Is It Unacceptable to be Upset After Receiving 18 Pieces of Coal for Christmas?

This year, a person was invited to spend Christmas with their fiancé's family for the first time. They were expecting more than just a pile of coal when they opened the gifts, but that's exactly what they got. All 18 gifts were pieces of coal. This was a longstanding tradition in their fiancé's family to gift coal to newcomers. On top of being upset, the person lashes out at their fiancé and leaves the gathering, causing their family to be upset with them. Are they in the wrong?

The comment states that receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas is not the a**hole (NTA) and that it is an inconsiderate and mean-spirited act. The replies agree, saying it was thoughtless, a bad joke, and a cruel tradition intended to make fun of the recipient.

The original comment suggested that the long-standing tradition of hazing and humiliating new potential family members was more akin to a fraternity than a family. Replies to this comment included setting the family up with an offensive Christmas sweater family and the suggestion that the only Christmas tradition was assholishness.

Commenter suggests NTA (not the a**hole) - one box with coal in it would have been a fun gag, but not eighteen. Replies argue that even one box of coal from new in-laws would make the recipient feel insecure, and suggest an alternative - chocolate that looks like coal would have been a fun gag.

The comment expressed their opinion on how unacceptable it is to be humiliated 18 times in a row by one's family, characterizing it as "literal hazing". Replies agreed, reassuring that it is "NTA" (not the a-hole). One reply went a step further, emphasizing that they would have stopped after the 2nd piece of coal and left.

NTA - The commenter is tired of seeing posts like this, where people willingly choose not to inform their partners about family traditions. They don't get to be mean and then judge the reaction. The commenter is proud of the OP for having enough courage to walk away from the situation and people who treat them like crap. Several replies agree with the sentiment and suggest that the OP should show this thread to the boyfriend to make him realize how abnormal and rude the “prank” was.

The comment says NTA, and that Dan and his family should embrace and learn from the feelings of embarrassment and awkwardness they felt. Dan's family has shown themselves to be oafs, and the comment suggests that they may be redeemable oafs. The comment also mentions that the commenter had remarkable restraint for not trying out the coal by drawing a mural on the living room wall.

The comment asks what's wrong with some families and their wildly inappropriate Christmas traditions for new family members. Replies suggest that these families are in a bubble where they think it's completely appropriate and cite an example of a first Christmas with a husband's family where the commenter was looped into a secret Santa six weeks before the event and got a gift worth over $100 from someone they didn't meet until the day of.

The comment states that the tradition of giving coal for Christmas is hateful and the commenter's fiancé should have had the courtesy to explain it before the event. The replies add that even if the fiancé had forgotten about the tradition, he should have explained it after the first piece of coal to save the commenter from being disappointed and embarrassed multiple times.

The commenter expresses disbelief that the fiancé's family thinks embarrassing a prospective family member/stranger is endearing. They suggest that the commenter has every right to be offended and should take this experience into consideration before marrying the fiancé. A reply reveals that the fiancé also gave the commenter a lump of coal as a Christmas gift.

The comment lamented receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas and suggested that a bar of chocolate or an Amazon gift card would have been a better choice. Replies indicated agreement, with one suggesting they'd rather have nothing than coal.

The commenter was shocked to receive only coal for Christmas from family. A reply suggested that it was actually a blessing in disguise, as it revealed the fiance's true colors before marriage and kids.

The commenter expresses their opinion that it is not acceptable to receive 18 pieces of coal for Christmas and implores you to think twice before becoming part of a family who thinks it is funny. They state that you should not spend Christmas with them again, including Dan. The reply agrees and questions what kind of family would haze their guests.

The comment points to the strange decision of giving 18 boxes of coal as a gift to a fiancé, suggesting it might be a mean act. One reply agrees, noting it would have been easier to simply get a couples' gift and write it to both parties.🤔

The commenter is not the a**hole, judging from their response to the article's headline. They are appalled by the family's tradition of giving coal for Christmas and suggest to think seriously before entering into a relationship with them.

The commenter expressed that they are NTA and questioned if the original poster wanted to marry this man, noting that hazing is something that sophomoric teens do to each other, not something expected from grown adults. They also added that one lump of coal *might* have been funny if followed up with a real gift, but 18 lumps of coal with the explanation of "this is just how it is" was too much.

The commenter believes that the bride-to-be's fiance should have informed her of his family's 'white elephant' gag tradition before she missed time with her own family and bought thoughtful gifts for them. The commenter suggests that she should reconsider if this is the type of family she wants to marry into.

The commenter believes that the recipient's reaction is understandable since the giver should have warned them beforehand and that the tradition is still a bad one.

The comment states that 18 pieces of coal is cruel and suggests a gift voucher or asking what the newcomer wants instead. The replies agree that the family's thoughtlessness was rude and cruel and it was shameful to ruin someone else's holiday.

The comment states that receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas is a weird and rude tradition.

The commenter says they are 'NTA' (not the a**hole) and advises to thank god for learning about the person's true colors before getting married and to move on and look for someone else.

Commenter deems the act of receiving 18 pieces of coal as an initiation ritual, better suited to a fraternity than a family. Belittling and humiliating, the joke only works if everyone is laughing.

The commenter says NTA (not the a**hole), as expecting gifts is not the point of gift giving. But they also express shock at receiving 18 pieces of coal--which could be a funny prank, but in front of strangers would be very uncomfortable and cruel.

Dan's family has a tradition of giving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas, but Dan failed to prepare the recipient for the gag. Is Dan the a**hole?

The comment states that it is Not The A**hole (NTA) to be upset after receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas. This is because the partner should have informed the person about the longstanding tradition so they could make an informed decision. Furthermore, it is not 'good fun' if the person is not laughing, and the person in question is clearly not having a good time.

The commenter believes that it would have been fine if the family had done this as a gag, but still given the OP at least one nice gift. The reply agrees and suggests that there are plenty of generic gifts that can work for everyone, such as gift cards.

The commenter believes that receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas is an unacceptable form of hazing and that the recipient should have been warned about it at a minimum.

The commenter advises the original poster to rethink their engagement after being pranked with 18 pieces of coal for Christmas, calling it unacceptable and saying the original poster should kick their “fiancé” to the curb - NTA (not the a**hole).

The comment says NTA (not the a**hole) and expresses shock at receiving 18 boxes of coal for Christmas. The commenter questions if their fiance even got them anything, implying they were treated as the laughing stock and encourages them to stand up for themselves.

The comment states that this prank is not the a**hole's (NTA) and is unacceptable, as it was taken too far.

The commenter believes that Dan's family went wrong with their 'fun' family tradition of giving coal for Christmas by at least one generation.

The comment said NTA (not the a**hole), suggesting that the group of strangers who gave the OP (original poster) 18 pieces of coal for Christmas were bizarre and cruel. The OP's reaction was normal, and the comment asked what was planned for the finale. A reply suggested that the OP could have stopped after the third piece of coal and ended the show.

The commenter believes that receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas is rude and inconsiderate of the family.

The commenter believes those who pulled the prank are in the wrong and should not be excused - they are not worth having a relationship with anymore.

Not the a**hole: the commenter believes that their partner should have informed them about this family tradition, and reminded them that their reaction was due to their unkind behavior.

The commenter is not the a**hole for being upset over receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas; the commenter believes their fiance should have warned them about their family's juvenile antics so that they could have saved money.

The comment argues that the original poster is not the a**hole and that they should consider reconsidering their marriage if the fiancé doesn't prioritize their comfort and happiness over his family's "silly games."

The commenter believes that no matter what age you are, it is unacceptable to be given 18 pieces of coal for Christmas. They believe it's not fun for the recipient, especially if they have paid and gifted other people nice things.

The commenter is not the a**hole for being upset about receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas. Their fiance didn't even bother to warn them about this tradition, making it even more humiliating in front of their family.

NTA (not the a**hole): It's a sucky tradition that implies not enough care is given, and no one finds it funny. The fiance should have explained the situation better so the recipient could make an informed decision.

The comment acknowledges that the initial gift of 18 pieces of coal was unacceptable, as it implies the recipient has been a bad person. The comment further suggests that the recipient was justified in being upset, as the gift was mean.

The commenter finds it cruel to receive 18 pieces of coal for Christmas and believes they are not the a**hole for not wanting real coal. One reply agrees that giving black licorice is even crueler than just the coal. 🤮

The comment raises questions about the family's behavior, suggesting that Dan enjoys humiliating the original poster and that this is not ok.

The commentator believes it is not acceptable to be upset after receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas, as it is rude and done without warning. They cite an example of a family giving a riding crop as a gift and how it is okay as long as it is disclosed in advance and is in addition to the usual gifts.

Commenter is NTA and believes that the recipient was right to be upset after receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas. They suggest discussing the unfairness of the tradition with their SO later on to avoid making a scene at the time.

The commenter believes that it's not the fault of the original poster (NTA), but their future in-laws suck for having such a 'shitty tradition'.

The comment argues that 'coal as a little gag gift would have been funny', but receiving 18 pieces of coal was an unacceptable snub to those new to the family. It was a garbage tradition.

The commenter argues that the gift of 18 pieces of coal for Christmas is not only mean-spirited but also lazy and not a generic gift that would work for anyone.

The commenter labeled the gift of 18 pieces of coal for Christmas as an "incredibly rude and unwelcoming tradition" for "newcomers."

The comment suggests that receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas is an unacceptable and mean "tradition." It also rebuffs the idea that the recipient should be embarrassed when their poor behavior is called out.

The commenter thinks the person receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas did not deserve it and that the family has no class. It is suggested that this could be a warning sign due to their other traditions.

The comment says 'NTA' (not the a**hole) - the commenter believes the family should return the gifts that were bought for them, and give the commenter coal in return as they received 18 pieces of coal for Christmas.

Commenter suggests NTA (Not the A**hole) and recommends returning gifts and getting money back.

The commenter declared that the newcomer's experience was unacceptable and that the lack of warning from the fiancé was a "big red flag".

The commenter found it shocking that someone would give 18 pieces of coal as a gift and then blame the recipient for making the situation awkward.

Gifting 18 pieces of coal as a Christmas present is not acceptable, according to the comment. The comment suggests that if the gifter does not know what to give, it's better to not give anything at all or even a card or box of chocolates, and concludes that the gifter is Not The A-hole (NTA).

The comment says NTA (not the a**hole) in response to the article's headline. The comment suggests finding someone who appreciates the recipient and a family that does not treat them poorly for standing up for themselves.

The comment discussed the absurdity of taking a literal children's adage of coal as an adult and how it's silly on both sides of that coin. The comment concluded that no one is trying to demean or humiliate another adult with a gift of coal as it's a children's story about Santa.

Commenter says NTA, as the fiancé should have warned the commenter about the 18 pieces of coal they were receiving for Christmas.

Commenter said NTA (not the a**hole) for being upset after receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas as their fiancee had warned them about it.

The comment says NTA (not the a**hole). The comment states that it's not funny to find 18 individually wrapped presents filled with coal on Christmas. It's a cruel expectation set by the family that jokes should be made at the expense of the person who's an outsider. It's not about being materialistic, it's about wanting to be accepted by the soon-to-be in-laws.

The commenter is not the a**hole because their SO didn't inform them about the strange tradition of receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas and they spent money on gifts. The lack of warning about this tradition seems malicious and unacceptable.

The comment suggests that the original poster (OP) was lucky to not receive an ugly Christmas sweater instead of 18 pieces of coal for Christmas.

The commenter argued that NTA (not the a**hole) since the gift-giver could have at least informed the recipient about the tradition, and made it a fun experience for them.

The comment suggests that it's NTA (not the a**hole) to be upset at receiving 18 pieces of coal for Christmas and that it's easier to perpetuate a toxic tradition than to get a meaningful gift.

The commenter is 'Not The A**hole' and believes that the family should have made an effort and given the engaged person a gift, as well as a collective coal for the ones who do not know her. The commenter also feels that the family's lack of apology is not acceptable.