21 Questions Women Never Want To Hear From Their Partner

Jordan Claes
Couple holding hands in a park while the sun is going down behind them.
Unsplash | Ben White

You've probably grown up thinking that there's no such thing as a stupid question — I know I certainly did. But then I went and got married and I realized just how stupid that theory really is.

Believe me when I say that stupid questions exist, and women get asked them all the time (just ask my wife). With that being said, here are 21 questions women never want to hear from their partners.

"What can I do to help?"

A "Help Wanted" sign in a display window.
Unsplash | Tim Mossholder

I haven't been married for that long, but take it from me — women don't want to tell you how you can help them. They need you to step up, problem-solve, anticipate, and act.

"How much do you weigh?"

A person pictured from the knees down, standing on a bathroom scale.
Unsplash | i yunmai

Unless you happen to work at a traveling carnival in the midway — it is never OK to ask another human being this question. It's both presumptive and incredibly rude, so just shut up about it already.

"Why can’t you be more like my mom?" - Reddit u/noonecaresat805

Carlton saying, "Mommy!" while stripping in, 'The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air'.
Giphy

Easy there, Oedipus Rex — you only get one mother in life. So if you expect another grown woman (who didn't birth you into this world) to clean up after you, cook your meals, wipe your ass, etc. — you'd best move back home.

Are you begging to be slapped in the face?

A woman holding her face, with a confused look.
Unsplash | Sherise Van Dyk

Reddit user ScarlettA7992 was once asked by a man if she could make her butt and boobs bigger. Fellas, can you make your [expletive] bigger? If not, maybe you should just pipe down.

If she doesn't offer then don't ask.

A girl sitting on the beach, wearing a green bikini bottom, with a sandy butt.
Unsplash | Jernej Graj

Reddit user nuwaanda never wants another man to ask, "Can we try anal?" Sure, so long as you're the one offering up your butthole for exploration. Otherwise, this is an exit-only situation.

"Can you send me a nude? I’m horny." - Reddit u/alexisohyes

Jennifer Lawrence in 'Silver Linings Playbook' saying, "Ugh, you're killing me."
Giphy

Believe it or not, it's probably a bad idea to objectify your wife/girlfriend/partner. Also, telling you that you'll send one back in return isn't as enticing as you think it is.

Men who can't cook aren't sexy.,

A chef in the kitchen wafting a pot.
Unsplash | Vitor Monthay

Reddit user backsouth is sick and tired of being asked, on a daily basis, "What's for dinner?" What's for dinner is whatever your loving wife/girlfriend graciously puts on your plate. Unless you're cooking it yourself, just shut up and be grateful.

Open marriages/relationships don't work.

A woman walking into the bedroom, wearing a robe, while her male partner waits for her.
Unsplash | We-Vibe Toys

Reddit user scarlet_mei was once asked if she'd be open to the idea of an open marriage. Call her crazy, but she'd rather work on the issues that exist before she welcomes a whole new slew of them into her bed.

"Why do you need to go to Target?" - Reddit u/Mintersnap

Helga in 'Hey, Arnold!' saying, "Um, because I do."
Giphy | Hey Arnold

Why do you need to go golfing; why do you need to watch football on Sundays? Because you just do. At the end of the day, she's probably going to Target to replace those ratty oldies undies you've been wearing since high school, so just be grateful and shut up.

"Was it good for you?"

Two people's feet entwined under the covers.
Unsplash | Womanizer Toys

Have you ever been told that you shouldn't ask a question unless you're 100% prepared to hear the truth? Sometimes, ignorance can be bliss. Plus, you shouldn't have to ask — you should just know.

Relatives should never stay for extended periods of time.

Lazy person lying on the sofa watching TV.
Unsplash | Adrian Swancar

Reddit user uhm-sunflowershates it when her partner asks if a member of his family can stay with them for a while. If I've learned anything, it's that in-laws are like leftovers: after a couple of days — they start to stink and are liable to make you sick.

"You’re wearing that?" - Reddit u/Jaded-Gazelle-3403

Fred Armisen asking, "What are you wearing?"
Giphy | Portlandia

Men, just because your wife/girlfriend critiques your outfit/presupposed lack of style, does not mean that you have the right to do the same to her. This is not a two-way street, despite what you may think.

What do you think?

A couple having a conversation over coffee.
Unsplash | Priscilla Du Preez

Redditor pamelaksj2195 hopes to never again be asked, "Do you think we need time away from each other?" Rhetorical questions are never a good way to go about having an uncomfortable conversation. Just say what you mean.

What possible good could come from that?

A brunette in a striped shirt folding her hands in a praying motion.
Unsplash | Ben White

Redditor Nurvanna was once asked by her partner, "Why is your friend single?" Probably because she was waiting for you, in the hopes that you'd dare to ask such an idiotic question and ruin your current relationship.

"'What's your body count?' Good Lord, no." - Reddit u/ViolinOutOfTune

Patrick Bateman saying, "Impressive. Very nice," in 'American Psycho'.
Giphy | PeacockTV

First of all, fellas, never refer to your past sexual partners as your "body count." Secondly, why in the hell do you even want to know in the first place? Some things are just better left unsaid.

Are you sure you want to walk that tightrope?

A couple standing by a river, one is looking forward while the other rests her head on his shoulders.
Unsplash | Milan Popovic

Reddit user justnotmything94 once had a guy ask her point-blank if he could have sex with his ex. In his defense, they were in an open relationship. But still, that seems so messy.

Just keep your mouth shut.

A girl crying against a rain-pattered window.
Unsplash | Milada Vigerova

Reddit user kazoo13 never wants to be asked why she's so sensitive. First of all, it's a totally subjective question. Secondly, her sensitivity is a part of who she is. Don't ask her to stop being who she is.

"Is it that time of the month?" - Reddit u/nograynogrey

A woman making a motion with her thumb across her throat.
Giphy | Prajakta Koli

Dear god, man — do you have a deathwish? No never, under no circumstance whatsoever, bring up your partner's "monthlies." Buy her chocolate, order a heating pad with massage on Amazon, and stay the hell out of her way.

You should never expect anyone to ever change their mind on fundamental opinions.

A parent holding the hand of their infant newborn.
Unsplash | Aditya Romansa

Redditor baesharambaddie69 has made her feelings about children perfectly clear. Therefore, when her partner asks her, "Should we reconsider having a baby?" it makes her want to claw his eyes out.

"Can I go out with my friends?"

Three guys hanging out on the street.
Unsplash | Jed Villejo

Never ask your wife/girlfriend/partner a spur-of-the-moment question like this. If you want to see your friends, then you should've asked her a month in advance, put it on the calendar, and then put a Googl reminder in her phone. You know, like a normal person.

I don't know you but I already know you're an idiot.

Kitty and Red talking to Eric in 'That 70s Show', calling him "Dumbass."
Giphy | IFC

"'Would you be interested in trying a threesome?' No[sic] and honestly it would piss me off to even have it brought up in the first damn place." - Reddit u/NotMyRealName814

h/t: Reddit