Woman Asks “[Am I A Jerk] For Leaving A Wedding Early As A Bridesmaid And Causing The Wedding To Get Charged A $500 Cleanup Fee?”

Alfe Mercado
Bride and Bridesmaid
other | Kiss The Bride Magazine

Recently, a 21-year-old woman who goes by Jane shared an incident she encountered while being a bridesmaid at her friend Vanessa’s wedding. The occasion took place at a remote lodge venue up a mountain. “When everyone got to the lodge, we did a dry run of the ceremony and surveyed the place,” Jane recounted. She assumed the men would go to their cabin and the women would go to theirs, and they’d relax before the wedding ceremony. But it turned out that things were quite different from what the author expected. “Instead, the men immediately headed to the liquor store, and the groom and bride’s mothers began ordering the bridesmaids to move furniture into place,” she recounted, adding that “That night, the women did everything from dragging 250 chairs out of the shed and setting them up, to hauling furniture down two flights of stairs and positioning it in other places.”

Wedding guests get a surprise when bridesmaid Jane discovers the 'relaxing' pre-wedding plan

minute_woodpecker319 | minute_woodpecker319

A bridesmaid's attempt to leave early costs the wedding a shocking $500!

minute_woodpecker319 | minute_woodpecker319

A bridesmaid's efforts to help made a big difference - but also led to a $500 fee!

minute_woodpecker319 | minute_woodpecker319

“Workhorse” bridesmaid was fed up and left wedding early, causing $500 fee

minute_woodpecker319 | minute_woodpecker319

Bridesmaid faced with drunk groomsmen and cleanup fee decides to leave early, leaving bride in a panic

minute_woodpecker319 | minute_woodpecker319

A bridesmaid causes a wedding to get charged $500, leaving the bridesmaid to question: am I a jerk?

minute_woodpecker319 | minute_woodpecker319

A bridesmaid gets an angry call after leaving a wedding early 🤦‍♀️

Jane, 21, was one of Vanessa's three bridesmaids for her wedding at a remote lodge venue. Unfortunately, Jane ended up being put in charge of most of the furniture setup before the big day and was told the groom and groomsmen would 'unwind'. She left the wedding early, only to learn that her absence caused a $500 cleanup fee - and an angry voicemail from Vanessa's mother. To make matters worse, Vanessa also blamed Jane for the fee. How did netizens react to this believable bridesmaid drama?

Bride + Groom = 💰$ 500 Cleanup Fee? NTA!!!

KaliTheBlaze | KaliTheBlaze

The comment explains that the bride and groom should not have assumed it was okay to ask the bridal party to move the furniture without asking in advance. The replies agree that bride and groom were wrong for expecting people to do the heavy labor for free, and for not even asking nicely. After all, lunch is a better reward than a $500 cleanup fee! 🤑

Bride demands bridesmaid clean 🤔 What's wrong here?

PattersonsOlady | PattersonsOlady

The bridesmaid expresses her hurt at being expected to clean up without being asked, saying she feels used and her friendship is not valued. The replies add to the sentiment, with one suggesting the bridesmaid may have been chosen as a workhorse and another bluntly asking "what the f**k is wrong with you?"

A bridesmaid's sticky 🤔situation

Safe-Veterinarian-32 | Safe-Veterinarian-32

The comment says NTA (not the a**hole) and suggests that other information is needed. One reply says [removed].

NTA for leaving 🚪 ✅

twethereal | twethereal

The comment states that it was absolutely not the a**hole (NTA) for the bridesmaid to leave early and cause a $500 cleanup fee. The comment goes on to question why the groomsmen weren't expected to help with the cleanup. The bridesmaid's decision to leave was praised as being the right one.

NTA! 🤬🤬🤬 Vanessa doesn't deserve you

blueberry-pony31 | blueberry-pony31

The commenter expressed anger and indicated that the OP was 'NTA' (not the a**hole), and that Vanessa, the bride, 'sucks' and doesn't deserve the OP. A reply expressed agreement.

NTA but bridesmaid 😱🤔

Unit-Murky | Unit-Murky

Commenter says NTA (not the a**hole) but is curious why the bridesmaid wasn't informed of the $500 cleaning fee earlier. Commenter also expresses shock at the amount of upvotes received.

NTA: 🤷‍♀️ Why be a bridesmaid?

LKM555 | LKM555

The comment says NTA (not the a**hole) for leaving a wedding early as a bridesmaid and causing a $500 penalty; it questions why anyone would ever agree to be a bridesmaid. Replies point out that when weddings work out, there's rarely any "internet worthy" story to tell, and that younger people should be aware of the costs of being a bridesmaid. Most agree that one should only do it out of love for the couple.

🤔NTA! - You did your fair share 🥃

Blippii | Blippii

The commenter says NTA (not the a**hole) and that you did more than your fair share of the work. They admire your strength in leaving the wedding early, given the circumstances, and suggest that the people who blame you need a mirror and you need a drink. 🥃

🤔 Is it right to leave a wedding early when asked to help with cleanup?

SeattleGirl99 | SeattleGirl99

The OP [original poster] was asked to help with the cleanup as a bridesmaid at a DIY wedding, however the bride failed to communicate her "ask" weeks in advance and have enough people to do the tasks. Though the OP left the wedding, NTA, as she could not have known the expectations for the day and leaving would not have posed a problem if enough people were assigned. Additional comments in the section agree and confirm the OP was in the right to leave.

NTA: Your friend is the a**hole 🤷‍♀️

BlooomQueen | BlooomQueen

The comment asserted that the speaker was not the a**hole and that their friend and her mother were. They felt that the friend's rude and f--ked up behavior warranted reconsidering their friendship.

Bridesmaids duties: ✅ Dress up ✅ Stand still ❌ Clean up 😠

flutterby727 | flutterby727

The original comment suggested the bridesmaid was NTA (not the a**hole) for leaving early, as she wasn't even asked to help clean, and the groomsmen got to "unwind" before the big day.

Bridesmaid reflects on👎🏼!

VlaxDrek | VlaxDrek

The commenter believes that the bridesmaid was not in the wrong for leaving the wedding early and even expresses that they would have bailed the night before given the circumstances. The commenter remarks that the bride and groom's behavior was highly disrespectful.

Was she an a**hole for leaving early?

AmazingTea1559 | AmazingTea1559

Commenter suggests that it's not possible for the bridesmaid to be the a**hole in the situation, as the wedding had to pay a $500 cleanup fee due to her leaving early.

NTA: Penalty for Short Notice 🤑

CryingINwilderness | CryingINwilderness

The comment approved that the woman was not the a**hole (NTA) as the $500 fee was justified. A suggestion to invoice them $1000 with an extra $500 as a penalty for short notice was also made.

NTA! She was 'used for labor' 😡

thowaway3618 | thowaway3618

The commenter asserted 'NTA' (not the a**hole) after hearing the story that a bridesmaid left a wedding early, causing the wedding to be charged a $500 cleanup fee. The commenter then guessed the location of the wedding in either the Carolina's, Tennessee, WV, or Eastern KY. Another reply confirmed 'NTA' and suggested that the family may have a sexist view of women.

👋 NTA, you don't owe anyone anything! 😤

SigSauerPower320 | SigSauerPower320

The commenter is firm in their stance that the OP is Not The A**hole, and that they don't owe anyone anything. They also express their anger at the bride, groom, groomsmen and parents of the bride and groom for allowing the situation to occur. A reply mentions that usually people get compensated with pizza and beer for their help.

NTA: 💸 Pay the $500 💰

hiatus16 | hiatus16

In this section, commenters agree it's NTA (not the a**hole) to leave a wedding early and that the bridesmaid should pay any associated fees. One reply states that, given the cost of the whole thing, the fee of $500 is "a drop in the bucket" and should be paid.

👀 Did she really cause a $500 cleanup fee?

gamemamawarlock | gamemamawarlock

The comment asked if the bridesmaid is a jerk for leaving early and causing the wedding to get charged a $500 cleanup fee. The reply was [removed].

Friend asks if she's a jerk for leaving a wedding early?

GrandpaJoeSloth | GrandpaJoeSloth

The friend posted that they are "NTA" (not the a**hole) for leaving the wedding early; they felt they were asked to wear a "stupid, fancy dress" and be free labor so the bride could save some money. No replies were found.

No A-hole Here 🤷‍♂️

Throwaway-KDerby | Throwaway-KDerby

Commenter shared experience of being invited to a BBQ which turned out to be a moving event for a newlywed brother with no BBQ to be found. NTA.

NTA: 🙅No way was the bridesmaid wrong! 🗣

maddiep81 | maddiep81

The commenter believes that the bridesmaid was not wrong in leaving the wedding early, citing courtesy for informing the wedding party of their departure, lack of suitable clothing and shoes for the task, and their need to save the day from ruin by leaving the cleanup to others. The replies then discussed how the bride treated them like staff and expected them to help clean up with inappropriate attire.

NTA: One Do. Not. Expect.

EatAPotatoOrSeven | EatAPotatoOrSeven

Commenter states that the bridesmaid is not the a**hole for leaving the wedding early and causing the $500 fee; they make it clear that it is not acceptable to expect manual labor from someone without discussion first, and that the bridesmaid was lucky to get away without any medical bills.

NTA✋️A petty goodbye to a cheap, materialistic friend.

Direct-Mycologist343 | Direct-Mycologist343

The comment suggests that the poster is Not The A**hole and offers a petty response to their friend's mother. The poster suggests sending a snarky reply to the voicemail and hints they won't be inviting the bride to their own wedding.

NTA: 🤢Parents saved money on the backs of their children’s friends!

therealangrytourist | therealangrytourist

The commenter agrees with the original poster, saying that the 'most appalling' part of the situation was that the parents of the bride and groom were the ones attempting to save money on the backs of the children's friends. Another reply agrees that the additional fee was 'just too much'.

Ouch! 😱

tanfj | tanfj

The comment expresses that the person deserved a harsh reply for leaving a wedding early and causing a $500 cleanup fee. No replies were found.

NTA: Officiant should not be treated as a furniture hauler

OsaBear92 | OsaBear92

Commenter disapproves of wedding expecting the officiant to do extra tasks without being asked. They claim it is not the officiant's responsibility and are appalled at the treatment. "Support doesn't mean be a furniture hauler in a bridesmaids gown".

Judge Judy vs. Wedding Etiquette 🤔

Imaginary-War6700 | Imaginary-War6700

The commenter suggests to sue the bride on Judge Judy, but replies point out that the OP likely can't win the case because she was never promised payment or forced to stay. Everyone agrees that Judge Judy would be disappointed in them for thinking the OP would win.

Yikes! 🤬 No a-hole here 👍

Littleballoffur22 | Littleballoffur22

The commenter said the bride is entitled and cheap and highly suggested the OP not to keep her in her life. They asserted she's the type of person who uses others and that no a-hole is here in this particular situation.

NTA: 😡 sexism 👍 clean up

todjo929 | todjo929

The commenter declared NTA for the OP, as the blatant sexism and expectations of bridesmaids to clean up the mess caused by men and the couple “cheap out” left a sour taste in people's minds. The commenter also speculated that the marriage would end soon.

NTA: Establishing Boundaries 💪

Briancisgo | Briancisgo

The commenter states that the bridesmaid was not the a**hole (NTA) for leaving the wedding early, citing the couple's plan to manipulate her with social pressure. The bridesmaid established her boundaries and defended her decision.

Judge Judy incoming?! 🤔

pensaha | pensaha

This comment says that the OP was wrong for leaving the wedding early, as she was part of the wedding rather than hired help. The commenter suggested that the OP should have asked for an okay from the wedding party before leaving, and that they may take the case to small claims court and get Judge Judy.

Certainly NTA 👎🏼

Jerratt24 | Jerratt24

The comment is firm in its judgement that the commenter is not the a**hole in this situation, and that the couple and their wedding planners are the ones to blame.

👰🤰💔Bride's wedding lasts less than 6 months

meagancavell | meagancavell

Bridesmaid who was 6 months pregnant stayed late to decorate hall and was up at 6am to get ready. Bride's marriage lasted less than 6 months, leaving commenter to say 'NTA' (Not the a**hole).

🤔 Not the A**hole 🤔

The_One_True_Imp | The_One_True_Imp

The commenter is of the opinion that NTA (Not the A**hole) - the bride should have made the groom get to work instead of expecting the bridesmaid to clean up after everyone. If the groom was already too drunk, the commenter would have left.

🔥 Bride Called Out 🔥

SalAqua | SalAqua

The commenter believes the bride is at fault and should take responsibility for the $500 clean-up fee, expressing hope that the bride will see this post.

NTA: No workhorse left now!

Muppetbucket413 | Muppetbucket413

This comment expresses the opinion that the bride should not have requested the bridesmaid to stay until the end of the wedding, and that the bridesmaid leaving early was not wrong, causing her to have no more 'workhorse' for the wedding.

NTA: No A-hole Here 😂

DarkObserver0457 | DarkObserver0457

The commenter suggests not to be the a**hole in the situation and suggests claiming an injured back as an excuse for leaving the wedding early. A reply suggests suggesting the same excuse to avoid being the a**hole.

Friend left wedding early 👋

ComeHereDevilLog | ComeHereDevilLog

The commentor reveals a similar experience, where they left a wedding early, which resulted in the wedding being charged a $500 cleanup fee. They assert they are 'Absolutely NTA' and explain why they chose to leave, as they did not know many people in the bridal party.

A wedding drama – 🤔 NTA

SnooDrawings1480 | SnooDrawings1480

The commenter believes that the bridesmaid should not be considered the a**hole, since they did not receive information regarding their duties beforehand.

When 🤔 your bridesmaid duties 💐 turn into exploitation 🤭

Amythist35 | Amythist35

The commentor pointed out that it was wrong for the wedding to put the burden of cleaning up on one person, and that the bridesmaid should not have been taken advantage of.

Bride 🤦‍♀️ leaves 🕛 wedding ✋ early causing 💰$500 clean up fee?

yachtiewannabe | yachtiewannabe

Commenter says that the bridesmaid was not responsible for leaving the wedding early and should not be charged for the $500 clean up fee.

NTA: 💸 Don't pay for the wedding hosts' mistakes! 💸

ImaginaryAnts | ImaginaryAnts

This section's comment expresses disapproval at the wedding hosts for expecting $500 from the OP for a 'cleanup fee.' According to the comment, the couple should have predicted that the bridesmaids would need help setting up the wedding, and so should have made arrangements for it in advance. The comment also highlights their poor behavior in 'using' the bridesmaids for free labor instead.

NTA for leaving early 😊

Just-some-moran | Just-some-moran

The commenter agreed with the woman's decision to leave the wedding early, further adding that they have been expected to act as 'free moving service and work horse' to save other people money. The replies to the comment were removed.

NTA: leaving early 👋🏼

BlueMoon5k | BlueMoon5k

The comment states NTA (not the a**hole) for leaving the wedding early since the host did not want to do the work for their own party.

Bride's guests left early & 😡

raceulfson | raceulfson

The commentor states they weren't responsible for the extra costs since the bride and groom weren't up front about the labor involved or didn't hire help. They proclaim the bridesmaid was NTA (not the a**hole).

👋 🤷‍♂️ A lost friend says goodbye 💔

mintyfresh_ella | mintyfresh_ella

An estranged friend says goodbye, responding to the section comment with "NTA" - "not the a**hole."

Bride uses bridesmaid for $500 fee? 😲

HappyAsianCat | HappyAsianCat

The comment suggested the bridesmaid was taken advantage of and she was not the a**hole in the situation.

🤦‍♀️ Bridesmaid Leaves Wedding Early, Charging $500 Cleanup Fee!

CocklesTurnip | CocklesTurnip

NTA at all for leaving the wedding early as a bridesmaid and causing the wedding to get charged a $500 cleanup fee. The comment explains why it's a bad idea for the bride and groom to have a do-it-yourself wedding where all the guests have to help set up and clean up.

NTA: 🤷‍♀️

hannaj0bananaj0 | hannaj0bananaj0

Commenter declared that the person was not the a-hole (NTA) in the situation and expressed uncertainty with the 🤷‍♀️ emoji.

NTA: 💍 Bride 💔 Bridesmaid 🤨 Cleanup Fee 💰

luciiddr3am | luciiddr3am

The comment states that the bridesmaid was not in the wrong for leaving early, as the bride and her party failed to 'get their sh*t together in a timely enough manner' and put too much on the bridesmaid; it was not specified as a duty for her to pay the $500 cleanup fee.

NTA: 🤷‍♀️ What if you had gotten hurt?

BoyzMom13 | BoyzMom13

The commenter argues that the bridesmaid is not the a**hole (NTA) because they may have gotten hurt while helping out with additional tasks not specified in the bridesmaid's duties.

‍NTA! You're not the a-hole in this situation!

OptmusJonzz | OptmusJonzz

The commenter declared the OP as Not The A**hole (NTA) for leaving a wedding early as a bridesmaid and causing the wedding to get charged a $500 cleanup fee. They thought the bride and groom's attitude towards the bridesmaids was an a-hole move and suggested that the OP should have informed other bridesmaids to leave too in order to avoid the charge.

NTA! 🤷‍♀️ No reason to feel guilty.

fuckyeahcaricci | fuckyeahcaricci

The comment writer believes that the OP should not feel guilty for leaving the wedding early. They also think that Vanessa should be held accountable for the $500 fee, and suggest that the couple was not financially prepared to host the wedding at the venue. The comment writer also encourages the OP to not worry about a friendship with the bride, as it would have fizzled out regardless.

NTA: Vanessa's done for 🤦‍♂️

Technical_Trainer_25 | Technical_Trainer_25

The comment says NTA, as the bride (Vanessa) got married at too young of an age, and the commenter has a feeling that she will now be stuck under the thumb of her husband and his friends. They all get called out and the commenter speculates that Vanessa will call the OP when she gets a divorce.

Bridesmaid's 🤔 dilemma: 🤔

Brown_Thought | Brown_Thought

The commentator said "NTA" (Not the A**hole), indicating that the bridesmaid is not in the wrong for leaving the wedding early and causing the wedding to get charged a $500 cleanup fee.

Is NTA for leaving a wedding early?

Bloodrayna | Bloodrayna

The commentator said NTA (Not the A**hole) as the bridesmaid did not agree to an unpaid furniture mover and leaving the wedding early did not incur any cost.

NTA: bride & groom 👎🏽

SleepySouthie | SleepySouthie

The comment states that the bride and groom were unfair in expecting their bridal party to shift furniture and put someone at risk of injury. It goes on to say that the couple should have made better plans if they didn't want to pay for setup or cleanup fees.

Bridesmaid's duties: ✔️ Upholding a dress code, ✖️ Moving furniture

MalsPrettyBonnet | MalsPrettyBonnet

The commentor clarified that bridesmaids duties include planning showers and bachelorette parties, wearing the dress selected by the bride without comment, and calming the bride on the big day. However, this does not include the maneuvering of furniture to avoid a clean-up fee. The commentor concluded that the commenter is not the a**hole in this situation.

Bride's bridesmaid 👎 charges $500 💰

ServelanDarrow | ServelanDarrow

Commenter declares the bridesmaid was Not The A**hole and expresses surprise that such a thing could occur in real life.

It's not her fault 😔

BresciaE | BresciaE

The comment highlights the unfairness of expecting bridesmaids to do all the clean up for a wedding. The commenter believes it wasn't the woman's fault and suggests to choose an all inclusive venue that includes staff.