Every relationship is different . But no matter who you’re with, what kind of past you’ve had, or what insecurities you might have, it’s important to set boundaries .
That might mean keeping certain things private. Not every secret needs to be shared between you and your significant other, and that doesn’t mean your relationship is unhealthy!
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According the people of Reddit , there are plenty of things you can keep to yourself while in a relationship.
It’s the one thing you don’t want to lose.
“Where I hide the secret, spare pair of scissors I keep for when he’s lost all the other 11 pairs of scissors we own and I need to trim a chip bag down to make getting to the chips easier.”
There’s no need to bring up your partner’s insecurities.
“Things that you don’t like about their body. They just don’t need to know. If you are concerned about their health or hygiene that warrants a conversation but making comments about physical flaws — completely unnecessary.”
I think the issue here is trust.
“It’s not that it should be kept private, as in forcefully, but I believe both persons in a relationship should have privacy in their devices.
“My SO has all my logins, and passcodes for my phone and tablet, but this doesn’t give her the right to go snooping for stuff that will never be there.”
“She can totally grab my phone, if it’s nearest, to search on Google, or grab someone’s phone number.”
“But we’ve agreed that if either of us snoop, you better be sure that there’s going to be something to find, because if there isn’t, then you deserve the trouble that you’ve caused.”
It’s okay not to know every single thing about another person.
“Journals. My partner writes in one every night before bed and I have no idea what any of it says. If she wants to share with me she can. Those are her private thoughts and feelings until she decides differently. Same goes for me.”
Avoiding getting into huge fights is always a good idea.
“The unkind [expletive] you think when you’re angry and tired, it will absolutely never help at all to say any of it out loud and even if you don’t have a particularly big fight or break up over it you’ll still regret it and they’ll still remember.”
As long as YOU like your partner, that’s all that matters.
“Which of your friends or family don’t like them. It will do nothing but upset them, and worse create a bigger problem between them.
“I would also like to add to that if one of your friends or family members don’t like your s/o and you aren’t at the very least making them be polite and respectful when they have to be around each other you are the main problem in that scenario.”
No need to be negative for no reason!
“Doubts about their capabilities, if they have none themselves. My boyfriend is a go-getter, who is super-enthusiastic and optimistic. I’m more analytical and cautious, but he doesn’t need me to inject an element of doubt into things.”
“Yes, I’ll do anything to protect him, and I’ve been there for him when he has fallen in the past.”
“But no, I won’t tell him if I doubt he’ll succeed at something he is attempting.
I’ll back him all the way, right or wrong.”
I mean, you shouldn’t open other people’s mail in general.
“Their mail and packages. It doesn’t matter if it’s junk mail or that Amazon shipment of soap. If it’s addressed to her, you don’t open it unless she explicitly says so. It’s not that the package itself matters as much as the fact that you are showing that you respect her privacy.”
Maybe don’t betray someone else’s trust for the sake of a partner.
“Other people’s secrets. They’re not yours to share.”
If someone tells you something in confidence, you probably shouldn’t turn around and tell your partner. The person who confided in you will lose a lot of trust for you.
Therapy is a pretty private thing.
“Therapy. I’ve been going to therapy on a regular basis for over a year now. My husband never asks me what was said at the sessions. Sometimes I will bring things to him… but he never asks me to tell him. It’s nice having a space to share my thoughts and feelings with somebody else.”
This is especially true if you or your partner have been in active combat.
“Many things that happen while deployed should only be discussed with trained and licensed professionals. It’s not a dig on your SO, it’s that they very likely won’t have the tools to help you and do not need to carry that mental burden.”
It’s okay to have bathroom boundaries…
“Bowel movements. Yes, there are couples who don’t hesitate to [expletive] in front of each other, but… yeah. No.”
I guess it depends on the couple, but that’s probably something you can get away with not sharing in a relationship.
Not all secrets are bad things!
“Whenever I want to surprise my wife, I get her a surprise gift. She never sees it coming.”
Keeping a secret in this context isn’t bad, because it means you can do something nice and unexpected for your partner. And, like, everyone likes a nice surprise every now and then.
Past relationships are in the past.
“Details of previous sexual relationships.”
Another commenter added, “Or all about the past relationships. If there is something that this current person needs to know. Like if you were single because you had anger issues or were a workaholic, that need to be shared, even at your own expense.”
The last thing you need to do is tell your partner about something cursed.
“More than 10 years ago I found a snake in the basement shower. It was a little garter snake and I have absolutely no idea how it got there. Slithered into the house somehow and went looking for water I guess?
“Anyhow, I’ll tell her if we ever sell the place.”
I guess this one’s fair.
“First impressions, if not good. My Gf thought I was madly crushing on her immediately, but my first impression was really that she didn’t look like her photos (we met online). Figured I should let her think her version.”
You probably don’t have to be with your partner 24/7.
“Some of your own time. Do your own thing, take yourself out, chill in another room occasionally and do that weird thing you do when you’re alone, or eat that food they don’t like. Sometimes privacy for no reason is good just to stay in touch with yourself”
In fact, sometimes having secrets can make a relationship healthier.
“The idea that a healthy relationship means no secrets is flawed in my opinion. Some burdens are yours alone to carry and don’t need to be tossed on the shoulders of someone else. If they don’t actually need to know, ask yourself why you’re telling them.”
