We live in a world of easily accessible information. With access to Google in all of our pockets, it’s a miracle that people can still get things wrong in this day and age. However, that’s probably because people would rather pointlessly lip-sync on TikTok than learn about the foundation of America… and I kind of get it don’t get me wrong.
So, in order to try and educate a few people about how the world really works, here are 15+ tweets for people who need to learn a thing or two!
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How Adults Function
It is truly staggering how many people in this day and age lack any common sense. The fact that there are genuinely people out there who need to take note of this is quite unsettling.
Cheese Loueez
Okay, so this might be about the logic behind cheese adverts as opposed to being about how to function as an adult, but his logic is still undeniable.
Grown-Up Drinks
Remember to stay hydrated folks! How much water have you drank today? I mean, I’ve drank none and four cups of coffee, but ignore that.
The Jort Method
There really is nothing less sexually appealing on a man than a good pair of jorts. I mean, I’d throw cargo shorts in there as well, but that’s just me.
Can You Ever Forgive Me
I hate that feeling where your partner looks really miffed but you’ve got an absolute zinger in your back pocket that you just can’t resist whipping out.
Driving Instructions
There’s nothing quite like exam stress to make people take to Twitter and share their nihilistic feelings.
But… Do They?
I’d love to see that moment in a marathon runner’s eyes when they’re half way through a marathon and they realise this, only to stop and find the nearest McDonald’s.
Cooking Umber
This is perhaps the most daddest dad joke to have ever dad joked! People clearly need to learn how to cook their umber.
Working From Home
There’s nothing like getting that odd day every now and then when you don’t have contact with a single person for 24 hours. It’s like doing one of those detox diets for other people’s crap.
Winning Mental Health
There is something delightfully quaint about using “beans” as an interjection! Almost any seriously negative situation can be undermined and softened by using beans. Try it in your daily life!
The Snack Game Is Strong
I never understand when people skimp on the snacks. We’re just going to have to stop again if you only get one bag of peanut butter m&m’s Brandon, just man up and get the second and third bag now!
Sooner Oats!
No man every wants to be out oated! There is no greater indignity in today’s society, remember that.
It’s Philosophy Time!
Philosophy students, and English students, really need to learn a thing or two about what it means to be a true academic! And that, my friends, is sitting in a bath drinking wine and looking aesthetic as hell!
Wholesomeness 101
While there have been a lot of funny ones on this list, I couldn’t help but put this little blast of positivity in!
“Well I’m Here!”
It is important to get to grips with office lingo before applying for your first proper office job!
Serial Comedians
From my experience, comedians also lack a general sense of empathy, much like most serial killers!
Living The Dream
Can you imagine not having that constant sense of dread whenever you turn the news on? That would be absolutely divine!
Spooky Facts
I’d love to spend the afterlife throwing lamps around and popping up in mirrors. I mean, what else is really going to be going on that’s more fun than that? Heaven? Pfft, as if I’m going to heaven!
Valentine’s Schmalentine’s!
In fairness, I’m guilty of doing this. There’s just something about the forced romance that makes me feel like I’m going to have to rip my skin off!
Take Note!
And, I’m sure that you’re just trying to be kind in your own weird way, but for the love of God stop doing this. I look like this even when I’ve had a full night of sleep, it is just my face!
