You gotta be honest in life. There’s no time to mess around pretending to be something you’re not.
And what if that inner you, just begging to be unleashed, is…well, a little extra?
RELATED STORIES
Good! Do it. It’s 2018, the world could end any day now. After all — if something’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.
1. Autograph? Amateur. I got me the essence of the performance, right here.
The real temptation would be to not open it and inhale for old times’ sake.
Until you remember what a packed crowd smells like. Maybe just see what you can get for it on eBay, yeah?
2. Cool Wonder Woman costume, that’s…oh.
That’s…not a Yoda mask. Why is Yoda looking at me like that? I feel very uncomfortable with these Yoda eyes, and I need an adult.
But hey, props for making little green aliens scary again.
3. I’ve worked retail and fast food, and yes. This is accurate.
I have to admit, though, my mom was the worst for this when I was growing up. Ever seen a Pizza Hut manager cry over pineapple? Because I have, and I’ve pitied that poor man ever since.
There’s definitely a good chunk of fast food customers who could use a wake-up call.
Whoa! Not a heart attack, a wake-up call. Jeez. The food’s cholesterol is bad enough for the ol’ blood pump, no need to test their reflexes.
4. Listen, you can do the crossword, or you can DO THE GOSH DARNED CROSSWORD.
Let’s be real, though — there’s at least a 30% chance that this dude is just googling the answers. You crafty devil…
5. I have a theory that this started as one of those Red Bull cars before things got outta hand.
But hey, why would you want a branded car when you could have a mythological vehicle beast?
6. “That better be the last customer complaint I get about there being no TV in the waiting area.”
This is the retail equivalent of the little brother standing in your doorway all “I’m not in your room.” A bold move.
I’m still conflicted, though. I know I always appreciate a TV in the waiting room.
It helps pass the time. On the other hand, I do like to read the box that my high-end electronics come in.
I have strange hobbies, so what?
7. This man has collected all 1,876 Pokémon. Today, just now.
He’s been playing for five minutes. Unfortunately, it took him three years to develop this custom rig, so he’s still a little behind. Still, good effort.
8. Don’t let anybody tell you how far back your eyeliner can go.
You drew these glorious wings. Now use them to soar, little eagle. Soar above us all.
Frankly, there’s no such thing as too much fashion. Sorry, sweetie.
You’re supposed to feel like a superstar, so you can draw whatever you want on that face. It’s your own flesh, gorl.
9. I’m pretty sure this would destroy my back. I’m also pretty sure it would be worth it.
Who cares about sore vertebrae when your computer chair is lifted from a Disney castle? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
10. If somebody tells you not to upstage the bride at her wedding, that person is a nervous bride.
If you didn’t want me to be the highlight of the evening, you shoulda invited someone boring. I’m just saying.
11. Of course, anything with Beyoncé (or her fans) is bound to get extra.
But apparently being extra with cereal doesn’t mean you can aim the milk at all.
12. Weddings are a time to be your best self. And also steal the show whenever possible.
And hey, don’t get scared just because you get tangled up in a veil. Just take those emotions and use them. This is your photoshoot now.
Basically, don’t let your dreams be dreams. Not getting married? Wear that dress anyway.
That way, even if you’re single, you’re still the best-dressed customer yelling at the fast food employee. Live your truth.
