Diply

Quotes For When You Take Your Junk Food Very Seriously

I like to think that I confidently straddle the line between pizza snob and philistine. For example, while I typically prefer to order mine from smaller businesses that still make their sauce from scratch, I can't deny the satisfying, greasy perfection of a classic double-pepperoni pizza.

It's just a mood thing for me. Sometimes I want greasy joy and sometimes I want a thin crust margherita pizza with freshly made mozzarella.

So I'm not going to judge people who like to stick to the classics.

I will, however, judge any person who comes into my home and insists that we can only order from Dominos.

Or worse, Pizza Hut, where the dough to everything else ratio is ridiculous.

There is a time and a place for cheap, chain restaurant pizza.

If I'm just finishing a long overtime shift, starving, and exhausted, that $5 Little Caesars Hot & Ready pizza is perfectly tasty. Bonus points if the location also has Crazy Bread ready.

There is no such thing as terrible pizza.

But like any junk food, there is a spectrum of deliciousness.

No one actually prefers those chain pizza places. They either just default to them out of habit or there's that one menu item that keeps them ordering.

My father insisted on Pizza Hut for years because he wanted their "Edge Pizza" which was thin and mostly crustless.

Which I was okay with mostly because the rest of their menu suffered from an overabundance of chewy crust.

But it still kind of tasted like meat and cheese on cardboard.

So yeah, I judge people for their pizza choices, but I'm also okay with compromising when ordering for a crowd.

Save for one important caveat: pineapple is not allowed. That affront to decency will not be tolerated in my home.