Father holding son in a field.
Unsplash | Isaac Quesada

15 Dads Who Perfectly Described Fatherhood With Tweets

There's nothing that compares to the joy of hearing your child laugh, or the sensation that comes from watching them smile and play — what a complete crock.

Real dads know that part of being a real, honest parent means admitting the times when our little mini-mes drive us up the wall. Have a look and check out these 15 dads who perfectly sum up fatherhood with tweets.

Sold-out by your own daughter.

Keep a lid on it, kid! Don't go diming me out to your mom just because your 3-year-old brain hasn't yet figured out how to go about your mischief undetected. It took me years to be able to master those skills, and I don't need you blowing my gambit up in front of the boss lady.

Don't text me while you're at school...unless it's something important.

Yes, yes, we all know that it's important for kids to pay attention and stay off their tech and tablets while at school. But when it's something as "life or death" as the new COD trailer, you better believe I'm answering.

The odds simply don't add up, so don't even bother trying to make sense of it.

Roulette wheel.
Unsplash | Free Walking Tour Salzburg

"Probability tells you that a toddler has a 50-50 chance of putting their shoes on the correct feet. Parenting tells you otherwise." - Twitter @HenpeckedHal

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

If you think you've got it bad trying to wrangle your little monster, imagine having 30 of those wide-eyed little miscreants staring back at you from inside a classroom. I wholeheartedly concur — teachers do not get paid enough.

It's a question that all fathers ask themselves at one point or another.

Car stereo.
Unsplash | Erik Mclean

"If you’ve never turned the volume on your car stereo up to drown out the sounds of your kids, are you really even a parent?" - Twitter @R_A_Dadass

Serenity now!

As the twig is bent, so grows the tree. The only solace I have is the knowledge that one day, that little buzzsaw is going to grow up and have incredibly annoying kids of their own. And when that day comes, my glee won't be able to be contained.

In the interest of inclusivity...

I'm tired of seeing all these know-it-all perfect angel Disney Princesses. Instead of instilling adult qualities into children, why not paint them as the terrifying miscreants that they are? Now that's a movie I want to see...or do I?

You are not my son.

What kind of human being complains about eating pizza too often? When I was a kid, I would've eaten pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. As a matter of fact, I still would even today.

I can totally relate.

I was over at my brother's house not long ago and I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to turn on the TV and stereo system. All of a sudden, in strolls my 4-year-old niece who promptly takes the controller from out my hand, and fixes it in five-seconds-flat. She doesn't even know how to tie her shoes yet!

All I have to say to this is speak for yourself...

Homer Simpsons drinking with Mojo the helper monkey.
Giphy |

"Instead of day drinking[sic] we get to take our kid to a birthday party and stand around with our hands in our pockets listening to kids cough." - Twitter @simoncholland

The sass is something else.

My favorite parenting quote comes courtesy of Homer Simpson, who once said "The sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back." That always resonated with me, probably because truer words have never been spoken.

What is it with little kids and band-aids?

I can remember being a kid and having this compulsion to cover myself in band-aids. It was right around the time when I first got into "Goosebumps" books, so the best I can figure is that I was trying to make myself look like a mummy.

What is this "pretend"?

Pretend? I feed her, wash her clothes, wipe her butt, and do everything else in-between. I don't need to "pretend" that I'm her servant — I'm literally living the life of an indentured servant as is.

Why do we even call it "Ranch"?

I mean, if we're polling opinions, I for one think that "salad frosting" is a far superior name compared to "Ranch." What is Ranch, anyway? What am I getting; what does it mean? I'd go as far as to say that it's the most untrustworthy of all salad dressings.

Give me a moment to think, dammit!

Tom Hanks looking pensive.
Giphy | The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

"Do I miss having time to myself and sleeping through the night since my kid was born? Yes. But would I give up being a father just for the sake of the extra time in bed on the weekends? Hang on I'm thinking." - Twitter @thedad

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