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Quotes For People Who Know Marriage Is Mostly Just Petty Revenge Plots

My parents have been happily married for 30 years now, and if there's one thing they've taught me, it's that the secret to a long-lasting marriage is keeping things fresh.

How do they do that, you ask? Well, they make sure they have weekly date nights, even if that means just ordering in a pizza and watching Netflix; they try new things together; they cook Pinterest meals together; and of course, they enact petty, sometimes merciless revenge plots against each other.

That last one piqued your attention, huh? Well, if you want to know more about these kinds of silly pranks spouses play on each other, you're definitely going to want to check out these marriage quotes.

The evilest thing I can think of.

Let's all slow-clap for this wife and her brilliant way of enacting pure revenge on her husband who probably sat there spitting and cursing for those two hours while trying to figure out how a seemingly fine dishwasher could have malfunctioned.

Next cockroach will be in the garage.

My own significant other is terrified of spiders, so if I ever want him to vacuum our entire house, I just tell him I think I've seen a few spiders crawling around lately.

He'll spend the whole day cleaning our place top to bottom, that brave soul.

Just two losers.

Other time-passing games include "Have You Always Chewed This Loudly?" and my personal favorite, "Please Learn How To Breathe Through Your Nose, I'm 5 Seconds Away From Smothering You With A Pillow."

That'll teach him!

Look, it's a well-known fact that husbands hate unnecessary pillows, especially if they prevent him from getting into bed at night to watch TV.

So if you ever really want to make him lose his mind, just add a few more of those guys onto the bed. And maybe another throw blanket while you're at it.