Zuckerberg Wants Workers To Rebrand Themselves As 'Metamates'

Mark Zuckerberg
Facebook | Mark Zuckerberg

What's the cringe-iest thing your boss has ever done?

I'm guessing it has something to do with a team-building exercise or using awkward language to refer to the workplace and its workers.

With the recent rebrand of Facebook's parent company to Meta, the social network's founder Mark Zuckerberg has rolled out a new way for Facebook employees to see themselves.

They're not Facebook employees. They're...Metamates.

Phone showing Facebook
Unsplash | Firmbee.com

That's right. If you work at Facebook, you are now (in the eyes of Mark Zuckerberg, at the very least) a Metamate. Zuck laid out some core values for his employees in a recent Facebook post.

The new company values replace ones that had been in place since 2007.

Mark Zuckerberg
Wikimedia Commons | Alessio Jacona

It seems like a refresher was overdue, but the new values include some head-scratchers.

"Now is the right time to update our values and our cultural operating system," Zuckerberg wrote, nerdily.

Let's dig into these new values, which are called...sigh...Meta, Metamates, Me.

Value 1: Move Fast.

A man moving fast
Giphy | 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment

This one makes sense. Zuckerberg says he wants his company to build and learn faster than other companies. "This means acting with urgency and not waiting until next week to do something you could do today," he explains.

In short, if you work at Facebook, you're working overtime tonight.

Value 2: Focus on Long-Term Impact.

A volcano
Unsplash | Raissa Lara L├╝tolf (-Fasel)

This one has to deal with thinking pragmatically for the long term rather than focusing on short-term wins. If this seems to fly in the face of Value 1 somewhat, you'd be right.

Value 3: Build Awesome Things.

A Lego set
Unsplash | Omar Albeik

This "pushes us to ship things that are not just good, but also awe-inspiring," wrote Zuckerberg.

I don't think I'd ever describe Facebook as 'awe-inspiring,' but it's a noble goal, I suppose.

Value 4: Live in the Future.

Gif: "the future"
Giphy | Pixel Prophecy

Now this one just feels impossible.

Hemingway wrote, “There is nothing else than now. There is neither yesterday, certainly, nor is there any tomorrow."

I guess Mark Zuckerberg hasn't read Hemingway. It's impossible to live in the future, is what I'm saying.

Value 5: Be Direct and Respect Your Colleagues.

A work meeting
Unsplash | LinkedIn Sales Solutions

The last value, almost shoehorned in at the end, has to do with treating people decently and creating a non-toxic workplace. This is the kind of thing that's top of mind for most employees, regardless of where they work, but only feels grudgingly acknowledged by bosses.

Fight on, Metamates.

Mark Zuckerberg

Meta, Metamates, Me is about being good stewards of our company and mission," explains Zuckerberg. "It's about the sense of responsibility we have for our collective success and to each other as teammates. It's about taking care of our company and each other."

Basically, he wants employees to put the company first, co-workers second, and themselves last.

Michael Scott: "What?"
Giphy | The Office

Zuckerberg's message continues for awhile, but I'm guessing that most people zoned out after the first paragraph. It's just several paragraphs of corporate speak, vaguely advocating for bigger and better things without setting any quantifiable goals.

Would you want to be a Metamate?

Mark Zuckerberg
Facebook | Mark Zuckerberg

I've always seen myself as an employee or contractor for the places that have paid me. Would I feel better if I was a Metamate? In short, no. But we'd love to hear your thoughts, so please share in the comments!