I got my first copy of The Sorcerer’s Stone when I was 11 years old — the same age as Harry! The first movie was set to drop a year later, and it jump-started my obsession with the series.
As we get older, however, some things might jump out a little more than they did as kids. Innuendo, impracticality, and general ” wait a minute” moments are all throughout the books and films.
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So check out some fun and funny things about this magical series that you may have missed as a kid. Of course, this is all just for fun — most of these things are either disproved by the books or J.K herself, but the jokes are still there. My apologies to the true Potter fans who will definitely groan at me, lol.
1. Are these kids going to learn any other skills?
I mean, they enter Hogwarts as 11-year-olds, don’t you think you want to teach them some, like, math or something? No? Just gonna learn how to float a feather and turn your pet into a cup, huh? Sure, practical.
2. Harry is…kinda useless, right?
This is probably more apparent in the earlier stories than the later ones, but Harry would’ve been long dead if it weren’t for the genius of Hermoine and the “idgaf” attitude of Ron. I think that troll would probably have just clubbed him to dust.
3. One of the founders of Hogwarts was Salazar Slytherin, an obviously dark and evil wizard — and everyone’s cool with that.
Roll call! Okay, we’ve got Godric Gryffindor — brilliant. Rowena Ravenclaw, oh, very smart, wonderful! Helga Hufflepuff, so full of love, this is great! And you, sir, in the dark cowl that’s billowing black smoke and surrounded in snakes…you’re in too! Now let’s go teach some kids.
4. Speaking of Hogwarts members, do they do any kind of background checks or something for the teachers?
I mean, this dude Remus was a straight-up werewolf! I get accidentally letting some guy in who has the dark lord of all evil attached to the back of his head — we all make mistakes — but a werewolf? Okay.
5. Hagrid and Madame Maxime were lowkey kinky AF, right?
Don’t tell me that her seductively picking food out of Hagrid’s beard doesn’t get hotter and weirder as time goes on. I’m just glad they cut the scene short.
6. We’re just…we’re just cool with love potions, too, huh?
There’s just something about love potions that doesn’t seem, I dunno, consensual ?! It’s not a “fun little prank,” ya gross ol’ Weasley boys.
7. Ron swore like a sailor, but Rowling wrote around it.
According to Pottermore, J.K. Rowling said that Ron’s character would definitely swear, but of course, this is a kids’ series. The example is from The Prisoner OfAzkaban when “he called Snape something that made Hermione say ‘Ron!'” instead of just blatantly calling him a [also redacted by Diply’s editor].
8. The whole Peter Pettigrew thing was messed up.
He’s a villain and all, but hiding out in an 11-year-old boy’s pocket is next-level creepy. Plus, he apparently showed up on the Marauder’s Map , so why didn’t Fred or George catch on to this skeezebag?
9. Getting your soul sucked out seems a bit severe, doesn’t it?
Capital punishment is one thing, but this just seems cruel and unusual. Oh well, might as well have them patrol the school with a ton of young kids attending. What could go wrong?
10. There were a lot of fatalities at Hogwarts.
I know that most of it comes from the bad guys doin’ their thing, but they really don’t want to pause school much for anything, huh? I bet the poor kids don’t even get snow days.
11. House Elves are slaves, which is also apparently just fine with everyone.
Sure, it’s mostly the antagonists of the story who own house elves, but the fact that slavery isn’t just abolished across the board is way messed up.
12. They just keep sending Harry back to the Dursleys.
Harry, you’re going to be the savior of the world and will one day need to sacrifice yourself to stop Voldemort — it won’t be easy. In the meantime, we’ll drop you off with your abusive, magic-hating family for the summers…uh, enjoy!
13. The Ministry Of Magic makes the Orwellian Big Brother state look like a utopia.
Forget cameras and doublespeak, the ministry just uses magic to keep tabs on everyone and sentence them as soon as they break a rule.
14. Hufflepuffs puffed the huffle, right?
I’m sure I’m not the first to point this out, but it seems like Hufflepuff is a house dedicated to gettin’ it on like Tommy Chong. Majoring in Herbology? Bet.
15. Moaning Myrtle is a peeping Tom.
Being sad in your own bathroom is one thing, but actively jumping into a tub someone else is bathing in or popping out randomly in an occupied toilet — cool your jets, ya thirsty ghost!
16. Lastly, and I know this may sound primitive, but couldn’t they just straight-up shoot Voldemort at some point?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. I’m sure Arthur Weasley has a Muggle gun that he doesn’t use or know what it does — just borrow that and bam! Roll credits.
