One woman’s new, innovative way of cooking her Thanksgiving turkey has seen her become a culinary sensation!
This new method reduces the stress of the holiday season!
This newly discovered, ingenious way of preparing your Thanksgiving turkey will leave your head spinning at how easy, enjoyable, and stress-free it is!
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So, strap in, and prepare yourself for the future of Thanksgiving turkey prep!
STEP 1 — BUY A TURKEY
We’re starting off simple with the absolute basics here, just go out and buy the best turkey you can find!
STEP 2 — HAVE A GLASS OF WINE
Yep, you read that right, this step is absolutely integral to the process — and make sure you get that glass as full as possible to stick to the recipe as best as you can!
STEP 3 — STUFF TURKEY
Now, everyone has their own preference when it comes to what stuffing they want in their turkey, but the most important step is the next step…
STEP4 — HAVE ANOTHER GLASS OF WINE
This is one of the most vital stages of the process, you want to make sure that you pour that wine right into a glass, and then — and this is the really tricky part — drink it!
Also, make sure it is good wine, unless you only have cheap wine in which case…drink the cheap wine I guess.
STEP 5 — PUT TURKEY IN OVEN
Yeah, so you’re going to want to put the turkey in the oven at a…certain temperature. That temperature is…definitely something hot!
However, this really isn’t integral, the next step is the really important part!
STEP 6 — RELAX AND HAVE A GLASS OF WINE
Now, one of the main reasons this recipe is so much more stress-free than other recipes is that we’re going to pause right here for a relaxing glass of wine.
You should still have some wine, as it is crucial that you have loads of wine for this recipe…did I mention that at the start? I think I did, things are starting to get a little fuzzy now though, better have some wine to clear my head.
STEP 7 — TURK THE BASTY
If the burkey you need to be tasting is starting to talk to you at this point, then that is perfectly natural. Just ignore it and turk that basty!
STEP 8 — WINE, ANOTHER GET.
Yup, so jusht go right aheads and slosh out anotsher glass of red! Or white! Or…the other one, I forget, but it tastes like princesses’ dreams!
STEP 9 — DO A LITTLE DANCE!
This special dance will make sure that the turkey is nice and…tasty. Make sure you dance in front of the little window in front of the turkey though so it can see your movement-based offerings!
STEP 10 — BAKE THE WINE FOR ANOTHER 4 HOURS
Wine, make sure you bake it good. No one wants uncooked wine, it’ll make you sick and it makes God cry when you don’t bake it good!
STEP 11 — TET THE SABLE, AND…
The temptation will be to fall asleep at thish point, if already haven’t you have, but if you power through you’ll be stronger than you have ever been before…maybe!
STEP 13 — GLASS YOURSELF ANOTHER POUR OF WINE!
Thish is crushial to the overall effects and…urgh, I’m not feeling too great! Oh, you know what to do, pour that elixir of the God’s out already!
STEP 14 — REMOVE OVEN FROM TURKEY!
You sure don’t want no oven in your burkey! And that’s it! The perfect Thanksgiving dinner with half the stress!
Let me know if you have any tips for a stress-free Thanksgiving…or any good hangover cures, I may need some in the not-too-distant future…
Love to you all,
Aunty Acid
(Disclaimer: Don’t really be a dingbat and follow this recipe, trust me! This was a definitely-not-wine-induced satire!)
