Living your life with children is like riding your favorite ride at an amusement park, over and over and over again, until you either puke, cry, or start screaming.
For those of you who know exactly what it's like to be blessed with hell's angels, here are 15 tweets about life with children to remind you that it's always an adventure.
You can't afford to be a light sleeper when you're a parent, otherwise — you'll never sleep again. I would start training by napping in an inversion machine, with the TV at full blast, while your partner silently pelts you with Cheerios.
A child's innocent streak gets shorter and shorter with each new generation. In no time, they'll be playing both sides against the middle and have you doubting everything you once knew to be true.
"Been searching for my 4 year old’s[sic] dog who is lost somewhere in this house. her[sic]… imaginary dog. we[sic] still haven’t found him. she’s[sic] crying." - Twitter @geesweetyeeks
Kids do love to talk, don't they? It's like once they master the basic principles of conversation, they want to hone them until they talk themselves hoarse. In these situations, I find that a good pair of earplugs work wonders.
"I would like to officially apologize to my toddler for cutting her left pancake before I cut her right pancake, I don’t know what I was thinking." - Twitter @reallifemommy3
It's water and cold, people — how hard is that!? I totally feel your pain. Not only am I the only one in our household who knows how to make ice, but I'm also the only one who knows how to change a toilet paper roll.
Oh my gosh, what could possibly be in their room? Just please don't let it be something with sharp teeth and rabies, like an opossum or a raccoon. Those things scare the crap out of me!
Believe it or not, I can oddly relate to this kid. When I was young, an older kid I hung around with had braces and I was utterly obsessed with getting a set of my own. I used to be such an idiot.
Rubber bones plus fearless regard for the consequences of one's own actions is a deadly combination. I just hope beyond hope that no trips to the hospital came about as a result of this ask.
Only 16? You should count yourself as lucky. I used to be such a master at getting out of bed that I'd be in the living room waiting before my mom and dad had even made it back downstairs. Houdini himself couldn't have done any better.
I once saw my best friend's kid erupt and turn into a wailing banshee all because they'd managed to get themselves "stuck" in a turtleneck sweater. It was the best form of birth control I'd ever seen.
The worst is when kids get to that age where they think they're helping but really all they're doing is hindering and making your life 1000x harder than it already is. Just go and play with some blocks or something and leave me be!
For the love of God, Johnny! If you can work the stereo, TV, and play AngryBirds on my tablet, then you better believe I know that you know how to pour milk on your own stupid bowl of cereal!
Author Arthur Conan Doyle once famously wrote, “When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” I feel as if that quote sums up parenting better than anything I've ever encountered.
"My 5yo asked if she could have a brownie and I started to say no cause it was too close to dinner and she said, “please your highness”. So I asked her where that came from and she said matter of factly, "cause you’re my Queen.” So anyway, she’s now having brownies for dinner." - Twitter @SnarkyMommy78
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