12+ People Finding New Ways To Be Garbage

Brett Caron 9 Nov 2018

Full disclosure: I am definitely, 100% a garbage person. That's why I'm allowed to write about this stuff.

Alternate take: I am definitely, 100% a garbage person, and that's why my editors always assign me these articles.*

Anyway, let's take a look at the people who are constantly pushing the boundaries of "why the heck would you do that, you monster?"

*Editor: Yeah, it's the second one.

Like, how you gonna do me like that after I just got over Spider-Man getting ashed at the end of "Infinity War"?

@kalesalad | Instagram

"Mr. Yard, I don't feel so good..."

You'd think by Halloween that I would've been over the trauma, but nooope...

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The absolute monster who stacked the deck in this pack of Starburst.

Chee9ks | Reddit

But you know what they say: When life gives you lemon Starburst...you burn the candy factory to the ground and find yourself some strawberry Starburst.

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Also garbage: My own brain.

Sizzle

Yeah, that spongy mess inside my skull is like a broken DVR that only records quotes from 2002 "Everybody Loves Raymond" episodes and deletes every password I need. Somehow we make it work.

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Even more garbage: Me, for mentioning "Everybody Loves Raymond."

Giphy

I hate that show so much, and now I'm gonna have little bits of it running back and forth around my head all day. Why do I do this to myself?

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Much like Starburst's "Lemon Ratio," Pop-Tart icing levels are important. This is not cool.

Aidan123451 | Reddit

Listen, nobody eats Pop-Tarts because things are going well in their life. Just let us have the icing we saw on the package, please.

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Anyone who decided that kids need more schoolwork.

manngg | Imgur

How many hours of homework are kids on now? Can't they have a break on a snow day? Who hurt you, school board?

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And it's not just about the kids, either. Teachers need snow days, too.

Giphy | Saturday Night Live

Plus, they get to rap in the empty halls, I guess? Awesome.

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Look, I need my coffee to wake up in the morning, not remember my entire childhood.

@kalesalad | Instagram

Also, and I'm not saying I could do better, but that's a sloppy "S" — get it together.

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If it takes me this long to read your dang button, it's not doing its job right.

Dionne94 | Reddit

Just consider that it's 2018, and you don't need to go around giving people an excuse to stare at someone else's chest for an extended period of time.

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The person who decided to pose Woody like this. Also, the person who sculpted this Woody's face.

TheBallsOfCthulhu | Imgur

Why would you do this to me, or anyone who remembers Toy Story as innocent fun?

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Wow. Just...wow. Just parking spaces wherever y'all want, huh?

byecarbonate | Reddit

I tried this once, but all I got was my car towed and a restraining order from the mini-golf place across the street from my apartment.

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For some reason, nobody believed me when I said I thought the sign said "Gnome Parking" instead of "No Parking."

Giphy

Which seems like discrimination to me, but what do I gnome about it?

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Anyone who gifts you a phone case that looks exactly like your tabletop.

iwatts1 | Tumblr

I gotta say, this is some next-level, evil-genius, passive-aggressive gift-giving.

I mean, just look at how many dashes it took to even describe what happened! Outrageous.

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Architects who forgot that old saying, "Measure twice and cut once."

Reddit

It's pretty simple to follow: can you see the person pooping through the door? Yes? Change the door.

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I guess we've covered enough garbage people for now.

Sizzle

Honestly, I know I'm terrible too. I could write articles about my own mistakes, but I would literally never finish them before the list kept growing.

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You know what, though? If we're all trash, we might as well enjoy ourselves.

Giphy

So get out there and...I dunno. Do stuff badly? Make mistakes?

I'm sorry, I should've thought this message through first. Clearly, I am trash.

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