Ah, Capitalism—the scourge and savior of our lives. The capitalist machine is like Matt from Tinder: He makes your life a living hell because he couldn’t give a crap about you, but you keep him around cause you have, you know, needs .
Every minute you’re spending at your cubicle, the CEOs of the world are attempting to maximize their profit off you even more than they already have through the invention of futuristic hellscape-eque products. Today, that such product is the StandardToilet .
RELATED STORIES
The internet was first alerted of the StandardToilet after a revealing Tweet which, in my opinion, should win a Nobel Peace Prize for investigative journalism.
The StandardToilet is a toilet built to be slightly tilted (13 degrees downward to be exact). The point of the tilt is so that when sitting to do the do , people will get uncomfortable leg cramps after a mere few minutes.
But why, you may ask, would you WANT a toilet that causes pain?
The people don’t want it, but the corporations sure do.
The point of the StandardToilet is to maximize productivity by limiting the amount of time that an office worker would want to take a bathroom break.
Is it kind of cruel? Yeah, but what else are we expecting from Capitalism? Mercy?
The 13-degree angle is specific for a reason.
The Standard Toilet was approved by the British Toilet Association (BTA) because “Anything higher than [13-degrees] angle would cause wider problems,” according to StandardToilet founder Mahabir Gill.
“Thirteen degrees is not too inconvenient, but you’d soon want to get off the seat quite quickly.”
Gill isn’t trying to pretend that the StandardToilet is helpful to its user in any way, shape, or form: “Its main benefit is to the employers, not the employees,” he explains, “It saves the employer money.”
Maybe it’s time to start taking shorter bathroom breaks so that your boss doesn’t invest in a StandardToilet.
I mean, yeah, this is probably pretty concrete proof that we’re living in a crazy dystopian Big Brother-Eqsue monstrosity of a society.
That’s it actually—I had no positive point to add onto the end of that. It’s a “poop or be pooped on” kind of world out there folks.
h/t: Distractify
