Coworkers are mysterious beasts. They are people that we spend an inordinate amount of time with, yet often know curiously little about.
Well, one person took to Reddit to find out some of the most shocking and strange things that people had discovered about their coworkers, by asking, "What's the strangest, non-sexual thing you've ever learned about a co-worker?"
The answers varied from the disgusting to the strangely heartwarming, and I have gathered a veritable mixture for you all below.
"That my straight-laced, clean-cut, bespectacled, quiet and courteous coworker used to be hard into heroin, ran in a gang, and had a few assault charges. You would seriously never know. He gave off no vibes or had any mannerisms and had a polite face and cadence. He always wore a pressed long-sleeve dress shirt and a sharp tie. He never rolled up his sleeves even if it was hot and everyone else did.
"The reason I found out about this is one day I actually caught a glimpse of his arms which had two full tattoo sleeves. Taken aback, I asked him about them, and he told me the story. He was so curt about it, I didn't believe he was making it up. I asked my other coworkers who had been there longer, and they said he apparently met his wife and turned his life completely around." — UptownShenanigans
This is a great story to show that people can always turn their lives around, no matter how far people can think they are stuck on one path, there is always a way back.
"I worked at a record store in my early twenties. There was a guy about the same age maybe a bit younger then me. Really nice dude, he was always well dressed, blazer, khakis. The rest of us just wore jeans t-shirts. He always seemed slightly more professional then us.
"I went to his house once after work. He lived with his mom, which was fairly normal for people I hung with as most of us were university kids. We were hanging in the piano room, he was showing me some songs he was working on. He went to get us drinks and came back with his in a sippy cup. Like a kids sippy cup. I asked why the hell was he using a sippy cup. He said he spilled a drink in the room the last week and now his mom makes him use a sippy cup." — poridgepants
In fairness, I don't trust myself around my own music equipment not to spill drinks, so a sippy cup could be a good investment — I could fill it with Red Stripe and be the ultimate hipster.
"I had this sweetheart 50-something coworker lady casually mention to me that she had been shot in the head. Turns out she was a badass biker chick in the 70's and her boyfriend got drunk and shot her in the head one night.
"She kinda got teared up and said I was the first person she had told in like 30 years. Her biker name was roadrunner, and now she collects little knick-knacks in her cubicle and talks about her grandchildren all the time." — mgros483
I can't help but picture a stereotypical grandmother type figure in a cardigan talking about that time she got shot. It's a real clash of images.
"I once asked a coworker if he had any big plans for the weekend and he said, 'just getting ready for Presidents' Day' I thought this was strange but upon further questioning, it turns out that he and his son (kid was in first grade at the time) celebrate Presidents' Day in the same way that my family and I celebrate Christmas. my coworker started this tradition because he and the kid's mother have always split custody on major holidays so they have all these cute traditions surrounding Presidents' Day instead.
"Festivities include reading children's books about the presidents/us history in the weeks leading up to the big event, bringing out the 'Presidents' Day mattress' from storage and decorating it and then 'Monty the Presidents' Day moose' brings his son Presidents' Day presents the morning of. I think it was one of the sweetest yet weirdest stories I've ever heard. Plus I imagine his son knows substantially more about US history than any of his peers." — hedgehoglady
I hope that one day, "Monty the President's Day Moose" becomes an actually celebrated figure across America. I think we need him now more than ever.
"There was a really tiny, adorable old man named Dina that would clean the floors and keep everything in order. He was the sweetest thing and was so nice to everyone. Basically the friendliest guy I've ever met. He had this weird rivalry/hatred for an equally tiny, equally old Asian lady named Cha Cha. No one was sure why but they couldn't stand each other. They would fight constantly and erupt into random screaming matches during the day.
"Many months later I saw the two of them shopping at Costco... holding hands. Turns out they were married and tried to put on a huge show so no one would find out. I'm not sure why- we didn't have any rules about coworker relationships. Cha Cha gave me a handmade coupon for a free back massage in exchange for my silence." — -Nigel_Thornberry-
This is one of the most adorably quaint things that I have read on the internet. I'm not sure if I'd be too keen to exchange a "handmade coupon" for a massage though?
"One of the nicest people I've ever worked with, I caught crying because it was the anniversary of when his father killed his mother in front of him when he was six. Very sad." — Whompman
I wouldn't even know how to go about trying to comfort someone going through such a traumatic moment. The person who wrote this said that they tried to comfort them as much as they could without prying.
"There's this lady in dispatch who won close to $12,000 at a casino and then lost it again later that night. Walked out of SkyCity with seventy f*cking dollars. Her husband nearly left her over it." — OmarGuard
Gambling can really put a lot of strain on a relationship. It's easy to say, "Just know when to quit", but when you're in the moment it can be easy to lose control.
"My elderly coworker wrote King of the Hill fanfiction as a hobby. She showed me a massive three-ring binder full of scripts but never let me read them." — 5firtrees
I mean, I guess everyone needs their own passions to pursue, they must get something out of it!
"I work in technology, a co-worker makes 'pimp suits' that are bulletproof." — BelieveHIStory
As much as bulletproof suits may sound like something from a science fiction novel, there are many strides being made in this area. Why? Who knows!
"A female coworker had an Instagram account with over 40,000 followers... for her guinea pig." — Tree_Eyed_Crow
Hordes of people demanded to know what the account was, and the person who posted this eventually replied that it was called fuzzberta... and yes, that guinea pig above is fuzzberta which they eventually linked an image of!
"Once I was a young manager, about 12 years ago. I hired an ex-con because I never minded and they were really hard workers. I always cared about my employees, so I asked my guy why he was having neck problems since he rubbed around his neck. He ended up breaking down and telling me how he just a week ago tried to hang himself. It was pretty upsetting since I thought the guy was amazing and one of the best employees I ever had." — d3mig0dj
The person who wrote this went on to say that they spent a lot of time hanging out with this person after work from then on, and they became quite close.
"One of my employees confided to me that he has a Tulpa. It's basically an imagined entity he created by spending a lot of time meditating and visualizing it. He has conversations with it, plays games with it in his mind, and says he even lets it 'take over' to do repetitive work, like washing dishes, for him. He's had his tulpa for close to 20 years now. He knows it's all imaginary and he's a perfectly normal person otherwise." — Vika_and_boxer
So, what you're saying is that they had an imaginary friend. Yes, I'm overly cynical. And no, I'm not going to believe that there's such thing as a tulpa.
"She was 25 and in medical school, so she was obviously a very responsible person. She also had a midnight curfew that was strictly enforced by her sister who was in law enforcement. Needless to say, when we talked about dating, she had never been on one." — cheezwiz62
Wow, it sounds like that relationship has the potential to get quite intense. Imagine being arrested by your date's cop sister on the first date.
"One Man in his early twenties said he liked drinking milk from women, not for any sexual thing, but because it had magical healing powers and would stop him from ever getting sick again. He even found a woman only 20 minutes away that liked the idea.
"Now I am not going to judge the guy if he said it was a kink. Everyone has kinks. The thing that was weird to me was he seemed to believe milk was magical and would keep him in perfect health all the time." — Windain
Apparently, when the other people in the office found out, they weren't as relaxed about this guy's hobbies as the person who wrote this.
"I Googled one of my coworkers and found these weird conspiracy theories about him and his family. Apparently there are people that believe they are crisis actors. Basically they believe they are actors paid by the government to pose as relatives of mass shooting victims. There were also a few sites claiming he was posing as a political leader and a serial killer." — poopitypoppin
I don't know how anyone could believe something like that. This person went on to say that their coworker eventually told them that there was no truth in the things online; however, what would you believe?
"A person I worked with was walked out of work one day in handcuffs by a gaggle of feds. Turns out, when he was settling his divorce to his previous wife, he decided he wasn't going to pay alimony. He faked his death (I guess it was thorough with a burial plot, death certificate, etc...)
"He moved to Mexico and started medical school down there. He had almost completed it when his mom tipped off the feds. He was always a reallyly nice guy and super interesting with all kinds of good hobbies and stories."
I know that there is a lot to unpack here, but I want the official collective noun for feds to now to be a "gaggle", just like geese. You're a genius whoever wrote this, thank you.
"In one of my jobs in high school, my boss came into work looking shell shocked. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me he had just learned that his biological parents were siblings. (He was adopted, and didn't know his actual parents.)" — BobbyBobRoberts
At first, I read this as though the people who adopted him were brother and sister, and I just thought, "I guess that's pretty weird". However, the second read really amped up the fear factor.
"When he was 20 years younger he got slightly wasted with our king when he bar-hopped with him and a few friends. The king's bodyguards didn't notice that the king went to a different pub with them. After an hour or so, the bodyguards finally found them and barged in the pub in full panic mode. The king was enjoying his precious beer in the meantime.
"The guy is not a guy that makes up stories, so I believe him, especially in the way he told me." — fabales
This guy went on to say that this took place in Norway, and the royal in question is known as "'Prins Pils', which means Prince Pilsner." If only all monarchs were this fun!
"I had a co-worker that did 15 years in prison for murdering his wife. Super nice guy...Never would have known unless he told me. His daughter, (from the murdered wife) was one of my subordinates and they were actually close. Very strange deal." — WheezinThaJuice
So, did these stories make you want to start looking into your own coworkers, or would you rather remain blissfully ignorant of whatever they're hiding?!
