Unless someone really puts me through something awful, I don’t usually wish anything bad on people I don’t like. In fact, I hope they go on exciting adventures and make great new friends.
The only catch is that they have to do it very far away from me. I don’t want to deal with them.
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But let’s say I was petty enough to get specific with my misfortune wish list. I still wouldn’t put any of these things on it.
1. While it’s good that nothing got stolen, this still feels like a sign that somebody was out to get them.
If the gum-chewer were a real evil genius, they probably wanted this person to wonder what else they did. Was the whole interior assaulted by their bare butt?
2. I wouldn’t want any car to burst through someone’s place, but it somehow feels worse when it’s a police car.
Like, a loud, crashing sound doesn’t somehow get comforting when it’s followed by an even louder siren.
At least they can’t arrest a building.
3. Oof, I guess somebody took the “free cash withdrawals” sign a little too literally.
The worst part about this isn’t the inconvenience for everyone else. It’s the part where nobody else got a cut of the take.
Come on, ATM smasher, that’s just common courtesy.
4. Speaking as a tall person, that mirror looks big enough that we should both live in harmony.
I don’t know who we protest to get something done here, but I’ll stand behind my shorter comrades.
I mean, that’s basically what I do whenever someone takes a photo.
5. Yikes, I don’t know what happened at that party, but it probably started out a lot more fun than it ended.
At least this should be good news for everyone who hasn’t RSVP’d yet. I have a feeling Steve’s next few posts will get kinda bitter, though.
6. I’m sure the idea to put urinals in seemed this radical and uncomfortable at first, but I’m afraid I’ll have to stand in the way of progress here.
And wow, did the designer especially hate whoever sits on the right one.
Look, they have to borrow toilet paper.
7. OK, I feel like this has to be an act of hatred rather than a crime of opportunity at this point.
Because this is a fantastic way to ruin somebody’s week, but is there really that much call for random bike wheels, seats, and handlebars?
8. Gah! I don’t care how many Looney Tunes cartoons I adored as a kid, I would rather pee my pants than sit on this — at any age.
Actually, if I happened upon this by surprise, I wouldn’t really have a choice. Thanks for that, Bugs.
9. Apparently, this iguana just ran up on somebody eating lunch and swiped their wallet.
Which is not only a horrible thing to have happen, but also something that the waiter will never believe. So they’re broke and they have to spend the next hour washing dishes.
10. If I can predict human behavior like I think I can, there’s gonna be a lot of uncomfortable eating happening here soon.
As in, they’ll be aware of how dirty their car floor is, but the smell of those fries will be too hard to resist.
11. Right about now, I can really empathize with that kid in the front.
Because not only is he surrounded by nightmarish mockeries of his beloved cartoon characters, but he’s probably also aware that his sister is slowly giving in to the darkness.
No, Bart, it’s not OK.
12. Apparently, these guys waited in this spot for a half an hour in the hopes that the rain would let up soon.
And I wish I could tell you that it did, but this park ain’t no fairy-tale world. It’s suddenly a very wet one, though.
13. Apparently, this person did what most of us would do and tried eating this chip clump, but it really didn’t taste good.
I just hope we don’t start seeing this more often. Otherwise, we can only conclude that the chips have found a way to organize.
14. A TV demon isn’t as bad as watching the tape from The Ring, but it sucks to pay for Netflix, only to have it moan all the time.
At least it only haunts CRT TVs, so you should be fine unless you’ve time traveled back to 1999.
15. I admire the guts of getting a victory tattoo before it happens, but it must be hard to see defeat staring back at them all the time.
At least they can just laser off the bottom part…unless they wanna throw the whole team away.
16. Yeah, I’m pretty sure this isn’t how anybody wants their tour to end.
As bad as it looks, though, that’s probably as good of a landing as the pilot could have done in that situation.
The point is they kept the slicey bits away, so that’s A-OK.
17. Oh, we all know how it goes. It’s just your average day where you run over a piece of rebar and it gets stuck in your tire.
I mean, who hasn’t heard that sudden, unnerving thumping come from one of their wheels?
Just your average Thursday, right?
18. Ooh, seeing your parking spot hopes dashed by someone with this sticker just adds insult to injury.
If they have the same attitude to roads as they do to lots, their idea of sharing is taking one for themselves and “sharing” part of someone else’s.
19. So it’s not a big deal, but don’t tease me with an escalator if the plan is still gonna involve stairs.
And I’ve never done it, but switching between the two mid-flight must feel really weird. Like you suddenly start walking like a baby deer.
20. Hacking the planet all seemed like fun and games until some sadistic monster used their powers to cut off the cheesy crust supply.
I’m just waiting for the day when one of these rascals hacks my pizza order and takes the sauce and cheese away.
21. As much as my laziest self would appreciate the excuse not to mow the lawn, that doesn’t mean I’m willing to throw the whole lawn away.
There’s the heat, the smell of burning grass, and the fact that it’s right next to my house…
It’s a hassle.
22. Uh…does anybody else feel itchy all of a sudden?
Unless this selfie is her admitting defeat after a long, hard battle, I’m surprised she could stay still for long enough to take this.
If this were me, people would probably think I was a dancing machine, because NOPE.
23. I think that a private chef would be my first hire after I got to the Kim/Kanye level, but evidently, I don’t know how to be rich.
Only a fool does something like that, apparently. It’s only Louis Vuitton and unsatisfying ravioli for the true bougies.
24. Well, I guess the only silver lining here is that nobody involved has that far to fall.
Of course, that doesn’t suddenly make me wanna volunteer to be the guy at the bottom of this doggie pile.
An actual pile of dogs, on the other hand…
