30 Things That Make Less Sense Than My Ex Sliding Into My DM's At 3AM

The world isn't meant to make sense all of the time, where would the fun be if we understood everything after all? However, some people like to add to the world's weirdness for the sake of devilment.

So, from the world's most terrifying kids' toy to individuals who got kidnapped by giant mosquitos at work, here are 30 things that make less sense than my ex sliding into my DM's at 3AM...seriously, Sandra, give it a rest.

"Boots that are also a pair of flip flops..."

These are the perfect gift for anyone who is indecisive and has no sense of taste, which is a very discerning combination. There you go Sandra, I finally found the perfect gift for you!

"On the way home from Newport Beach the wife and I stopped in Baker for drinks and found these 'delicious' flavors."

The fact that it says, "Great Chunky Flavor" on the barf-flavored soda actually nearly made me barf. I can't say I'd be too keen to try that chunky goodness.

"This is for the hard-core vegetarians."

"Look, it's not like vegetarians can't enjoy a bit of bacon from time to time!"

"Dave, do you know what it means to be vegetarian?"

"Yeah, you're allergic to bees and wasps at the same time. That's it, right?"

"Hairdryer that looks like a Magnum revolver."

I'll be honest, I absolutely love this. I really feel as though I need to buy one, but I am trying to resist that impulse with every fibre of my being. I just hope that I am strong enough to not make the purchase...

Why Did They Feel The Need To Change Such A Classic Design?

Did the stop sign really need to be updated? This feels like they gave the job of reimagining the stop sign to an abstract modernist painter. I wish I'd had a sign like this slapped into my face when I first thought about asking Sandra out though.

"Why Is There A Market For This?"

In fairness, I didn't realise how expensive getting a new mattress. I feel as though having a cardiac event when being presented with the price of a mattress is when you become an adult.

"This blobfish tattoo is so ugly it's beautiful."

"You know that blobfish are actually pretty normal looking fish? They typically live in pretty deep waters and it's the change in pressure upon bringing them to the surface that makes them all bloated and goopy looking," wrote one person. That kind of goes to show that all creatures deserve a second chance, except for Sandra.

"Behold the beauty that is the 6 Door Prius..."

At a first glance, I thought that it was a pretty seamless job. However, the longer you look at it, the worse it gets. It looks kind of like a kid has drawn it, or Sandra...she drew pictures that looked like a rampant spider had sprinted across a page while overdosing.

"Why have a picnic table and a swing, when you can have the worst of both worlds?"

At this point you may as well go the whole hog and just have it so that the table itself swings at the same time! That would really help people to digest their food!

"Zucchini Shoes..."

The fact that they didn't call them, Shoecchinis is absolutely criminal. Almost as criminal as Sandra's constant need to come and pick up "that last shoe I've left at your place," I know you're doing it on purpose Sandra!

The Look Of Fear...

I can hear my heart screaming at me that I need to go for a run just from looking at this image. Christ alive, this takes ordering a "burger and fries" to a whole new level.

"It's like a cruel sideways limbo game."

Someone said that this would kind of make sense for if this was for people leaving after a buffet meal, but I'm not sure I agree. One thing is for sure though, I'd be squeezing myself through the free meal window no matter how long it took.

"Patrick Ice Cream..."

I do not know why this exists, but there it is. I am sure that the person who got this tattoo loves it and that is all that matters, probably. It's weirdly creepy the longer you look at it Sandra's strangely proportioned knees.

"Okay, I'm just going to leave this here..."

Just...what? I know that they are surely not selling baby meat, but I had to read through the ingredients to make sure of that fact, which would suggest that they need to rethink their packaging!

"All her art it beautiful but this one makes me laugh."

But, why is Mike Myers naked? Sure, the little pumpkin detail on his little butt is pretty funny, but I am still confused as to why he needs to be naked at all.

"Think about it next time..."

I mean, some contraceptives can still let you down when you use them, so there is that. Although, a plasma screen TV baby would definitely be a surprise, it sounds like something that would happen in Black Mirror.

"Grandparents own a sign shop. This is on the door leading to the warehouse. I'm leaving now."

"Dave, you really don't want to open that door."

"Pfft, it's obviously a joke, it's not like I'm going to be carried off by a giant mosquito."

"Seriously, Dave, just don't..."

"Arrrgghh! I'm being carried off by a giant mosquito!"

Turning Pooping Into A Math Problem...

The perplexed student who posted this wrote: "There is only 1 toilet paper dispenser at my school bathroom and every time you have to take a dump, you must calculate the amount of paper you will use. And if you don't calculate correctly, well..."

"I crave violence Mother!"

This is a great way to teach your kids about numbers. However, the only problem with this is that they will scream for hours whenever they have to do basic arithmetic for the rest of their life. I only scream when I'm trying to work out how long I spent listening to Sandra explain to me why celebrating our anniversary in Slough was a good idea. Still can't believe I went along with that.

"Aw man, that's not fair!"

The person who posted this went on to add, "I’d love to read the incident report that prompted this sign." I bet that it was one hell of a lively night in the pub that night.

"My mom bought a massive fur blanket made exclusively from roadkill."

Some people were actually on board with this due to the whole "Waste not want not" ideology. However, I don't think that I would want a fur blanket made out of roadkill...even if it was technically recycling.

"These Nike heels..."

I cannot work out whether I actually like these or not. They have almost gone so far into the "bad taste" bracket that they might have come full circle and become quite cool again. I'm at a loss.

"There's a 50/50 chance I'm going back to buy it."

Someone was very annoyed that this piece of homed decor was not on sale for three bucks. That terrible joke aside, much like the roadkill blanket, I really don't think that I would want this in my house.

"These cookies are the stuff of nightmares!"

Those eyeballs are far too realistic for me to be taking a bite of them. Also, no one likes to be watched while they eat, do they? I defy anyone to watch Sandra eat, it's like watching a blender making love to a special effects department.

"I found the creepy clown shower in Lalysos, Greece!"

Well, one thing is for sure, it is definitely creepy. If you thought having someone watch you eat was bad, try having a clown watch you while you shower...or rather, don't!

"A little bit of closet improvement..."

This is bringing new meaning to the phrase water closet. All of the other WCs have just been pretending all of these years, this is a real water closet! Who needs a place to hang their clothes anyway?

"A condor made of bacon... It's a BaCondor!"

What goes through a person's head where they wake up in the morning and think, "You know what? Today I'm going to build a condor exclusively out of cured meat!" You do you, I guess.

Brush Your Teeth Kids, Or I Will Come Around Your House And Murder You While You Sleep!

If the plan at this dentist's office was to scare kids into brushing their teeth, then they have played a blinder with this mascot.

"Is this a cake for a zombie wedding?"

I am sure that there are plenty of people out there who would love to have this as their actual wedding cake. I just cannot say that I know any of those people...

"LoveKraft Macaroni 'n' Cthulhu!"

Okay, I think that I could actually have this in my house, it's incredible! Also, now that I don't have to live with all of Sandra' vacuous art I can do what I more, "Oh, I don't think that eldritch horror matches the decor" nonsense!

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