Instagram | evelynalag

People Who Were Blamed In Suicide Letters Tell Their Stories

Paddy Clarke 11 Nov 2019

Having someone close to you commit suicide can leave you questioning a lot things; such as, whether you should have done more, whether you missed the signs, and whether you are to blame. Feeling responsible for another person's suicide is incredibly common, but is never really the case.

However, sometimes people will leave suicide notes blaming others for a variety of reasons. One person took to Reddit to find out how this impacted the lives of those who were blamed, and why they were mentioned as such in the letters, by asking, "People who were named for negative reasons in suicide letters, what is your story? How did their death impact your life?"

Suicide is a complex situation. However, I have gathered here some of the most heartbreaking and unbelievable stories that people had to share.

**If you ever feel like you are struggling, there are a plethora of good helplines available online for you to talk to.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

1. Blamed For Not Having Sex With Someone

Instagram | the_retro_arcade

"A friend of a friend's fiance hung himself in a Game shop and left a note blaming:

1: Debt

2: Me not having sex with him

"He and I had had one conversation in the entire time I'd known him, where I said I didn't care for the sequel to Wayne's World that much and he called me a stupid b***h. That's it." — LibraryLuLu

This guy sounds like he had some serious issues. Anyone who gets that obsessed with someone after what sounds like an uncomfortable argument about a sequel that no one particularly likes is pretty intense.

Load Comments

2. Ex-Girlfriend

Instagram | reasons_i_cry

"I had just gotten out of my depression episode and I met her. But she was always so negative and manipulative and always made me seem like I wasn't doing enough to help her. So I tried to break up with her but she threatened suicide and made her best friend message me over and over again guilt tripping me because of how much she loved me and how I needed to be with her otherwise it would destroy her [...]

I finally gave up and said I can't do it anymore, and she took a shard of broken glass, slit her wrists, and lay down on my front lawn in a tank top. Ambulance and parents were called, I haven't spoken to her or her friends since. It was traumatizing." — Skymart

No one should be forced into a relationship, and being on the receiving end of this sort of manipulation can leave you feeling like you are at fault, but you are not.

Load Comments

3. The Aftermath

Unsplash | Kalegin Michail

"The worst residual effect is waking up from a dream about them. In the dream and for a few moments after you wake up, you feel like they are still alive, and then reality sets in and it's almost like the first time you found out all over again. I still think of him almost every day, still dream about him sometimes. The day I found out he died, I remember driving on the highway, fantasizing about getting back together with him after he got his life together [...]

"I still have panic attacks whenever I can't get ahold of someone I love because the pain that comes with finding out you've lost them forever is almost unbearable at first. Falling asleep is the hardest part, not because you might dream about them but because waking up from the dream hurts so bad." -moreplooter

Load Comments

4. Abusive Stepfather

Unsplash | _Mxsh_

"I was a kid, about 10-11. My Mum's had moved in with her boyfriend and everything seemed fine. I went to visit on weekends, and that's when he started molesting me. I told a family member, and it got taken to the police. I had to go be interviewed [...] He committed suicide while this was all happening, and it's never been outright said but the snippets of his note I've been told, it was because of me. It was never penetrating abuse, and for the longest time, I worried I'd blown it out of proportion. [...]

"When they got his computer wiped after his death, the guy at the computer shop said there was so much child porn on it he would have called the police if the guy wasn't already dead. Some days I still feel his death is on me, some days I'm stronger and remember I didn't ask to be abused, I didn't make him kill himself." — KillerMagicBeans

He chose his own path in life, and it is not something that this person should in any way feel responsible for.

Load Comments

5. Blaming The Divorce Lawyer

Flickr | Missouri Southern

"My father is a retired lawyer, he told me that for his first divorce case he had written a strong-worded opening brief for the judge and that the husband hung himself with the letter pinned to his chest.

He told me when I asked him why he never worked on family law." — Shryke2a

Who knows what is meant by "strong-worded," but at the end of the day, the lawyer is not to blame for the man taking the actions that he took.

Load Comments

6. Friends With Benefits

Instagram | sandhya_hearts_mk

"I had a friends with benefits relationship with a girl who was depressed - neither of us wanted the commitment of a serious relationship. I know it's selfish to say but her depression was taking a big toll on my self and when she said she was getting feelings for me I knew it was time to break things off [...]

"She went quiet for about a week and I got a message from her roommate reaching out to me as her boyfriend that she had hung herself a day after our last conversation. Her suicide note was half-finished on a word document. I was named along with her family, an ex of hers who she said caused her depression to start, and her closest friend." — Cyasomeday

Apparently, the note also detailed a dream that she had had, in which the author of this post and the girl's ex-boyfriend watched her pull her own heart out with their backs turned, and the feelings she felt while doing it had validated her willingness to die.

Load Comments

7. Named In A Positive Light

Instagram | 567glooow

"I was named in a suicide letter in, I guess, a positive light...? Her note said she was sorry, and she loved us (me, and one of her other close friends), but she couldn't do it anymore. The last time I saw her she said we'd go get cupcakes the next week; instead, she killed herself over Valentine's Day, with the handgun her ex-boyfriend bought her.

"I cannot put into words what this did to my life - it's like everything was split into a time before, and a time after, and nothing has been the same since [...] I wish I had pushed her harder to get help, but at the same time I know she was determined and had made up her mind." — wightwitch

The feeling you're left with after a close friend dies, whether it be by suicide or another cause, can feel like an unfillable hole in your life. It is important to hold on to the good memories you had with that person.

For this person, it is important to remember that you were clearly one of the most important people in your friend's life, and you probably helped them in more ways than you realize.

Load Comments

8. "My father committed suicide 7 years ago when I was 23."

Instagram | sheerelementstudio

"We were never particularly close growing up but always had this unspoken father/son bond where we just did things together without saying any words. In the months leading up to his death he would write to me and try calling but I always felt uncomfortable talking about feelings [...] His suicide letter arrived a few days later with my birthday card.

"His letter was a paragraph long and had a gift voucher to a bottle shop. My older sister, however, received a two-page letter with his iPod and books on grieving. Very big difference. I can never tell if my short goodbye letter was the unspoken bond, or if he was genuinely pissed off I didn't give him the time of day to hear him out." — hewsUneekyoosername

This person went on to say that they now give everyone the time of day to listen to their struggles. These sorts of conversations can be difficult for some people, however, it's better to take the time and do something you feel uncomfortable with instead of regretting not doing it.

Load Comments

9. Suicide Over Christmas

Instagram | christmas_passion_

"My dad committed suicide when I was 18, I was fresh into the Navy and it was the first time in my life I didn’t have the ability to call my dad every day. Anyway, I got a call from the cops that my dad passed away on Christmas Day. When I found out it was suicide I was shocked, my dad was always so happy and funny, though he did suffer from alcoholism something I tried in vain for a long time to help him through.

"I had no idea he was suffering from such deep depression [...] I never read the letter myself, but my mom and sister did, and they HIGHLY recommend I not read it so I didn't, I don’t know the specifics but I know he said his daughters didn't love him." — Briebeecher

Depression can affect anyone, regardless of how happy or jovial a front they put up. Sometimes, these facets can be a manner of concealing a person's true emotional turmoil.

Load Comments

10. Destroying The Note

Instagram | phantom_photos_mt

"I was named in two suicide 'letters' (one via text and one in writing) by my ex. We had recently broken up and I had been staying with my mother. Our house was roughly 35km from my mothers, he sent me a text stating that I was the worst thing to ever happen to him and that tonight was the night.

"I rang the police and got transferred to our local officer and requested a check-in. They found him several hours later after he had intentionally driven into a truck, he was high and drunk. Miraculously, not a single person involved in the accident was injured. When I arrived at our house 3 days later there was a two-page letter sitting on my side of our bed, I never read it, I couldn’t bring myself to. I ripped it up, took it outside and burnt it." — jimmyrose47

Burning the letter without reading it was the best option here by far. She was only 18, and was successfully out of that toxic situation. Reading the note would only serve as unnecessary emotional turmoil.

Load Comments

11. Missed Call

Unsplash | Tirza van Dijk

"About 5 years ago my friend moved away to Australia. One night she called me several times but I never answered the phone, she wanted help because she felt worthless, and couldn't deal with it anymore [...] I called her the next day and got her voicemail so I just left a message saying sorry and telling her she could call me later and I'd make time to talk to her.

"About a week later I got a call from her dad, they found her dead in a park, overdosed on pain killers with a note in her pocket. It was mostly saying sorry, but there was a line at the bottom that said 'I wouldn't have done it if they answered their phone.'" — Easyaseasy21

The person went on to explain the guilt they felt as a result of their death, in perhaps the most heartbreaking line that I found on this entire thread, "The pain doesn't fade, you just adapt to it."

Load Comments

12. Losing A Son

Unsplash | Sharon McCutcheon

"My 19-year-old son committed suicide a little over two years ago. He said in his letter that he never felt safe or loved. He didn't mention me by name, but as his father, I took it that way. It devastated me [...] I didn't notice the things that I should have.

"He suffered from depression and anxiety so we had gotten him into counseling. He was homeschooled because the school environment was too much for him. He played guitar and had a few close friends. He had a girlfriend when this happened and she was actually coming to spend a week with our family the day after this happened. I helped him set up his own business. I thought I was doing the right things, but it wasn't enough." — joliver67

From what this person has written, it sounds like they did read the signs and were doing everything they could to help their son during this time.

Load Comments

13. Slitting Their Wrists In Front Of Their Partner

Instagram | komorebi.mv

"My ex slit his wrist in front of me. He was hammered and high on E and he woke me up in the middle of the night to pick a fight. We were arguing in the kitchen when he grabbed a knife and sliced his wrist. I will never forget how black that blood looked.

"I was naked, 17 and in a total panic but I wrapped his arm and held it above his chest and called 911. While I was sitting on the floor, covered in his blood, he smiled at me and said 'you did this'." — interrobangin_

This is one of the most horrific things that I have ever read on the internet. Thankfully, this person is now in a healthy, happy, and loving marriage away from this terrible relationship.

Load Comments

14. Out On Patrol

Instagram | xlkppnbrg

"I'm a police officer. When I was in patrol I was dispatched to a 911 call for a hysterical woman screaming that her husband had hanged himself. When I got there I found him hanging from a rafter with a note on his chest that said 'happy now b***h?' She found him like that after she got home from shopping.

I can't really say how it affected her long-term, but it stuck with me for some reason." — Narren_C

I think it is perfectly natural that something like that would stick with you, regardless of your connection to that person. Seeing such a horrifically brutal display of emotion like that would affect anyone.

Load Comments

15. "My best friend from high school killed herself on my birthday in 2017."

Instagram | academy.florist

"We had both been very depressed and suicidal in high school and gave each other a lot of support but in college, I tried to get the help I needed and she did not... I blocked her number after she sent me some gory pictures of self-harm in early college because I just couldn't take it anymore [...] I think our last interaction was in 2014.

"After that, she sent me many emails and texts and I never answered, I was finally getting my life together and I couldn't handle her manipulative negativity. On my birthday in 2017, she sent me a happy birthday text and I didn't answer. I got a text the next day from a mutual friend telling me what happened, and saying that the last text she sent to her was 'tell [name] happy birthday.'" — backwardinduction

The person who wrote this explained that she was convinced that she had done it purposefully on her birthday.

Load Comments

16. On The Phone

Instagram | nyc_explorers

"I had an ex literally kill himself while on the phone to me, and blame me.

"There's a lot of guilt. crazy crazy f*cking guilt. All the what-ifs. But eventually, you realize that they made this choice, not you. They chose to top themselves and you were just the nearest thing to blame. If not you, then another random happenstance. This is on them, not on you." — Taleya

Load Comments

17. Keeping Their Final Voicemail

Instagram | mrspooks_top_unknown

"About a year or so before that he began using and I had distanced myself from him. He would come into my work and he'd be strung out and I just shrugged it off. I eventually got a phone call from him and he was high as s**t. I snapped and told him to never call me again and to get his life in order. Afterward, he left a message on my voicemail and how I was a horrible friend and how I should be ashamed of myself. A few days later I found out he had taken his own life.

"[A]t his funeral his father was talking to me and he mentioned how his son had always talked about how I never did drugs and looked up to me because of it. It took years before I had the courage to delete his voicemail. And I blamed myself for a long time and fought with some pretty overwhelming guilt." — sickofjim

It is quite common for people to keep voicemails from those we have lost, often so that we can hear their voice again and feel closer to them.

While it can sometimes be a useful tool to stay connected to those we've lost, deleting these things can also sometimes be a good way to get a sense of closure on their deaths and move forward.

Load Comments

18. Illegible Handwriting

Instagram | evelynalag

"When I found my brothers body, I looked for a note, I found it along with a few rough drafts he had wrote crumpled up and put in the bin, each one was different, one just said, 'im sorry I'm so sad all the time', another was an angry rant talking about people he hated and how happy they would be now, one was a letter to me saying he hopes i'm not disappointed in him and one day i'll understand why he did what he did.

"In his actual letter, whatever he had taken to overdose on was starting to hit him because everything was sloppy and didn't make a lot of sense, my name was written clearly but I'm not sure what he was supposed to before and after it, it was nonsense and illegible but I still wanna know what he was trying to say to or about me." — mikey1919

This one is particularly heartbreaking. Hopefully, this person was able to find some closure in the message which was previously written for them, although not knowing what was the final thought in their head must be truly crushing.

Load Comments

19. Telling Him To Kill Himself

Unsplash | Siora Photography

"A former coworker's son killed himself after his wife left him. He attempted once before so his guns were confiscated and as the wife was in the process of divorcing him the police returned the guns to her as they were her property as well as his [...]

"A few days later the wife returned the guns to him and said 'do it, I really don't care'. That night, he used a .45 caliber handgun to take his life. At the funeral, the soon to be ex-wife was playing the grieving widow and seeking donations to pay for the funeral. His mom and brother paid for everything and she pocketed several thousand dollars."

The fact that someone could both tell someone to kill themselves in such a manner, and then use the death to make money, is so skin-crawlingly unpleasant that it's impossible for me to imagine what could possess a person to do something like that.

Load Comments

20. Just Trying To Help

Unsplash | Markus Spiske

"My best friend had an abusive boyfriend and he made her miserable (that’s what she told me and she often had bruises because of him). She didn’t want anyone to know but I knew that it cannot go like this any longer, so I told her parents. They banned her from seeing him and became really controlling of her life(she was only 18 and lived with her parents).

"Her boyfriend broke up with her because they became so distant. A month later she committed suicide and in the note, she said that She really loved him and couldn’t “live another day without him”. She blamed me and since then I have trouble letting people in my life and socializing." -ignoran1slut

Load Comments

21. The Text

Unsplash | Benjaminrobyn Jespersen

"Before my best friend killed himself he texted me 'you mean so much to me. Always know that' Wasn’t a letter left per se but I was the last person he texted. He didn’t leave any notes or anything, but I always feel guilty thinking I should have called him right away instead of texting him back." -dogsaretheanswer

Load Comments

22. Feeling Responsible

Unsplash | micah boswell

"I am not sure if he even left a letter but I am pretty sure I impacted a boy's decision when I was a kid. He killed himself the day of or so after he asked me out and I responded like a kid my age when I said no instead of a person and he impacted my life by teaching me that lesson to never have to question myself being a negative impact to someone hurting again." -Racat1138

Load Comments

23. The River

Instagram | @tomston3

"My first love never left a letter per se, but he messaged me a few minutes before he did it and said that I could have saved him... It destroyed me. He didn't know I was with the police trying to help them find and save him. I did everything I could but he drove his car off of a bridge and into a river and drowned." -lilybear032

Load Comments

24. Memorized

Instagram | @literaryteasociety

"2001 our mother completed suicide. I have it memorized. 'You all knew this was coming' was the opener." -ECU_BSN

Load Comments

25. Dinner

Unsplash | Juliette F

"My youngest cousin posted a video on Twitter telling people they couldn't help her and there's nothing they could have done. This was right after dinner with family where she was joking and had them laughing. She went into her room posted the video and shot herself." -rumblith

Load Comments

26. The Wedding

Unsplash | Nathan Dumlao

"My mom's fiancé committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning a week before their wedding when she was 19. I was only 2, but in his suicide letter he mentioned specific people like his mom, etc. he mentioned my mom and their relationship and how the pressure of taking care of a kid that wasn’t his took a toll on him." -adcable2018

Load Comments

27. Twice

Unsplash | Kelly Sikkema

"My cousin was named twice; first by his mother, who said that as a child he was too much handle and made her miserable (among other things) and later by his girlfriend because he had the gall the leave her (it was a toxic, abusive relationship, and he did the best he could for himself).

"He's alright, as in he's outwardly funny, communicative, friendly. He's not a very deep person, but I don't think that with that baggage he can afford to be." -[deleted]

Load Comments

28. The Babies

Unsplash | Daiga Ellaby

"My mom's suicide note was addressed to her best friend. In it she wrote that she wanted my brother and I, who were teenagers, to live with our cousin and not our father. They had been divorced for about 4 years. She said something like 'don't let him get his hands on my babies!' Ridiculous because he wasn't a bad father." -Killmoregirls555

Load Comments

29. A Final Note From Mother To Daughter

Unsplash | Phalinda Long

"My mom committed suicide in 1999 when I was 9. I finally, finally got the courage to request her suicide letters from the police about 6 months ago. There is one short snippet in her letter about me. Per my mother, I was a testy child and she found me to be quite annoying. Despite that, however, it seemed that she held off with completion of suicide, as also stated later on that she couldn't live just for me any longer.

"You know what... I felt loved after reading that [...] the fact that she tried to prolong her death, despite the fact that she struggled with mental health since childhood, meant the world to me. She lasted 9 whole years after giving birth to me. She was selfless for as long as she could bear it." — Maggie_cat

Please don't suffer in silence. Reach out to those closest to you if you are suffering, and check in on the people you love.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Load Comments
Next Article