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Marriage Quotes For People Who Know It's Not All Sunshine And Rainbows

Look, I'm a little sick of those couples in movies and on TV shows who pretend that being married is the greatest joy you'll ever experience.

Can we be a bit more realistic? Like, can we start showing those ugly, totally unromantic moments that happen too? I don't want to see a couple living in some perpetual honeymoon phase — I want to see them yelling at each other because one didn't dry off their feet before getting out of the shower, and the other got the ketchup lid all ketchup-y.

In the spirit of being transparent about all the highs and lows of married life, here are some quotes that prove it's definitely not all sunshine and rainbows.

And just like that, the ketchup is invisible.

For my next trick, I will put his belt away in the dresser drawer where it belongs, and then have it disappear forever because he swears he searched "everywhere" for it, so it must simply be gone.

Just two losers.

Some of our other favorite games include "Stop Breathing So Loudly" and "Seriously, Have You Always Been A Mouth Breather And I Just Never Noticed Before?"

And of course, everyone's favorite, "I'm Five Seconds Away From Smothering You Will A Pillow If You Don't Start Breathing Through Your Damn Nose."

So much worse.

You may be in bed with the sniffles, but she's the one who has to take care of you while you're in bed with the sniffles acting like you're actually dying a slow, agonizing death, and demanding she go fetch you another Gatorade, "but make sure it's a red one this time."

Thanks for sharing your morning breath, bestie.

I know we vowed to do this thing until death does us part or whatever, but if you don't stop waking me up at 5 AM with your hot-garbage mouth air, I'm calling it quits.