10+ Funny Marriage Tweets To Print Out And Stick In The Wedding Album

You know how sometimes you like to sit down with the old wedding album and spend a few minutes flipping through its pages, admiring all the glossy photos of the happiest day of your life and remembering those moments with a nostalgic sense of fondness?

Yeah...wouldn't you just like to go back in time and tell younger-you what exactly they were getting themselves into? Same.

If you're also feeling like the wedding album could use some updating, I think you're really going to enjoy these tweets about married life!

It's an eternal battle that no one ever really wins.

The same goes for arguing over the thermostat. One person always prefers it stays at one temperature, while the other wants the entire house to feel like it's baking inside a pottery kiln that's been dropped into a volcano.

Which one are you?

WELL sorry for trying to make this family *eat fruit*.

I'll admit it, I'm really bad for this. But to be fair, fruit is really expensive, so as soon as something goes on sale you can bet your bottom dollar I'm filling my cart with it, and we're going to be eating blueberries for every meal this week.

Any takers?

Just to sweeten the deal, I'll happily throw in his favorite hockey jersey that he won't let me wash because it's "bad luck" and his favorite team won't win any games if I do.

Funny you should say that, Brenda...

Let's talk about your adult son who doesn't know how to do laundry, or clean the bathroom, or even make his own bed.

But no no, you're right, we definitely shouldn't enable our children.

Utter betrayal.

One time I got into his car and it smelled like McDonald's french fries and that's how I found out he got McDonald's french fries without me and to be honest, I have never experienced such betrayal in my life before.

Do it without me asking but also please do it properly.

I really appreciate you taking the initiative to do that but next time could you possibly remember how I do it and then try to replicate that so I don't have to come in and move everything you just loaded?

Thank you, love you.

I mean, at least he tried?

I'd just be impressed that my husband remembered what we did on our first date, or that he even planned something for our anniversary.

Even if it was the wrong theater, I'd still feel like a pampered queen.

So, *so* much worse.

You have to sneeze into some tissues for a few days — she has to witness you bravely battle the deadly illness that has plagued you, while also resisting the urge to smother you with your pillow every time you moan about how sick you feel.

The nerve.

Next time why don't you just rip up our wedding photos and throw them in the fire? At least then I won't have to take the damn duvet cover off and throw it back in the wash again.

Don't forget all the sticky stains on the counter.

Also, he likes to leave the table after dinner to let you clean up because even though every other night you're the one who both cooks and cleans up the meal, he figures his job is already done.

Thanks, honey.

Why is this so true?

The first one is also the person who always ends up having to pack the other person's suit case for them because if they didn't, they'd get to their destination and have to deal with the fact their spouse neglected to pack any of the essentials.

You know, like underwear?