15 Things Women Thought Were Normal In Relationships (But Were Abusive)

Lex Gabrielle
couple sitting in the sunset
Unsplash | Khamkéo Vilaysing

In some relationships, there are many red flags that people overlook. When we're in love, everything can be seen with rose-colored lenses and glasses—we don't always see the negative things because we are in complete and total bliss.

However, in the end, we realize that things are a bit unhealthy, toxic, and totally abusive. Sometimes, it takes leaving to see the things that were truly wrong.

The silent treatment.

couple sitting on rocks
Unsplash | Cody Black

"My husband would literally tell me he’s not going to talk to me for a week. He would think that would make me think about what I did.. then that was a free pass for him to do whatever he wanted," shared readit12times.


gifts wrapped up
Unsplash | freestocks

Oooeeeks shared that love-bombing is a real thing. Gifts and surprises may be nice, but if they are done all of the time, it's a manipulation tactic to get you to feel attached and guilty for being upset or angry with them ever.

Being too controlling of the other person's life.

hand conrolling a puppet
Unsplash | Sivani B

"Being responsible for making sure that nothing goes wrong in the other person's life and they never have a disappointment. Turns out that makes every disappointment or sadness my partner feels my fault, even if I have no control and can't fix it," said Purple__Unicorn.

Being told your feelings aren't valid.

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Unsplash | M.

Desirai shared that her boyfriend used to invalidate her feelings often, making her feel bad for having any emotional reaction and calling her a "cry baby" for crying too much or ever at all.

Having to prove yourself.

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Unsplash | Krists Luhaers

Union_of_Onion said that her boyfriend would make up fake scenarios in his head and she would constantly have to prove her love to him over and over again, despite there never being anything wrong in the first place.

Being called a prude if they weren't in the mood.

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Unsplash | Charlie Foster

yea_you_know_me shared that she was made out to be a prude and also guilted whenever she didn't want to have sex or just wasn't in the mood to do it at all.

Thinking that they were the big problem.

woman crying in bedroom
Unsplash | Claudia Wolff

"I was gaslit into thinking I was the problem and the cause of his rage-fuelled outbursts. We’re having a good day, I drop a fork in the kitchen by accident, it makes a slight noise, he screams at me. I thought I was too loud, too clumsy, too inconsiderate etc," shared flyingteap0ts.

Controlling all their actions.

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Unsplash | Milan Popovic

kristimyers72 said her ex thought that everything she did was a reflection on him, so he would control and manipulate her every move trying to make sure she did everything that he wanted all of the time.

Not letting her go out.

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Unsplash | Afif Kusuma

"Not being allowed to go out with my friends or even family because he would 'miss me too much.' Thought it was cute at first, but my friends made me realize how possessive and jealous he was being. Thank God for those friends who stuck around," shared farianaton.

Wildholding compliments.

woman angry and upset
Unsplash | OSPAN ALI

bananajamz987 said that her boyfriend would withhold compliments from her because he felt they were obvious and that if he told her too often, she would get an ego and a big head. Even if she shared the good news, he was bored and uninterested.

Being scared of him.

woman ashamed
Unsplash | Eric Ward

"Having small disagreements turn into being screamed at and threatened with abandonment. So what if the clothes stayed in the washer overnight. It’s not something to even be upset about," shared Miss_Linden.

Going from 1-100 real quick.

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Unsplash | Allan Dias

Penetrative admitted that his friends would flirt with her and he would blame her for misreading the situation. Then when friends left, he would call her terrible names and throw things saying she was the one who caused everything. But, he said it was all because he loved her.

Being made out to be stupid.

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Unsplash | Atikh Bana

"Being talked down to, like I was dumb and couldn’t understand simple concepts. Yes, he was superficially smarter than me, but there are many other types of 'smart.' Of which he was not. Being book smart and knowing dates and people in history doesn’t make you a god," said Alternative-Poem-337.

Being made to feel guilty all the time.

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Unsplash | Anthony Tran

Mari_0520 said that whenever she shared anything, her ex would question her and make her feel like she was guilty until proven innocent. He would break down every story she had as though she was lying.


woman hiding her body
Unsplash | Velizar Ivanov

"Being told to change my clothes because he decided that I looked too sexy and that people would notice me. This, of course, coming from jealousy. Being made ashamed of my body and clothing choices because my large breasts were noticeable through any clothes I wore," said kristimyers72.