they could.”
Ms Plainteeth hopes to sue the aliens, and make them pay for tantalising her with the prospect of a life amongst the stars.
“You can’t just come around here, dangling the prospect of an eternity of life amongst the stars in front of my eyes, then bugger off and leave me in my garden! Exactly like my ex-husband! Well, I’ve reached out to a space lawyer and he’s all over it!” Ms Plainteeth told us angrily.
We reached out to the “space lawyer” for comment, but he didn’t exist which really got in the way of us getting a quote.
Anyway, AA News would like to know if you would have wanted to go with the aliens, or are you enjoying the latest freakin’ insane series of Planet Earth? Let me know in the comments below!
Love to you all at this time,
Aunty Acid.
(Disclaimer for those who need it: This is obviously fictitious, so don’t be worrying about Ms Plainteeth and her imaginary space lawyer.)
