Many times in relationships , a partner will have expectations of their significant other. Sometimes, people have extremely high standards and expectations of their partners.
Many go into relationships with set desires for what they want out of their significant other and what they will and will not tolerate. At times, it’s the small things that can be a deal-breaker for someone. Other times, it’s the big things that cause them to walk away.
Expectations are at everyone’s forefront when dating.
When beginning to see people, we all have a standard checklist that we want to look over and “check off” to see if someone is a good fit for us. A lot of what we are seeking in a relationship stems from things we have learned over the years.
Sometimes, this is from past relationships.
There are things we learn that we like and dislike n a partner. Both men and women sometimes take past relationships into account when considering this. They see what they liked in previous relationships, and also what they hated and could not put up with.
There are also those who learn from their parents.
Other people look at their parents as their foundation for what it truly means to be in love. They look to their mother or their father as their “ideal” person, hoping to find positive qualities in a future spouse.
When someone does not have these qualities, it can be a deal-breaker.
If a young girl grows up with a dad who works hard to support their household, she may find it a turnoff when a guy doesn’t have a steady job or career. If a boy grows up seeing a strong, independent woman as a mother, it can be a deal-breaker when a woman cannot take care of herself.
Recently, one Reddit user shared that this ideology is what led to a major issue in his relationship.
Reddit user u/tawayaitalifeskills wrote into the popular Reddit thread “Am I The A**hole” seeking advice about his relationship after he had run into an issue with his girlfriend.
For starters, he shared that his mother is one of his biggest “role models” when it comes to women.
His dad had up and left his mom, who didn’t know English when he was 11-years-old to start a new family.
“My mum didn’t know English, had no clue how to even pay bills but somehow managed to pull everything together. She’s a [expletive] legend, but this experience imprinted on me the need that any partner I have in future has to be self-sufficient and capable of looking after themselves,” he shared .
However, his girlfriend is apparently far from “self-sufficient.”
He shared that his girlfriend is a college graduate with a good job, but she is not great at knowing how to operate outside of her job and career. The two have been together for two years, but her lack of independence has been a real problem for him.
For example, he said that she bought her first car and hardly knew how to take care of it.
“I tried to show her some basic maintenance things she can do on her own drive; how to check the tire pressure, the oil, headlights, explaining fuel reserves, etc. She showed no interest, and come a couple of months later the thing had clonked out…I went out to have a look and there was no oil in the [expletive] thing,” he said .
The main issue they are currently having, however, turned into a big blowup.
The two booked a vacation together for a 2-week tour of South East Asia. The Reddit user had asked prior if his girlfriend’s passport has “at least a year on it.” She had said it does. However, when they got to the airport, she realized it was expired.
Angry, he asked why she hadn’t renewed it.
His girlfriend said that her father is the one who put in the application for her passport 10 years ago and she had no idea how to renew it. Frustrated and upset, he decided to go on the trip anyway and left her at the airport.
His girlfriend was not happy with him at all for leaving her.
“I returned from the holiday (she didn’t answer any of my calls or text whilst I was abroad) and once I was back she chewed me out for abandoning her at the airport,” he said on the Reddit post.
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She also said he “should have checked for her.”
“Sorry, but I ain’t pissing 3000 pounds up the wall because you didn’t bother to check the exact thing I asked you to. It’s really frustrating because I don’t want to treat a partner like a child, like my dad did with my mum,” he said.
Some people said he wasn’t wrong for leaving her there.
“That is incredibly frustrating, and she can’t go through life like that. It isn’t safe, I’m sure there are women who aren’t as resourceful or resilient as your mother and end up in even worse situations because they don’t have any life skills,” said poetinahat .
Others agreed that it was her fault.
“If she is an adult then she is, and should be, responsible for doing adult things. You even asked her well in advance to make sure her passport had at least a year on it. There was no reason you should have been “punished” for her failure to complete such a basic task by missing out on the trip,” shared vodka_philosophy .
However, some did question why he was even with her if this is how he presents his girlfriend.
“You write about your girlfriend like she’s some random idiot you just happen to see on occasion. You don’t seem to have much affection for her. Either self-sufficiency isn’t as important to you as you claim, or you like being the smartest person in the relationship. Why are you with someone you obviously have very little respect for,” questioned PithyRiposte .
