12+ People Finding New Ways To Be Garbage

Full disclosure: I am definitely, 100% a garbage person. That's why I'm allowed to write about this stuff.

Alternate take: I am definitely, 100% a garbage person, and that's why my editors always assign me these articles.*

Anyway, let's take a look at the people who are constantly pushing the boundaries of "why the heck would you do that, you monster?"

*Editor: Yeah, it's the second one.

Like, how you gonna do me like that after I just got over Spider-Man getting ashed at the end of "Infinity War"?

@kalesalad | Instagram

"Mr. Yard, I don't feel so good..."

You'd think by Halloween that I would've been over the trauma, but nooope...

The absolute monster who stacked the deck in this pack of Starburst.

Chee9ks | Reddit

But you know what they say: When life gives you lemon Starburst...you burn the candy factory to the ground and find yourself some strawberry Starburst.

Also garbage: My own brain.


Yeah, that spongy mess inside my skull is like a broken DVR that only records quotes from 2002 "Everybody Loves Raymond" episodes and deletes every password I need. Somehow we make it work.

Even more garbage: Me, for mentioning "Everybody Loves Raymond."

I hate that show so much, and now I'm gonna have little bits of it running back and forth around my head all day. Why do I do this to myself?

Much like Starburst's "Lemon Ratio," Pop-Tart icing levels are important. This is not cool.

Aidan123451 | Reddit

Listen, nobody eats Pop-Tarts because things are going well in their life. Just let us have the icing we saw on the package, please.

Anyone who decided that kids need more schoolwork.

manngg | Imgur

How many hours of homework are kids on now? Can't they have a break on a snow day? Who hurt you, school board?

And it's not just about the kids, either. Teachers need snow days, too.

Plus, they get to rap in the empty halls, I guess? Awesome.

Look, I need my coffee to wake up in the morning, not remember my entire childhood.

@kalesalad | Instagram

Also, and I'm not saying I could do better, but that's a sloppy "S" — get it together.

If it takes me this long to read your dang button, it's not doing its job right.

Dionne94 | Reddit

Just consider that it's 2018, and you don't need to go around giving people an excuse to stare at someone else's chest for an extended period of time.

The person who decided to pose Woody like this. Also, the person who sculpted this Woody's face.

TheBallsOfCthulhu | Imgur

Why would you do this to me, or anyone who remembers Toy Story as innocent fun?

Wow. Just...wow. Just parking spaces wherever y'all want, huh?

byecarbonate | Reddit

I tried this once, but all I got was my car towed and a restraining order from the mini-golf place across the street from my apartment.

For some reason, nobody believed me when I said I thought the sign said "Gnome Parking" instead of "No Parking."

Which seems like discrimination to me, but what do I gnome about it?

Anyone who gifts you a phone case that looks exactly like your tabletop.

iwatts1 | Tumblr

I gotta say, this is some next-level, evil-genius, passive-aggressive gift-giving.

I mean, just look at how many dashes it took to even describe what happened! Outrageous.

Architects who forgot that old saying, "Measure twice and cut once."


It's pretty simple to follow: can you see the person pooping through the door? Yes? Change the door.

I guess we've covered enough garbage people for now.


Honestly, I know I'm terrible too. I could write articles about my own mistakes, but I would literally never finish them before the list kept growing.

You know what, though? If we're all trash, we might as well enjoy ourselves.

So get out there and...I dunno. Do stuff badly? Make mistakes?

I'm sorry, I should've thought this message through first. Clearly, I am trash.

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