20 Hilarious Tweets That Are Giving Us Life This Week

Twitter is one of the biggest cesspools on the internet. It's also a great source of humor if you're, y'know, willing to sift through all the garbage.

Rather than doing the hard work yourself, let us find you some of the funniest, most life-sustaining tweets out there.

It's what we're all wondering.

Sure, it might be considered uncouth to just openly ask your fellow jurors whether the defendant did it or not. But if you're the type of person who values honesty, you kind of have to ask the question.

I'm surprised these aren't flying off the shelves.

I'm not sure when Jeff Goldblum crossed the threshold from actor to meme, but I'm totally here for it. The unexpected Goldblum sightings, like finding these framed beauties in a charity shop, are the best ones.

Get 'em, Coco.

The Nirvana baby lawsuit is kind of a long and confusing saga. At different points, the dude has played along with his status and at other points he's gotten litigious.

Rather than getting into the nuts and bolts, let's just laugh at this photo of Conan O'Brien.

Maybe they were conducting an experiment on you.

I'm not sure exactly what OP's point is here, but perhaps he should consider the fact that the experiment on this day wasn't about how many people were masked, but how many people were whizzing around on scooters.

Sorry, employer, but I need to solve a murder.

I've never been called for jury duty, and I'm perversely curious about the whole concept. I'm sure I'd immediately start hating it if I was selected, but this tweet has it right: it is a wild concept.

Hustle 'til you die.

There's nothing wrong with hard work, but there has to be a balance between hard work and rest. When we celebrate literal seven-year-olds who are doing this entrepreneurial stuff, it just contributes to the notion that we all need to hustle at all costs.

Yeah, but you're still loved.

I'm really not here for this whole trend of massive brands acting like they're people on Twitter. I'm sure most people who've actually worked at a Burger King don't feel like their employer loves them.

It's all made up.

When you grow up and start adulting, it quickly becomes apparent that the real world makes about as much sense as a poorly-designed video game. It's all points and ratings and scores based on stuff you can barely fathom.

Parenthood in a nutshell.

Parents, particularly moms, go through a lot when it comes to raising kids. Is it all worth it? Well, you can take this tweet as confirmation that it is, in fact, all worth it, even if it's in a weird way.

Shots fired.

I know I just said I don't like it when brands act like people, but that caveat doesn't apply when those brands are getting sick burns on each other. I think Natural Light gets the win over Miller Lite here.

Thanks, I'll be here all week.

When I read fun facts like this, I'm immediately overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude that I was born as a human being, not a bee or some other creature that has a short, violent life.

Happy Pride!

It's nice to read little stories like this. In many cases, it doesn't matter how someone became an ally, it just matters that they're now an ally. Maybe this Uber driver will become as good a spouse as the lesbian he knows.

It's a tasty melange.

When you're already dealing with regular old depression and realize you're experiencing seasonal depression on top of it all, what does it mean? Beats me. I think it just means that depression will be extra spicy for awhile.

You monster.

Burning your kid's valuable possessions as punishment feels like total psychopath behavior. It's a good thing that Seth Rogen, of all random people on Twitter, called her out for what she's doing. When I read his tweet, I hear his voice.

Lookin' good.

I think this is what it means to "damn someone with faint praise." She posted this pic in an effort to attract compliments. She got plenty of genuine compliments, along with this comment which is still technically a compliment.

Oh, I get it.

Twitter is a good source for topical humor, back-and-forth bickering, and outright toxicity, but when you comb through it all for long enough, you'll find that it's also an excellent repository for classic dad jokes. They never get old.

Got 'em on a technicality.

Sure, it might seem a bit deranged to send someone thirsty tweets or DMs in the morning, but if you're pulling an all-nighter, it's basically like sending them at nighttime. That means everything's totally normal, right?

Modern problems require modern solutions.

I have no idea what those modern solutions would be, mind you, besides getting rid of smart devices. The more smart tech I add to my home, the more it feels like it's all getting dumber.

Sometimes parodies create themselves.

Kid Rock has been around long enough to see the full trajectory of stardom, from breakout act, to mainstream, to getting parodied by Weird Al, to becoming passe, to finally creating self-parody that not even Weird Al could dream up.

Make a new body wash, you cowards.

Wouldn't it be satisfying to go into the soap aisle and see Head and Shoulders right above Knees and Toes? Alas, such a vision is too beautiful for this world, and we'll never see it come to fruition.

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