Staying Friends With An Ex Ruins Relationships According To Study

For most people, breakups are horrifically uncomfortable affairs which involve a lot of arguing, often over quite trivial things!

However, there are some former couples who can find a way to remain friends after their relationship has ended.

A study conducted by Lindsey Rodriguez, assistant professor of psychology at the University of South Florida, recently looked into both how many people keep contact with a previous lover, and why they do this.

The study was based around survey answers provided by around 400 students who were in a relationship that was at least a month old, and who had previously dated someone for three months.

The first study looked at the specifics of breakups; in particular, what the breakup was like, and how they felt in regards to their present partner.

This part of the study revealed that, "[people] who still communicated with former partners reported higher levels of romantic feelings for their former partner and experienced a poorer adjustment to the breakup [...] [Also] these individuals reported lower commitment to their current partner."

Professor Rodriguez and her colleagues isolated a few reasons as to why people may remain friends with an ex. These included the likes of people who still have overlapping social circles with their ex, as well as those who were keeping in touch with an ex in case their new relationship didn't work out — and if the reason they were keeping in touch with the ex was the latter in these examples, unsurprisingly it negatively impacted the current relationship. The study explained:

"If individuals perceive that they are heavily invested in the relationship and that there are few desirable alternatives to the relationship, they are likely to be more committed and satisfied. However, when other desirable alternatives to the current relationship are available, commitment may decrease, particularly given romantic (i.e., backup) motivations with the former romantic partner."

While the idea of your partner communicating with a previous lover may seem like a strange and unpleasant notion, Rodriguez says that it may not necessarily be too bad a thing:

"Generally, this research shows that communication with former partners is not universally good or bad for current relationships. The important factor is why the person continues to communicate with the former partner [...] It is possible to continue to stay friends with an ex for purely platonic reasons, and that can be inconsequential or positive for the current relationship."

However, there were still plenty of warning signs that people who remain in contact with an ex may be doing so out of a feeling of not being able to move on with their life.

Sure, sometimes it is possible to remain on good terms with someone you have broken up with, but the key it would seem is the context of the communication you have with both your ex and the person you are currently in a relationship.

Above all, when getting into a new relationship you need to be sure that you have fully moved on from your previous relationship, as otherwise it can be detrimental to your health as well as your relationship. In Rodriguez's own words:

"Many people find themselves 'stuck' on former partners or unable to really break away from the idea of a relationship with them. When this happens, they experience higher rates of depression and anxiety, and are less likely to find themselves in a healthy new relationship."

h/t: Vice