22 Y.O. Woman Refuses To Give Her Mother’s Day Off To Coworker Whose Son Died, Gets Called A Jerk

Refusing to give my day off to a colleague
Shutterstock | 156673

Recently, a student who has been working part-time for a while turned to the AITA subreddit to share an incident she had at work and seek advice from fellow Redditors. In her post, the 22-year-old detailed how all of her colleagues, including “a 36-year-old Linda,” signed up to give their paid time off so she could have a day to “take some time.” Linda, however, added that if people had kids then “we obviously had a mother and we deserved to spend the day with her.” In light of that, the author of the post was the only one who didn’t sign up and was planning to use her day off for finals preparation. But Linda wouldn’t leave it at that and come up with an idea to ask the Redditor if she could trade her day off. Apparently, the whole thing caused quite a stir at work, so scroll down below to read the full story.

Coworkers showed sympathy and support after Linda's difficult loss.

grand-ad196 | grand-ad196

Employee resists boss attempt to extend Mother's Day to those without kids, sparking debate

grand-ad196 | grand-ad196

The compromise made to ensure coworkers could celebrate Mother's Day despite the loss

grand-ad196 | grand-ad196

A 22-year-old woman decides to keep her Mother's Day off for her finals despite her colleague's tragedy, receiving backlash for being a “jerk”.

grand-ad196 | grand-ad196

Young woman refuses to give her coworker's Mother's Day off in the wake of her son's death, gets called a jerk

grand-ad196 | grand-ad196

Mom of 5 defends her Mother's Day holiday, calls out a coworker for being a jerk

grand-ad196 | grand-ad196

Coworker's loss vs 22 Y.O. woman's important plans ⁉ sparks debate over Mother's Day off

grand-ad196 | grand-ad196

Student struggling to financially support herself offers to give up her Mother's Day off after getting called out, but still faces backlash.

grand-ad196 | grand-ad196

22 Y.O. woman stands her ground despite online bullying

grand-ad196 | grand-ad196

Family loyalty takes precedence: Linda CAN take the day off, but it'll be unpaid.

grand-ad196 | grand-ad196

A 22-year-old woman faces tough criticism for not giving her day off to a coworker whose son passed away. 😢

It's not easy to be in the shoes of a 22-year-old woman, juggling full-time student status with a part-time job. Last year, one of her coworkers, Linda, lost her 8-year-old in an accident. In an act of contribution, the woman and her fellow coworkers signed off their paid days off, so Linda could take some time off. However, when Linda asked the woman if she could trade her paid day off for Mother's Day so she could spend her first mother's Day without her son, the woman said no. This decision has sparked outrage and debate among her coworkers, who are calling her an AH and bullying her into making a decision she is not comfortable with. Does the woman have a right to keep her day off or should she give it to her now-grieving coworker? This is an incredibly tricky situation and requires an understanding of the woman and the context of the situation. We'll explore this tricky situation and the comments and reactions it has sparked, in the next section.

💔 Evaluating the employer's role in Mother's Day inequity 💔

Taleya | Taleya

NTA. The comment and replies acknowledge that the employee is not the a**hole and should not be pressured to give up her Mother's Day off since it is the responsibility of the employer to ensure equitable working conditions for all employees. Additionally, the replies suggest better solutions for the company to manage holidays in an equitable manner for all.

NTA: 🤬 Murica's corporate culture

Accomplished-Cheek59 | Accomplished-Cheek59

The OP is NTA for not giving up her Mother's Day off to a coworker whose son died. Despite the OP's entitlement, the company's decision to make employees give up their own days created a 'nasty culture' and saved money. The replies discuss the unfairness of this corporate culture, as well as similar experiences.

An argument over 🤔 bad juju 😲

Maniel | Maniel

The poster defends the original poster (OP) for politely refusing to give up his/her Mother's Day off, and notes that though no one is technically at fault, OP playing with bad juju by not being kind in this particular situation. Replies express sympathy for the coworker and stress the need for kindness and kindness policies in the workplace. Some disagree and argue that the system is broken and OP shouldn't have to fix it.

💔 Life isn't "fair" sometimes 🤦‍♀️

Signal-Television510 | Signal-Television510

The employer was 'TA' (the a**hole) for not giving Linda the day off, given her situation. However, the OP is 'NTA' (not the a**hole) for not giving up their own day off, as it wasn't their responsibility to make up for the employer's oversight.

Entitlement & vacation time🤦‍♀️

Kristen225t | Kristen225t

The comment's author claims that vacation time and entitlement shouldn't be given away as it could lead people to think they are more worthy of it than they actually are. They state that it's ok to ask but it's not ok to broadcast who got denied what. The commenter is not the a-hole in this situation. A reply notes that the coworker did not ask for a day off, but rather, asked to trade.

💔 A heartbreaking loss

[deleted] | [deleted]

The comment shared a heart-wrenching story of two people who experienced a terrible loss. Understanding the weight of the circumstances, the comment acknowledges that it's the coworker's choice to call off, while emphasizing that the commenter's own relationship with their mother is irrelevant. The replies confirmed the emotions from the comment, with one sharing their own experience of loss on Mother's Day.

NTA and you're 💯 right 👊

G8torbait81 | G8torbait81

The commenter states that NTA suggests that the original poster report their coworkers for harassment since it's their day off and it's none of their business how they use it. The reply also supports this view, adding that the original poster made a mistake by disclosing too much personal information to coworkers, which can be used against them.

Mother's Day Off Dispute 🤔

AnywhereLate | AnywhereLate

The commenter asked if Linda can take the day off unpaid. The reply was yes.

Waive the day off ✔️ Study for exams ✅

sndjdjbdjd | sndjdjbdjd

Don't listen to those who are calling the original poster horrible for not giving their designated time off to the coworker. It's none of the others' business and the poster should use the day to study for exams. The coworker could have talked to their boss well in advance if they needed time off.

No a**holes here 👏

mdthomas | mdthomas

The commenter is in agreement with Linda, acknowledging that she isn't the a**hole in this case, and that the coworkers who are giving her grief are the a**holes.

Boss is the only 🤬 here!

Cattle_Aromatic | Cattle_Aromatic

The commenter calls the boss an a**hole for not giving the coworker's mother's day off, and the comment replies agree that both the boss and the other coworker are bullying the original poster.

Nobody is a jerk👊🏼

snowwhitesludge | snowwhitesludge

The original comment thought that the woman was entitled to say no and was not obligated to make the trade. The reply mentioned that it would have been nice to trade, but the woman's day off didn't work for the replier due to their finals and the need to finish a paper.

Entitled coworker ✖️ NTA worker

xLostandAfraidx | xLostandAfraidx

The commenter was "NTA" (not the a**hole) as the parents weren't entitled to the days off. The commenter had previously worked a full day on Christmas and had their name put on the roster for Christmas year 3, but the coworker had crossed their name off and put their own down, screaming at them when they said it wasn't allowed.

Entitled to keep day off, but was it kind?

Total-Being-4278 | Total-Being-4278

The original poster (OP) is not the a**hole (NTA), but the comment questions whether it was a kind thing to do for the coworker whose son died. Replies indicate that OP is not obligated to give their PTO to the coworker and that the responsibility lies with management. However, it is questioned if OP should have given up their day off, since they are already a laborer and full-time student.

NTA✌️: OP finds solace in replies

RoseArc | RoseArc

OP's coworkers harass them for not giving Linda her mother's day off, even though her son recently died. Replies assure OP that they're doing what's best for them and Linda should take the day off unpaid. OP finds solace in the kind words.

Single mom of 2 👩🏼‍🤝‍👩🏼 says NTA 🚫

Ok-Mode-2038 | Ok-Mode-2038

Commenter says not the a**hole (NTA) and that the [original poster] doesn't need to justify their days off to anyone and deserves them as much as the next person, despite being a single mom of two.

Worker faces harassment 🤬

AussieBelgian | AussieBelgian

The commenter defends the worker, stating that she has a valid reason for taking a day off and that her colleagues should not be harassing her. "NTA"

NTA: It's "f***ing weird" 🤔

HelloHowAreYou1973 | HelloHowAreYou1973

According to the commenter, their boss put them in a position of bargaining for major holidays, making their coworkers fight while the managers watch. They describe the situation as "f***ing weird".

No a**hole here: 👍🏼 Company is the real a**hole 🤦🏼‍♀️

Fafaflunkie | Fafaflunkie

The commenter believes that the 'Linda' was polite in her request for the commenter to forfeit their paid time off for Mother's Day, and the commenter was polite in declining. The commenter finds that the company should have been more empathetic and let Linda have the day off with pay, avoiding the guilt-tripping situation.

NTA: You're not a jerk!

MissAnth | MissAnth

The commenter said that the 22-year-old woman was not the a-hole in this situation and that her coworker is the a-hole for thinking that she gets to decide who is more worthy of a day off.

Parenthood and loss ❤️

seniormoments12345 | seniormoments12345

As a parent who lost their only child, the commentator expresses empathy for the coworker. They explain that the first mother's day after the loss was especially difficult and state that the woman is NTA for wanting her day off. A reply agrees, adding that at year one the pain was too overwhelming to work.

Refusing a favor ✋, NTA 🙌

Andre-Louis_Moreau | Andre-Louis_Moreau

The commenter shared their opinion that refusing a favor does not make someone an a**hole and that bringing up the requester's relationship with their mother was you know what move.

A mother's perspective on a tense topic

originalgenghismom | originalgenghismom

The commenter expressed that they are NTA in the situation and offered their support for the original poster's upcoming finals. They shared their perspective as a mother who has also lost a child, saying that they would never think to ask for someone else's day off in that situation.

NTA and 👊🏿 toxic work environments!

strider2013 | strider2013

The commenter is glad that the original poster (OP) rethought their decision to give up their Mother's Day off to a coworker whose son had died. They call out toxic work environments that make people feel like they can judge the OP's decisions. The replies express agreement with the sentiment and the OP's decision to keep the day off and use it to study.

🤔 NTA but expectations bite 👿

SordidMorbidCreature | SordidMorbidCreature

The commenter is defending the 22-year-old woman who refused to give her mother's day off to a coworker whose son died. The comment acknowledges that while people should help each other at the workplace, the woman already gave up her paid time off, and the demands of women are far greater than men. The reply adds that the woman's coworkers are jerks.

NTA: you deserve it 😉

Vegetable-Tour-3705 | Vegetable-Tour-3705

The comment states that the 22 Y.O. woman is "not the a**hole" for refusing to give her mother's day off to a coworker whose son died, as it was company policy. The comment adds that she was nice and polite and wanted no other problems, and so she should be allowed the day off.

👎Employer neglects grieving coworker👎

ladybootnduster | ladybootnduster

The commenter blames the leadership for not doing the right thing and not helping the coworker out and calls the system f****d up. They advise the OP to leave their job and look for better employers who treat all their employees better.

🤷‍♂️ Your life, your choice!

Maximum_Parsley_170 | Maximum_Parsley_170

"NTA. It’s your time to do as you wish. You’re using it to study for finals and prepare for your future. It’s your life." The comment advises the original poster to prioritize her time for her own future and not be held accountable for the coworker's tragedy.

NTA: The Real A**hole 🤔

claypolejr | claypolejr

The commenter declares NTA (not the a**hole) and states that 'good luck with your final exams.', implying the person commenting is not the a**hole.

Intelligent-Catch790 | Intelligent-Catch790

Commenters expressed their disapproval towards the boss for making Linda work on mother's day despite having lost her son.

NTA: 🤷‍♀️ No one asked earlier 🙅‍♀️

Huge-Raspberry-4062 | Huge-Raspberry-4062

The commenter stated that NTA (Not The A**hole), as no one asked for the day off earlier. They added that she could have scheduled the day off as a vacation day if it was personal, and suggested that people should not talk about their personal life at work to avoid this kind of situation.

Empathy vs. Retribution 🤨

facinationstreet | facinationstreet

The commenter questioned the choice of words used to describe the 22-year-old woman's situation, emphasizing the idea of retribution rather than empathy for the coworker whose son passed away. The reply acknowledged that the woman's team offered her paid leave to take care of her son, but that it might not be enough for her to cover the bills and rent.

NTA: Boss is a huge a**hole 🤬

azsue123 | azsue123

Commenter states that the boss is a huge a-hole for policing their employees' private lives;

NTA: Who matters here? 😕

mike32699 | mike32699

The commenter says NTA (not the a**hole) and questions why other people's opinions matter in this situation.

Workplace disrespect: 🤬

Internal_Set_6564 | Internal_Set_6564

The comment criticized the company for placing the burden to give a coworker their Mother's Day off on the employee rather than dealing with it themselves.

NTA: Everyone deserves time off 😉

Thyumos | Thyumos

The comment states that the 22 Y.O. Woman is "NTA" (not the a**hole) for denying her mother's day off to her coworker, as no one should be obligated to give away their time. The comment further mentions that it is the employer's responsibility to provide a day off.

NTA: It's Not On You

Easy-Concentrate2636 | Easy-Concentrate2636

The commenter argues that the person in question should not be blamed for saying no. They point out that the person works hard and had already contributed PTO when the child died. The commenter believes the real problem is that many workplaces have terrible grievance policies.

NTA 👌 You made a valid choice.

Maine04330 | Maine04330

The commenter stated that the 22 Y.O. woman was "NTA" (not the a**hole) and that they would have made a different choice, but that the decision she made was equally valid.

NTA! You ✔ your own 🌸!

Livetorun123 | Livetorun123

The comment says that the 22-year-old woman is not a jerk for refusing to give her Mother's Day off to her coworker whose son died, as it is her own choice. The commenter states that the other coworkers are jerky for saying that since she does not have kids, she does not deserve the day off.

NTA: 🤔 Management vs. Friendship 🤔

rickCSMF21 | rickCSMF21

The commenter deems the original poster NTA, as this is a management issue rather than a personal one. They suggest the coworker should have gone to her boss months before the date and that if the coworker is a true friend, she should respect the OP's already planned Mother's Day plans even though they are no longer in contact with their mother. The reply suggests this is the case as the OP is intending to use the time instead for preparing for upcoming finals.

NTA and 👊🏻 it's not your job to carry the burden for others

JCBashBash | JCBashBash

The comment says that the OP is not the a**hole and they are morally entitled to keep their day off. They believe that their coworkers are trying to thrust all the burden on them because they are childless and not Linda, who is the one whose son died. Their message is that it is not the OP's job to carry this burden for others and they should not be expected to give up their day off.

NTA: coworkers are ❤️ hypocrites 🙄

waitwhat2604 | waitwhat2604

The comment says NTA, and that the coworkers who messaged OP are the heartless b*tches and need a reality check. It further calls them hypocrites, and suggests that they need to "touch some grass".

Why didn't Linda request the day off?

carissadraws | carissadraws

The commenter questioned why Linda didn't request the day off ahead of time even though her employer sent around a list of names of people who requested the day off. The reply suggested that Linda might have thought it would be given.

No apology needed 💪

blablamcbla | blablamcbla

The commenter put forth their opinion that the 22 Y.O. woman is not the a**hole and that her need for the day off to prepare for her future is arguably more important than Linda's need to deal with her past. They also mentioned that the complainer should have given up her day if she thinks it matters so much, but that her refusal to do so shows that she is full of herself and not actually sympathetic.

YTA or NTA? A 👩‍💻🤔on a Grim Mother's Day 💔

Pugnastyornah | Pugnastyornah

The comment argued that the 22-year-old woman was NTA (not the a**hole) for refusing to give her day off to her coworker, whose son had recently died, as it was not her responsibility to make that judgment call. Additionally, the comment argued that the workplace of people who could have given their day off were overlooked and the woman was faced with an excessive amount of judgment and drama.

NTA: Report coworkers bullying ⛔

AWard72401 | AWard72401

The commenter suggests not to be the a**hole and report coworkers who are bullying the commenter to the boss or HR.

NTA: Working culture in America 👀

raodek | raodek

The commenter said that Americans need to stop focusing on individual actions and instead focus on how American workers are treated as a group. They also suggested that American working culture is weird in comparison to European countries, as employees are not given enough paid time off to handle personal situations.

Mother's Day disputes: NAH?

HarleyT5 | HarleyT5

The comment suggested that it wouldn't hurt to give up one's day off to a coworker whose son had died, even if it meant compromising one's own Mother's Day. However, a reply indicated that the day off was needed to study for finals and could not be given up.

NTA, but your boss should have thought that through better 🤔

SwitchupThrice | SwitchupThrice

The comment states that the commenter does not think the commenter is an a-hole, but that their boss should have thought the situation through better. They hope their coworker will call in sick that day instead.

scientia13 | scientia13

The comment stated that "YTA is owed to those that sent this to your coworker(s)", suggesting that the 22-year-old woman who refused to give her mother's day off was wrong and deserved to be called a jerk.

🤔 Linda was given two months off. Who's the real jerk?

Earth-Suspicious | Earth-Suspicious

The commenter is confused as to why other commenters are trying to guilt trip the OP, when they gave Linda two months off to recover. Linda is also happy with the situation.

😬“Don't let them get to you”

[deleted] | [deleted]

The commenter encourages the reader to not take the harassment of the co-workers seriously and to make their own decision on Linda's Mother's Day off, and also to report any doxxers on Reddit to uphold their Terms of Service.

Single and exhausted 🤯, NTA to keep your Mother's Day off! 🙅‍♀️

Imverytired9 | Imverytired9

The original poster (OP) was advised by the comment not to give Linda the day off and that their needs are just as valuable as Linda's despite the latter's loss. The comment acknowledged the hardships faced by single people, who often don't find their time to be valuable or important. The comment concluded that the OP is not the a-hole (NTA) for keeping their Mother's Day off.


Capable_Voice_5479 | Capable_Voice_5479

The commenter declares that the original poster is not the a**hole and they deserve a day off as much as anyone else.

Don't harass others!

Equivalent_Sector786 | Equivalent_Sector786

In response to the article, this commenter claims that the people harassing the woman are the only a**holes in this situation and no one else.