Cheating is definitely one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship . The erosion of trust is hard to bounce back from , and some studies even show that cheating can negatively affect a partner’s mental health .
Despite the pain, some people try to give their unfaithful partners another chance . When Redditors were asked how that went , they shared some pretty interesting stories.
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Some cheaters will never change.
“I did this twice. Two different men, two completely different backgrounds, but they both did the same thing: they refused any type of accountability.
“Cheaters will either make themselves the victim or hit you with the ‘let’s just put this behind us’ [expletive]. Then they cheat again. Don’t listen to these misogynistic ‘relationship gurus’ telling you to forgive and guilt trip you into ‘keeping the family together.'”
Sometimes, that “mistake” is actually just that.
“Things are going well. He regretted it hugely, I gave him a tough time for a while then decided to forgive and forget. Ten years later, we are great.”
“Obviously I still have the moral high ground, which is nice, but the cheating never gets referred to.”
“It was a long time ago and is entirely cancelled out by the many amazing things he’s done for me and my grown up children.”
Sounds like an extreme case of the “ick.”
“I gradually lost all attraction to them. I couldn’t be intimate with them any longer because my body just didn’t desire them anymore. I felt so emotionally and physically disconnected. I tried to make it work for an entire year after taking them back. It felt SO good to finally walk away.”
It must be hard when you have zero trust for your partner.
“Terrible. I was CONSTANTLY worrying about what he was doing, who he was talking to. He cheated again, I mean, why wouldn’t he considering I did practically nothing to inconvenience him when he did it the first time. It was constant anxiety, and hatred toward him.”
It’s nice when the cheater isn’t your problem anymore.
“He repeated to cheat. I took him back for my kids sake. I was left pregnant. Never ever [expletive] again. He got remarried and cheated 4 times before the year was out.”
This is absolutely the definition of “only sorry he got caught.”
“I’ve been happily divorced for 3 years now. He never changed. Just got better at hiding it. Now he’s remarried and cheating on her.”
The not knowing is the worst part.
“I can’t 100% confirm he cheated again but I definitely had reasons to suspect he did. Back when Facebook first introduced secret messaging I’d sometimes get alerts to my phone that one of our devices had used it.”
“I still don’t even understand how or why it notifies my phone when he had his own phone…”
“…and we didn’t share a FB but maybe it was because my account was logged into his phone as well and vice versa. Also after having our child we had bought a box of condoms for future use and it was magically open with some missing even though we hadn’t yet resumed having sex.”
“I’m not going to say all cheaters are repeat offenders…”
“…however once they cheat on you specifically it will never be the same and it’s not worth the paranoia. Perhaps they go on to not cheat on their future partners, but it won’t change that they cheated on you so it’s best to just leave IMO.”
The cheater confessing on their own definitely helps some.
“Wow judging by these comments, I must be very fortunate. My partner never cheated again after confessing to me and we moved on. It doesn’t hurt me anymore to think or talk about it.”
Was he gonna try to marry someone else without getting a divorce first?
“He cheated again, got the other person pregnant, left me and proposed to her a few weeks later. He never bothered to file or even participate in the divorce process. So I had to file and pay for everything. We’ve been divorced for four years, and they’ve been married for three and now have three kids.”
It’s amazing how a little communication can go a long way.
“It was a huge wake up call to us both that our marriage had begun a gradual slide to divorce years before. We worked on fixing ourselves (depression and other issues that we both brought into the relationship) and we had an agreement that if things weren’t better, we would divorce as friends. The first 6 months were rough and then things just started coming together again.”
“We still have some lingering security issues (not about cheating but wanting to stay married) but the big difference is we talk about them now.”
“We’ve had a rough year so far due to outside factors and the stress has had a negative effect on our marriage. My husband suggested we go to counseling so this doesn’t get to the point where we’re headed to divorce again.”
Some cheaters are, like, really insecure.
“He cheated on me again with the same girl. I forgave him again. He stopped trusting me after I made friends with a good looking guy and I dumped him. Guess who he started dating like 2 seconds after we broke up.
“She didn’t even know about me until 4 years later.”
You could say she dodged a bullet.
“We got back together and moved in together eventually. I thought things were fine, but I had severe trust issues. We lasted another 3 years after we got back together, but only because I put up with [expletive] I shouldn’t have.”
“He was jobless for a while and I paid for most of the stuff while also still maintaining the household.”
“The lack of trust eventually led me to read his journal, and I found out he had been harboring white supremacist sentiments for almost a year, but hadn’t broken up with me yet (I’m half black) because he couldn’t afford it.”
“I will say dumping him, in retrospect, was one of the most satisfying moments of my life.”
“He had to move back in with his parents, and I met my now husband a few months later.”
Terrifying, but OP got out of it!
Never stay just for the kids.
“I stayed in the marriage for a year because he asked me to for the sake of our kids, but I was miserable for that year.
“Everyone was happy but me, I couldn’t get over the fact that he cheated on me with multiple women and as much as I tried I couldn’t trust him. You can’t fix what is broken so I finally asked for a divorce.”
Sounds like a real keeper. Not.
“Took him back, he did it again a few months later, in an even more public and embarrassing way.
“Broke up for real after the second time, got occasional texts from him about how he was sooo sorry and wanted another try for years, including times when he was in serious relationships with other women. Bullet dodged.”
