I think the weirdest thing I've ever found at a secondhand store was a late-1800s primary school textbook about physiology and temperance. Like, here's how your body works and why intoxicants will Mess It Up.
Sometimes I still regret not buying it, but my already cluttered home probably appreciated my willpower.
Thrift stores and the like really open your eyes to the sheer amount of weird, niche stuff there is in the world.
Is this likely a jokey, poorly-written cash-grab? Of course it is, but it's still funny.
I mean, it's a funny illustration, but who would want or need to stamp it onto so many things to merit this?
Judging by the packaging, these socks are from a company that enjoys this sort of bizarre illustration, which is a company I can get behind.
Personally, these sorts of machines creep me the heck out.
This claims to be the trigger finger of Mexican general Pancho Villa. If it were real, it wouldn't be in a random thrift store.
Yes, those are Property Brothers garden gnomes. If I came across a house with these in the yard, I'd gnope right out of there.
I've mostly grown out of my novelty t-shirt phase, but I need this in my closet right now.
Unfortunately, it's a step too far in my book. But if you think you could rock it, go for it!
Was this mass-produced for stores or just a very specific custom job? Either way, I need it in my life.
Who would actually proudly display this in their home? I can see finding it funny, but actually owning it baffles me.
Thankfully, this hat just says "I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream."
Unlike online secondhand groups, where you have delusional people thinking a bunch of stuck together Sour Patch Kids is worth $50.
If you think these utensils would stop me from polishing off the cheesecake in my fridge, you're sorely mistaken.
Satire is a very difficult line to walk and I don't know if the author of this book managed it throughout the field guide, but the exterior is perfect.
This may seem like a random collection of paperclips, but look again. It is the life cycle of a family, including the act of conception.
Not only is he wearing a fine coat of "chainmail" but he's also got spectacles and a service bell for a hat.
The only problem is that some of these pictures of Keanu Reeves don't quite fit the frames because otherwise, some people may not even want to replace them.
Instead, the crazy part is that they're apparently trying to sell it for $125. All I can say is good luck with that.
So I'm glad I could let you know that before you see one in the wild and think the face is either a delicious cookie or the likeness of a demon.
For instance, were the eyes of his mask detachable for some reason? After all, that's not really how his costume works.
The only other possibility is that somebody carefully cut them out and brought the rest here, but I don't think we can even begin to answer why they would.
And if that's something you ever need to do for some reason, there are a couple of tips we can glean from this one.
The first is to capture the quiet dignity of famous sad clown Emmett Kelly, while the second is the important step of making sure he's not staring directly at us.
Filling the clouds with the disembodied heads of other clowns is a little riskier, though.
Basically, all of these kids are waiting for the one peering through that knot hole to get out of the bathroom.
And I guess the kid in the hat is taking his desperation out on the guy next to him.
Either that or some troubled artist had to do something constructive with their nightmares about screaming pizzas and somebody that this shop was willing to buy it for whatever reason.
Yeah, if anything, that's the mystery here.
I'm not sure what exactly we're supposed to do with this information, but it seems unlikely that we'll be able to forget it.
My favorite part are the frog's half-lidded eyes indicating that he's about to stoically thank us very much. Well, either that or he's discovered that pompadour is too heavy for him.
I guess I'll admit that seeing this in my cup would definitely be a quick way to wake me up.
I mean, how could you say no to it? It's majestic! It's powerful! It's slightly creepy!
Either an actual accountant made it ironically, or someone really doesn't like accountants. "Your neighborhood bookie" and "Lunch 10-3" hint towards the latter.
Is it really something people carried at some point or just a prop? Who cares, because it's just plain cool.
Which is fair, considering there was a random golf ball in the box too, but it's actually an old school vibrator for "treating hysteria."
I'll let the finder explain how it works: "People. I plugged this thing in. Not only would the neighborhood know when you were suffering hysteria from the lights going down due to the draw on the local electric grid, but This. Would. Turn. Your. Ass. Into. Scrambled. Eggs."
