Guys.
We forgot to pour one out for a real one.
Shrek is iconic for many reasons, from its meme-ability to the sheer art of a giant green ogre falling for a princess with a secret.
But did you know that Shrek, much like onions, has layers? And one of those layers is a super dark death?
The movie of a generation. The film that shaped the surrealist sense of humor millennials have.
Shrek. The man, the myth, the legend.
He's just an ogre trying to live his life, you know? He wants to be gross in peace.
And he needs somewhere to dump them, right?
Farquaad's men leave all the fairytale creatures in Shrek's neck of the woods.
So, he decides to find Farquaad and demand his land back.
Listen, I've seen this movie like 40 times, but I still had to look up what happened in those first 20 minutes.
Of course you remember Princess Fiona!
She lives her life as both a human an ogre thanks to a curse that makes her an ogre at twilight.
But then, like any good fairy tale, he starts falling for her.
And now Smash Mouth's "All Star" is stuck in your head.
Don't blame me, though.
Amongst all the fart jokes and humor that went over our heads as kids, we all missed one messed up bit from the beginning scenes.
Goldilocks thought she was unlucky? Just you wait.
The Seven Dwarfs are all chained up and being shoved into a cart. A knight breaks a witch's broom, which is just rude.
Oh, and Donkey is there, of course.
Well, they're in cages.
Mama Bear and Papa Bear have their own cage, and Baby Bear is locked in his own, smaller one.
Guys, did Goldilocks turn them in? I have my suspicions.
Okay, first of all, Peter Pan totally sucks for turning Tinkerbell in.
Second, Donkey's antics lead the knights to encounter Shrek, who finds out that the magical creatures are being moved to his swamp.
Obviously, they're all scared of a huge ogre who probably smells terrible, so they bolt.
And that's that, right? Everyone moves into the swamp, Shrek gets mad, and his whole adventure begins.
Later that night, we see the fairytale creatures all gathered in the swamp.
Some are by a campfire, including Papa Bear and Baby Bear. You can clearly see that Baby Bear is crying.
Guys, where is Mama Bear?
Why does Papa Bear look so sad? Why is he comforting Baby Bear, who is fully crying?
What happened in between Donkey flying and nightfall? What went down?
Thanks a lot, Lord Farquaad.
The official worst human alive is chilling in his royal bedchamber later, and the camera does a sweep around the absolute tackiest home decor I've ever seen.
And then we see poor Mama Bear.
She's dead, guys.
Super dead. And we know it's definitely her, because she even has the same bow on from her first scene.
Damn, that's dark.
I personally hold Goldilocks at least partially responsible for this one, I'm not gonna lie.
We hardly knew ye, my fallen comrade.
I mean, he does get eaten by a giant dragon.
And she had the good manners to burp his crown back up. No use digesting good gold, right?
Anyway, that's the tragic story of Mama Bear. I know. I'm upset, too. Group hug?
