Unsplash | Hannah Busing

19 People Share Upsetting Lessons They Learned After A Friendship Ended

If the Sex and the City revival taught us anything, it's that even the closest friendships can fall apart.

Just like Carrie lost Samantha, so many friendships have come to an end in real life.

This happens for a myriad of reasons: jealousy, toxic behavior, and drifting apart, to name a few. Thankfully, there's a lot that can be learned during these hard times.

Here, 19 people share the upsetting lessons they learned after a friendship ended.

That friendship is a two-way street

Unsplash | Vladimir Tsokalo

When this person's friendship ended, they blamed themselves at first by saying that they should've kept reaching out.

But now, looking back, they realize how one-sided the friendship was."If you don't want to put in the effort to ask how I am doing for once or ask me to hang out, why am I wasting my time?"

That you have to be careful about who you trust

Unsplash | Simon Maage

"Friend for 3 years throughout law school stole 2k from my wallet that I couldn't find on my wedding day. Immediately ended the friendship, obviously, but it was really hard. We were like sisters." - u/winooooooo

That negativity is contagious

It's exhausting being around someone who is always being negative.

After a while, this may even start to impact your worldview as well. Instead of rose-colored glasses, you may start to see things as black or white.

That the longevity of the friendship doesn't mean that they will be genuine towards you


"Sometimes people you’ve just met treat you with even more sincerity than people who have known for 8 years." - u/whereverthelightis

That people who were good for you at one stage of your life may become bad for you later

Unsplash | Helena Lopes

There's a saying that goes, "People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime."

This Redditor was able to end her toxic friendship after realizing that it wasn't meant to last forever.

That you shouldn't stay in a friend group just because you don't want to be alone

"I stayed with a group of friends that spread rumors about me, talked behind my back, left me out of things they were doing, and would completely ignore me. It ruined my self-esteem, and to this day, I have trust issues with creating friendships." - u/sophiagrant830

That people can ghost you for absolutely no reason

Unsplash | Eric Ward

Most of the time, you'll never know why it happened. But instead of trying to contact the person over and over in desperation for answers, the most healing thing to do is let go.

That growing apart doesn't mean that either of you did anything wrong

"Friendships don't always end because they became toxic. It's okay to miss what you had and know that you're no longer compatible in your current stages of life." - u/dancinaa

That you should’ve communicated your needs and concerns

Shoulda, coulda, woulda. This is where this Redditor feels they fell short in their friendship. If they had communicated their needs, maybe things would've turned out differently.

That your friends shouldn't control who you can be friends with.


"They might not get along with the same people you do, but that doesn't mean you cant be friends with either party." - isaovand

That you learn who your real friends are during your time of need


How sad is it that it takes a tragic circumstance to show you who your real friends are? Nevertheless, the results are very telling, as you may have been giving your all to fair-weather friends.

That you shouldn't let people walk all over you because you're scared to be alone

Unsplash | M.

"I ditched my best friend three months ago and I feel better being alone than being in that friendship." - u/GrimGhoul00

That long friendships don't always mean they're healthy

As this Redditor pointed out, the reason they lasted so long may have been because you ignored their hurtful and toxic actions for too long.

That when it's time to leave, it's time to leave

Unsplash | Andrew Moca

"I ended a fairly new friendship immediately after being mistreated by them. A mutual friend criticized me for doing this and said it’s a character flaw that I dropped them so quickly. But hey, when it’s time to leave, it’s time to leave." - u/LeafyGreens17

That setting boundaries is always the right thing to do

Unsplash | Héctor J. Rivas

If your friend gets offended or doesn't respect these boundaries (family, included) they weren't a good friend, to begin with. Good friends support each other, not hinder.

That mental health isn't an excuse for someone to treat you badly


"It's never okay to put up with that mistreatment silently just for the sake of being understanding and compassionate of their struggles." - u/gold-chain-of-fate

That you should be careful who you share your secrets to

Unsplash | Womanizer Toys

It doesn't matter how much you trust that person at the moment.

The second the friendship is done, some people have no problem blabbing the things they promised they'd never share.

That you shouldn't join in on talking crap about their significant other when they're freshly broken up

Unsplash | Hannah Busing

"There is a good chance that they will get back together and then use what you said during that time to alienate you. They think that you don't like their boyfriend/girlfriend because of the things you said while trying to validate them and be a good friend." —indy1989

That you have to be your own best friend

Unsplash | Darius Bashar

We started with Sex and the City, a show about friendship, so let's end with it as well.

In the very last episode of the original series, Carrie Bradshaw said some wise words: "The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself."

H/T: Reddit, Buzzfeed