It's really tough when a couple breaks up, especially when there are kids involved. Am I right? But can you put yourself in this situation?
A woman recently shared or vented on Reddit that she can't stand hearing about her ex's new wife who's expecting. And it's all coming from her two sons, who she shares with the man. So she reached out to her fellow Redditors for advice. Let's check this story out.
And that's exactly what this woman did when she posted about her odd situation. She got caught in the middle of drama in her family. Her two sons are enamored with their dad's new main squeeze, and now there's another issue.
That's all good for the ex. Am I right? But this woman's two sons are over the moon that they're going to have a half-sister, and they won't shut up about it either. Needless to say, it's driving this woman crazy.
"Lord save me, I can’t stand listening to my sons talk about my ex’s new wife and the damn baby they have on the way," she wrote.
I know it would drive me mad too.
She says her sons are pretty involved so far, too. "[My] boys are over the moon and I just can’t stand hearing about it. How they’re getting to help decorate the nursery, help name it, oh my god its nonstop when they’re at my house…I know I can’t tell them to shut up but I want to," she wrote.
So this woman is asking fellow Redditors for some advice. And lo and behold she got some. Let's look at a few of their suggestions. I think they're very interesting, to say the least.
"This child feels like a closure you're not ready for, a constant reminder, and a sign that he has moved on," wrote user nebulousrealist. "That's real [expletive], and HARD. You deserve to process this, and, you can be honest with your boys and say that you are happy for them and their excitement, but that you're processing some big feelings about it, and maybe you can put a 'if you want to talk about baby, do it over dinner, then focus on you guys.' (Just an example).
"It just strikes me that you feel you can't say shut up (kudos) but you can have some boundaries when this topic comes up. You deserve peace and you deserve to not feel consumed by your ex's new family.
"You may feel left behind and abandoned right now, and you deserve to reconnect or even connect with things you find meaningful. You deserve a happy and fulfilling life."
And here's another perspective from a person who was a child of divorce.
"Can I just say as a kid who had a mother who made it perfectly clear how much she despised my dad and stepmum, thank you for setting some boundaries with your boys," wrote user thomasinanna. "I know you say you WANT to tell them to shut up but the fact is you're not. You're operating some restraint and even though you're furious, you're not dragging them into that resentment. So that's good. You have to keep protecting them from this, raise them right and they'll grow up to appreciate that."
"My kids are 13 and 15. Their father had a girlfriend they really likes and started to confide in and I got so jealous..... I didn't know how to handle it at first," wrote user SalamanderHot2799. "But I realized that it was my feelings. My kids' feelings towards me had not changed, they had got one more person to love and be loved by. After I accepted that it became so much easier."
Wow! Good for her, huh?
"Generally speaking, when one person makes the decision to get a divorce, that marks the END of their grieving process," wrote trash-queen92. "The day he filed was the day he was ready to get back out there. He had already processed the end of the relationship emotionally by that point. He could have met someone the same day and it wouldn't have been much different.
"That's a really [expletive] feeling. Your lifelong partner was over the relationship before you even knew it was ending. It's humiliating and hurtful. It is maybe the most powerful sense of rejection a person can feel. You have every right to be upset by it, even a year and a half later. And of course, it's fairly natural for that sadness, loneliness, and embarrassment to come out as anger and bitterness. It's also fairly common to justify that anger with objective wrongdoing, like assuming you were cheated on. We tend to turn our huge, seemingly insurmountable feelings into things we can rationalize. You're only human."
The person continued to say,
"At some point though, if you want a healthy relationship with your kids and a good environment for them, you have to recognize that your anger is a secondary emotion, peel it back, and start dealing with what's underneath. Once you can admit that your ex-husband got over you too fast, you can accept that his new wife was not the cause of your divorce and was probably not even a factor. Once you know that, you can release your hatred and begin to reconcile the jealousy. It won't be easy - you'll still have to deal with these feelings, and it's completely understandable if you're jealous of her simply because she's with the person you thought you'd be with forever. But you cannot heal until you stop nursing the secondary wound and start treating the source. In the meantime, you risk driving a wedge between yourself and your children."
I really do feel for this woman. It's the kind of situation one never imagines finding themselves in. Am I right? Even though some people might think it's time for her to move on, she needs to decide on that.
In the meantime, she should be honest with her kids and have an open and honest conversation with them. They might not even realize how their excitement is making their mother feel. I hope she can work through all of this. What do you think?
