16 Weird Pics That Are Rated Bizz-R

Diply 12 Jun 2018

I spend a lot of time going through this old internet, and sometimes I find stuff that I don't really have anywhere else to put, so I normally just sweep it under the rug.

But on lucky days, there are just enough weird things that I can justify sticking a bunch of them together and call it an "article."

1. If I know anything about marketing (and boy, do I ever), it's that if you want to appeal to kids, you should be sure to traumatize them as early as possible. 

The Chive | The Chive

That way, they're already emotionally compromised and their parents will order, like, two or three different things — plus a dessert — to try and make them feel better.

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2. Honestly, if your next tattoo isn't interactive, why even bother getting one? 

The Chive | The Chive

That's why my body is just covered in tic-tac-toe boards. I probably should have just gotten one and then asked people to use washable markers, but we live and learn.

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3. Until this moment, I didn't know that I needed a Rav4. Now I know that's all I need to make my life complete.

The Chive | The Chive

I got into a debate with a work friend recently about which animal is the best. I said hippo, and she, like an idiot, said lion. Can you all please back me up that hippos are better than lions?

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4. This reminds me of that guy who did crimes to get arrested to get away from his wife, but then ended up getting sentenced to house arrest.

The Chive | The Chive

I've never watered a tree in my life, so can someone explain what this dude is doing?

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5. I've got to hand it to her, that's pretty ingenious.

The Chive | The Chive

I imagine that's a really tight knot though, and that it'll hurt like hell coming out. But hey, if we don't suffer for fashion, what are we even doing here?

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6. I'm not saying that this is how I want to be proposed to, but I am saying that if someone proposes to me in any way other than this, I'm gonna say "no."

The Chive | The Chive

So jot that down in your proposal Pinterest board.

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7. When you tell the aesthetician to make you feel like a snack.

The Chive | The Chive

Hell, with this kind of nail work, you wouldn't feel like a snack, you'd feel like an eight-course meal. Am I using that phrase right? My idea of an eight-course meal is spending $8 on the dollar menu at McDonald's.

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8. How to let her know you're serious about being as aerodynamic as possible.

The Chive | The Chive

I have no idea why I made this kind of sexual, but then again, that'd kind of my jam. Enjoy!

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9. I have no idea if this is a real product or a joke product, but God help you if there isn't one in my stocking this Christmas.

The Chive | The Chive

Oddly enough, "Eight Pounds of Meat" is my Twitter handle.

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10. I don't understand, are you supposed to get better reception with this?

The Chive | The Chive

Not to mention, whose banana budget is high enough that they can do this sort of thing? I'm angry, and I have questions.

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11. I've heard of cutting the mustard before, but never cutting the French onion soup.

The Chive | The Chive

Also, is this a really stumpy pair of scissors, or does this bowl go on forever, like Mary Poppins' bag?

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12. Finally, someone thought to give me the combo products I actually need.

DumpaDay | DumpaDay

Because there's no better time to eat off-brand Spam than when you're waiting for your hair to condition. Amirite?

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13. Not only is this sign very good advice for keeping your urinal goldfish alive, it's also a great caption to put on your Tinder profile.

DumpaDay | DumpaDay

You'd be surprised how many people will treat you nicely if you just ask.

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14. What's that thing the Teletubbies are always saying? "Uh-oh?" Yeah, that sounds about right right now.

Reddit | astrotypical

That kid's face is saying everything I'm feeling. Also, why does that guy's face seem to be made out of lunch meat?

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15. So, uh... I'm not sure what we do now.

Imgur | JustSomeGuyOnline

Like, are you super duper pregnant? Does this mean you're having quintuplets and also a sixth baby that's gonna be lazy and always lying down?

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16. In case you were wondering, this is what it looks like if you chop up a bunch of different gummy bears and make a super-powerful rainbow bear... 

Reddit | paulshnargas

...but why, tho??? It's like a Megazord, but in candy form.

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