10+ Hilarious Tweets From Women To Cheer You Up After You Check Your Bank Account

I have made it very clear to my boyfriend where he is not allowed to propose to me, should he ever feel the need to devote himself for me for life or whatever. I guess now I'll be adding "Olive Garden" to that list.

Also included: jumbotrons at sporting events, family gatherings, or any crowded places where our private moment has an audience.

Honestly, I hope I never end up with someone who tries to give me unwarranted workout tips.

You can kindly keep those opinions to yourself where they belong.

I know there's a difference, like, I'm sure of it... I just don't know what that difference is.

Cheese? No cheese? I'm useless.

I've never even met most of them but the minute my mom posts a picture of me on Facebook, my fan club suddenly comes out.

Yes, I'm looking at you every-female-celebrity-ever.

You've got some nerve.

The name has to suit your lifestyle, so make sure you test it out, get a feel for it. This is very important.

I feel like I spend way more time writing things on my to-do list than I do checking them off. And I don't ever really see that changing, to be honest.

I'm a need-it-right-now kind of person, and that attitude extends into my cooking habits. I have zap-fried many things in the microwave that definitely do not belong in there.

My entire University career was spent re-introducing myself via some very awkward icebreaker games in which I either had to come up with an interesting fact about myself, two truths and a lie, or by sharing my favorite flavor of ice cream.

And then proceeding to never talk to anyone in any of my classes.

The anger that I exhibit while trying to force a comb through my tangled hair is honestly startling. Like, I don't know her. She's terrifying.

If you aren't scooping an inordinate amount of ranch onto your chicken strip then I'm sorry, but you're not eating those right.

Every time I get behind the wheel I lose every ounce of tolerance I have for other people and I turn into this bitter woman violently cursing every single person who dares to pull out in front of me.