Unsplash | Ashkan Forouzani

15 Tweets Accurately Describing Black Friday

You've gotta love Black Friday: mindless hordes of people spending money they don't have just to impress people they don't like — one day after sitting down and professing how "thankful" they are for what they have.

Don't think I'm preaching, either. When it comes to Black Friday — I'm as hypocritical as they come. So much so that I've scoured the internet to find 15 tweets that perfectly sum up the feelings of Black Friday.

When you realize that your entire life has been building toward this moment.

Unsplash | Artem Beliaikin

"You don't think I'm ready for Black Friday? I was 1st grade line leader for THREE WEEKS STRAIGHT. This is what I train for. This is my life." - Twitter @jwoodham

I'm not even mad — I'm impressed.

I will never again make fun of anyone who drives a SmartCar. I guess so long as you've got the proper vehicle and have completely lost all sense of shame — you really can park wherever the heck you want.

I swear some people show up just in order to cause trouble.

"Can't make it to the store on black Friday[sic] so I'm[sic] thinkinsic] of going to best buy tomorrow to shove someone for no reason early." - Twitter @MattBellassai

Not true but not far off.

As of 2020, there have been 14 recorded deaths attributed to Black Friday shopping. On average, sharks kill roughly 14 people every single year. It's not quite as macabre as this Twitter user describes but it isn't much better.

You might as well enjoy it while you've got it.

Unsplash | Sigmund

"On my way to the mall to get the best parking space, I'm going sit in my car with the reverse lights on for a few hours." - Twitter @Prairiedogn

Against the advice of council...

I'm sorry but as soon as I see BOGO written in the window, what little good sense and self-control I have goes right out the window. I simply can't walk away and those slippery shysters know it.

Sometimes, sacrifices must be made in order for the greater good to prevail.

"Great day shopping! Put 3 kids in the hospital, curb stomped[sic] an old lady, and murdered a white male but I love my new iPod!" - Twitter @chadzumock

Work smarter, not harder.

I personally have never understood waking up at 4:00 AM to go stand in line at some random store. I'd much rather stay up glued to my computer screen until 12:00 AM and do all of my splurging from the comfort of my own home.

Would you like to unsubscribe?

Unsplash | Stephen Phillips - Hostreviews.co.uk

"It's Black Friday to many of you. To me, it's unsubscribe from this email list I never knew I was on Friday," joked Twitter user @sarahcolonna.

How in the world do I always end up on these mailing lists!?

Get ready for the stampede!

I always feel so sorry for the poor store employee who has to go to the front and unlock the doors for the horde of people waiting outside. I have a severe fear of being trampled to death, so it's a serious trigger for me.

Cause of death: they couldn't manage to get out of my way.

"When I hear about shoppers who die on Black Friday, I worry because my mom is out there right now & she’s probably the one who killed them." - Twitter @XplodingUnicorn

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!

You know, like the classic scene in The Godfather Part III? They should really start calling it Black & Blue Friday because when all is said and done — my wallet ends up taking a beating.

It sounds to me like he was asking for it.

"On this Black Friday I'd like to fondly recall the guy I saw slap another adult on the ear outside a Best Buy over a portable DVD player." - Twitter @rachelmillman

That's the true meaning of Black Friday.

Jerry Seinfeld understands the true meaning of Black Friday. He was willing to chase down a little old lady on the street just to get what he wanted — you'll have to be willing to do the same. Remember, only the strong survive.

Never underestimate the lengths a Nintendo fanatic will go to in order to secure their system.

Unsplash | Branden Skeli

"When I worked at Gamestop on Black Friday and the lady who bought the last Wii had to be escorted to her car by the police." - Twitter @HagNasty