19 Funny Tweets From Women We All Need To Read

Sarah Kester
Unsplash | Jae Park

Need a good pick-me-up to get your week started off right? You've come to the right place. 

You already know that women are beautiful, wondrous creatures. Fearless, sexy, and divine — okay, maybe those are the lyrics from the viral "I Am Woman" song

But another thing that is true is that we are is funny. The evidence is right here in these 19 tweets that will have you bursting out laughing!

Entitled to condensation

This has definitely been the bane of eyeglass wearers' existence during the pandemic. And no matter how many times you pull your mask under the bridge or use special wipes, it still happens! We are entitled to compensation for our condensation.

The unintended poster child

Unsplash | Jonah Brown

"i’ll post a selfie looking the best i’ve ever looked and someone will be like 'thank you for promoting REALISTIC beauty standards,'" this user [wrote](https://twitter.com/GabbiBoyd/status/1480244330098950155).

The nervous chair

This will go great with our crippling depression sofa and our social anxiety rug! You can literally see the nerves shaking from here. It's a lot like the hand of the JELL-O girl from Jurassic Park. Was she the designer?

Decisions, decisions...

Unless you're a ~~psychopath~~ person who likes to try new foods, this is for you. A lot of the food choices we have throughout life started at the ripe age of nine. Ordering a burger at every restaurant we go to? Check. Getting the same turkey sub at Subway? Yup!

We see right through you

So we're all out here with the same boyfriend/husband, huh? This definitely goes for guilty-pleasure shows like The Bachelor, 90 Day Fiancé, and Love is Blind.

They go from making fun of the situation to dissecting the relationships and then asking when the next episode is on.

It's a no from me, dawg

Unsplash | Kinga Cichewicz

"am I working at my regular capacity? no. but am I prioritizing and taking care of the most important tasks? no. but am I at least taking care of myself and my mental health? also no," this user wrote. SAME, girl.

We're friendly, OK?!!??!

If we're not overly nice (i.e. using a lot of periods), we feel like we're being rude and too serious. But the second we add more than one exclamation mark, we feel a little crazy and perhaps a little dumb. Email writing is truly a delicate balance.

Just take our money


"Therapist: you don’t love yourself Me: so true king. Here’s $80," this user wrote. We're really out here paying someone to tell us something we already knew?!

The point was lost 10 letters ago

You try to do a good thing for the environment, and is this is how we're thanked? Banks love to preach about helping out the environment, while also sending us three different credit card offers per week.

We don't need to man!

The hoop earrings are a nice touch. We've been fixing men for years; I think we can handle that new table from IKEA!

Dating is rough

Giphy | SomeGoodNews

Selling a picture of ourselves is easy; you just filter the crap out of it. The real problem with dating apps is selling your true personality without lying entirely.

How can we dress up "emotionally closed off, don't like going out, and therapist's number is on speed dial"?

The big sigh

Unsplash | Irina

"Is there anything funnier than when a cozy cat or dog suddenly heaves a big SIGH like dude what could possibly be the matter," this user wrote.

Seriously. Go back to your yurt, Fluffy.

The struggle is real

Hope is all we got at this point! Now that we're adults, life isn't ever going to slow down. There will always be new things added to the to-do list and less and less time to get stuff done. Welcome to adulthood!

Red is our color

Giphy | Steve Harvey TV

"normalize leaving after the first red flag, I won’t do it, but you guys should," this user wrote.

We don't need a red flag; we need a parade of people waving around signs that say, "run!" Then, maybe we'll get the message. Maybe not. Life's more ~~toxic~~ fun that way.

We really need to call Mom and Dad more

This is clearly their excuse to talk to us!

And if they don't send it to us, they will keep it in the shrine of us in the basement to grab when we're home for the holidays.

We're just trying to be helpful

Unsplash | RoseBox رز باکس

"'your package is out for delivery' ok where bc i’ll meet them halfway," this user tweeted.

We're tired of waiting by the window, staring out into the abyss, the moment our order said, "shipped." WE NEED ACTION.

This boyfriend better thread carefully

This boyfriend is just asking for his girlfriend to cry for the third time! Instead of complaining, he should be grabbing her some tissues and some Ben & Jerry's, stat!

Savings are savings

Unsplash | Damir Spanic

"Adulting is when u put the $4.97 meat back because u found some for $4.72," this user tweeted.

You'd be surprised how fast 25 cents add up!

Asking the v. important questions

These are the things we need to know! The question pops up when we're in the shower and then continues to bug us until we know the answer. To deliver that, the answer is that it brings enjoyment for the penguins!