Sometimes in life, you’re presented with the opportunity to answer a question or make a claim that’s not really right , but is technically true. For instance, a chicken is a dinosaur. That’s not right. But it is true. Technically speaking.
The great songstress Whitney Houston once said, “It’s not right, but it’s okay.” When it comes to this list, the song should go, “It’s not okay, but it is right.”
Yep. That’ll do it.
It might not be the most detailed evacuation plan, but it definitely is an accurate one. As a bonus, most people will follow it even if they haven’t been told it yet!
Me too.
If you wear this while you’re running past someone, you’ll probably go by them too quickly for them to read your entire shirt. They’ll never know what you’re faster than. And neither will you.
Staycations.
These are the type of responses you give people when your biggest goal in life is to be called a smartass at every opportunity. The good thing about having that goal is achieving it is as free as travelling to Spain.
Here it is!
If you’ve ever wanted to know exactly where Scott’s head is, well, he’s got you covered. Just follow the signs and you’ll get there in no time.
Just a warning.
I think this kind of thing makes life more exciting and we should do more of it. Watch out! It’s garlic bread! Everybody get down!
Copy that.
You want to hear a great joke I just thought of all by myself? “Plagiarism: getting in trouble for something you didn’t do.”
Oh, come on. Whoever put this sign up definitely didn’t make up this joke either.
Five nights at Chuck-E’s.
Probably the only thing worse than nobody answering the phone would be one of the animatronics answering the phone, so it’s better to just not risk it.
Oh, I know this one!
This is like one of those math word problems from elementary school, except there’s no problem to solve and it just tells you the answer. C’mon, teach, give me a hard one!
Can I interest you in Russia’s square footage?
I mean, this is just silly. Obviously she’s referring to the 80’s Scottish rock band Big Country. Right? Anyone with me?
Sounds delicious.
I’m not a chef, but I do know how important it is for the chefs of the world to use all of their available hands.
For sale: baby clothes, very small.
I’ll have to make note of this one for when I have babies someday. After all, who’s going to teach them that baby clothes are smaller than most adult clothes if not their mother?
This kid is going places. The dog will go too, but just a lot slower.
I might steal this one the next time I have to fill out a form that asks me to circle my gender. If this artist’s depiction of the dog is accurate, neither of us would be lying.
Spooky!
Did he say his outlook was not so good? That’s what I’d say if I drank a Magic 8-Ball and started dying. Your last words should always be a joke or pun of some sort, in my opinion.
Just the facts, ma’am.
It’s important to consider everything when investigating a crime. At least, I think it is, and I watch a lot of crime investigation TV shows so I’m kind of an expert on the subject.
My bookshelf only has two books on it.
It looks like these two books are all I need to read for the rest of my life. I think I’ll probably start with the first one, though — I imagine it’s a lot shorter.
You’ve got yourself a deal!
This is funny and educational, which is the best kind of technically true response. It’s just as important for every bike owner to know how slow they can go as it is for them to know how fast.
Happy ex-girlfriend, happy life.
Referring to someone you’re married to as your ex-girlfriend is only one step below referring to them as your future ex-wife. The only difference is one is already true, while the other one is only going to come true if you don’t stop saying it.
I believe them. They’re the auto pros.
You know, when you think about it like this, there are a surprising number of ways to prevent old age as long as you do them while you’re driving. If you don’t drive, don’t worry — most of them work while you’re swimming too.
Feel better soon!
Be careful with this one. If you become the boy who cried broken fingers, nobody will have much sympathy for you when you eventually break your fingers for real.
Yeah, Karen.
Public transit is available for the public, Karen . Show me where in the law book it says that coyotes are not members of the public.
That’s what I thought.
For a treat you just can’t beat.
Forget seafood vs not seafood. All meat should be classified this way. Oh, sorry, I can’t come to your barbecue. I’m a pescatarian, which means I don’t eat meat with feet.
I’ve just got some great news from the doctor.
It’s strange, but I got the exact same result back from my last blood test. Does this mean if you’ve never gotten a DNA test, there’s a non-zero chance you might not have DNA?
Do you want fries with that transaction?
It never occurred to me before to use resume-building language on dating sites. You’re not lying, and you’re showing a creative grasp on the English language. That’s a win-win.
What does this sign say?
I didn’t know libraries had things you could read in them! I thought they were just air-conditioned buildings with free WiFi. You learn something new every day.
Congrats, Mark!
Okay, okay. I know this isn’t helpful if you want to know how tall Mark Ruffalo is. Let me help you out here: Mark Ruffalo is roughly 1.2 times the average ground level of the Maldives above sea level.
With Google’s help, you’ll be fluent in no time.
I think I’m going to write on resume that I can count to one hundred in Spanish. I’m not lying. Here, I’ll prove it. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
There’s no place like the neighborhood.
What a great deal! There’s nothing else of note in this Twitter screenshot besides the $1 Vodka Raspberry Lemonade for the entire month of June!
Don’t like this one.
I don’t even really like thinking about my own skeleton moving me around during the day — I definitely don’t want to think about all those pregnant people out there carrying a BONUS tiny skeleton around too.
Nobody tell the crazed Raptors/Golden State fans.
Another fun fact is that this is true about nearly every sporting event, except for Olympic level swimming and diving. In those cases, the whale is just a fun new obstacle.
