911 Dispatchers Share The Funniest Calls They Couldn't Laugh At

"I once had to call my uncle (who was a cop here in Australia) because I was being bullied by a herd of cattle on his farm. They kept surrounding me and sort of squashing me so I couldn't walk away."

-u/Apprehensive-Ad4244

"Fire dispatcher years ago. Guy called in reporting a house fire. Always need accurate address info and ask if anyone is inside before we would proceed with the response. This guy was getting frantic. He's wanting fire trucks and he wants them now!!

As I'm finishing my questioning he yells; Send the motherf---in' fire trucks homey!'"

-u/VaryBasic

"State Parks ranger at a public beach in CA has 3 cartel members at gunpoint, they would take these panga boats full of pot and land on the beaches. Well he could jump on our frequency and did so to ask for backup directly, anyways I am training but I take the call, get his 20 and when hes explaining it his phone rings full blast with the John Cena trumpets theme song. I lost it laughing but kept it clear over the air."

-u/IrishSetterPuppy

"A woman called 111(New Zealand Police Number) was convinced her head was chopped off. I asked her several questions and she was still confident. She lived in a mental health home but it was still just a surprising call I couldn't stop laughing. Another one was accidentally calling a very stern-sounding female 'Sir' and my colleagues around me all burst out in laughter when I apologized."

-u/HeisenbergNz

"I'm the one who called 911, but im pretty sure they found it hilarious that my mom got beat up by a spider, considering the fact that all the doctors and nurses laughed too. There was a spider on the ceiling, and i begged my mom to kill it. So she got on a chair, and hit it. It fell to the door. She stepped off the chair and instantly fractured 4 spots in her foot. The spider still survived."

-u/SkinHunger55

"Not one but my best friend is one. I knew all the cops including the chief as they’d always come over for lunch, dinner, etc as they’d go weeks or months without getting called. My mother heard it was slow that day and nobody had called and they were about to get off their shifts. My mother called 911 telling them she made brownies as they all loved hers and rushed over there. Then a year later she called as the chief offered to take her on a ride along in the back of the cop car for craps and giggles."

-u/fg10037

"I had a 911 open line where I could absolutely hear a young man and his lady friend having some vigorous, um, fun. But because I couldn’t get either of them to actually pick up the phone… I had to send a pair of officers to their RapidSOS location."

-u/Gaudy_Tripod

"My uncle had a pair of mischievous dogs when he was younger (pre cell phone days). They learned how to call 911 on the landline. People showed up and played with them! From then on when he was at work they’d call 911 at least once a day for attention. I’m sure the dispatchers all got a big laugh constantly over that. And were likely jealous they didn’t get to have a work time play date with some silly dogs!"

-u/CocklesTurnip

"Not a 9-1-1 call, but our dispatch received a call from a woman who was concerned about her friend. She hadn't talked to him in a while and his farm was not being kept up. She had to go in and harvest and feed the animals.

Oh, this farm was in Farmville on Facebook. This was a guy she was only friends with on Facebook, through Farmville."

-u/Lucky-11

"Call came in, guy was chasing down a vehicle on some back country road, because the teenagers in the other car had thrown a block of cheese at my caller and hit him in the head.

I confirmed it multiple times before I typed that out. Block, not slice .

Dispatcher put it out over the radio. 2 officers and and the sheriff all called in and confirmed that yes, we said a block of cheese."

-u/asportate

"I had a friend who is a police officer tell me that at 2 am she got a call about barking dogs. So she goes to the house. The barking dogs belonged to the lady who called. She wanted help controlling her OWN dogs. Like seriously."

-u/EdgeMiserable4381

"I was very new and I was working one night and got a call from a very drunk man. I don’t remember exactly what was going on but I know he was at a bar in a rural area. But I was trying to get his exact location and asked him what was going on and he immediately responded in the most weeping crying way 'I don’t know what that meeeeeans.' I wasn’t expecting this response and it caught me off guard and I immediately had to mute my mic and laughed."

-u/chadsterou

"The one I remember most as 'funny' from when I was a dispatcher was mostly a typo from the calltaker. Our city has a large bridge and if there's debris or other hazard on it, it can be dangerous so officers are sent on code (edited to add: on code here is lights and sirens) to clear it off before somebody hits it and causes an accident.

Call taker put in a hazard on the bridge call-a buck in the roadway.

Now, we do have deer but not in the city....and not on the bridge. Usually. I had all sorts of officers who were free at that time jumping on the call while I tried to get some clarification.

The disappointment in those voices over the radio when I confirmed and told them it was a bucket was heartbreaking hahaha."

-u/boxofpeaches

"Some lady called me asking if we could have a unit "house-sit" for her while she went on vacation for a week. I told her we don't do that, she'd need to hire someone or ask family to help out.

She got all angry and huffed and puffed at me saying I don't understand anything. She simply wanted them to stay in her house, watch the dogs, and make sure no one tried to break in as an off-duty job.

I once again said we don't do off-duty work in civilian homes and she angrily hung up on me."

-u/No_Calligrapher_5789

"One night shift at like 3am I'm sitting at my desk when this woman frantically dragged her child in and was full on blubbering/crying because she has an inoperable brain tumour that needs to be confirmed and a miracle worker specialist need to be called in.

It was all just references to Grey's anatomy episodes. She was just showing me pics and videos on her phone from Grey's anatomy episodes because she woke up in the middle of the night with a headache and assumed that she needed miracle neurosurgery in the middle of the night."

-u/[user]

"One night she called in and since it was slow and always a good time those of us not doing anything clicked in on the line to listen. [This regular caller] was ranting and raving and the calltaker who had her was one of the sweetest nicest people you ever wanted to meet. Eventually she asks where she lives and the woman replied with, 'I live on Sesame Street' and without missing a beat the calltaker responded 'Well ma'am can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?' We all collectively lost it thank God for noise canceling mics lol."

-u/bigred49342

"When I was dispatching for the police, there was this one time where this guy called in and said that he was being chased by a chicken. I tried my best to keep a straight face, but I was laughing so hard on the inside."

-u/BeginningInfluence55

"My sisters story:

Teenager attempted to get police because there was a 'monster chicken' walking around behind a gate at someones house. Turns out he didn't know what turkeys looked like."

-u/moosesanddave

"A woman called 911 demanding that a man sitting on her favorite park bench be removed by the police. She was told misuse of 911 is a crime, but she called back two more times. Not sure whatever became of her, but I would imagine she got a big fine."

-u/drygnfyre

"Got a call by one of the managers at a bowling alley complaining that their ice machine was broken and it’s a really busy night and how if someone doesn’t come out to fix it, there will be no cold drinks."

-u/blue_13