16 More Unrealistic Body Standards For Women

Diply 23 Feb 2018

The standards that women have to face each and every day are becoming near impossible. Some are even downright comical if you ask me.

But before we head out to smash the patriarchy, check out some of these 16 totally unrealistic standards. How are we meant to live up to these ridiculous expectations?!

1. For that underarm jiggle. 

Twitter | @thedinojay

As if Spanx wasn't oppressive enough, we now have Arm Spanx. Yep, this is not a joke. Friends, can we not just be happy with the skin we're in? Next thing you know, we're going to have full body shapewear suits.

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2. This is not dino-mite.

Twitter | @bbiss666

So is this implying that our skin is all dry and scaly? That we have perma-scowls? Dang it, Target! Why did you have to go and play us like this? I thought we were friends!

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3. Round and soft.

Twitter | @trindabomb

I have never thought of comparing my body to pizza until this very moment, and you know what? I'm totally here for it. Round, soft, and malleable — yep, it me.

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4. Oh, I see you, Troll.

Twitter | @emmilions

While I appreciate the gender neutrality of this Troll doll, could it get any skinnier? Rude! Listen, I've had it up to here with people telling me how I need to look. I don't need it from you too, Troll!

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5. No bones about it.

Twitter | @doyoulikejuice

Me AF after indulging in an activated charcoal drink. After taking a spin class. After meal-prepping my next keto meal. Nothing looks as good as skinny feels...or does it?

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6. Ugh, I'll never have arms like this. 

Twitter | @KittenFlower

First thin arms, now wood arms? Can us ladies ever catch a break? This is like a sexy Robaxcet commercial IRL. The media needs to stop propagating this, immediately.

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7. I can't see straight.

Twitter | @653toMidnight

If you don't have three eyes, you should likely just give up on life. A fully activated third eye that allows you to perceive the world from a higher perspective seems like a nice thought, though.

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8. Everything's OK. 

Twitter | @WarAndSetPiece

Is this suppose to be a subliminal message of sorts? Letting us know that our bodies are a-okay? Hmm. Well then, message received. Thanks, giant thumbs-up mannequin for letting us know.

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9. Keepin' it minty fresh. 

Twitter | @DocHackenbush

Aww, isn't this cute? Vag Fresh mints! Who knew that a woman's privates were suppose to be minty? But the real question is, who would want to stick that up there? I know I wouldn't want to, that's for sure.

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10. Kangaroo style. 

Twitter | @MicahSpears

Is this trying to imply that women's skin should have pockets? While I love a good pocket on a dress, I don't think I want one embedded into my skin. That's gonna be a no for me.

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11. No one can be this perfect. 

Twitter | @rachaelreact

Have you ever tried being a cat instead of a woman? If not, you should try. I mean, cats are independent creatures and regal AF, #amirite? I think I want to be a cat woman now.

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12. What is this?

Twitter | @satvvvrn

Wait a minute...I didn't learn this pose in yoga class. I wonder what this pose is called? Fatigued by mansplaining? Overwhelmed by toxic beauty standards? Whatever it is, I'll have to bring it up to my teacher next time.

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13. But...my parents told me I should never become a pot head. 

Twitter | @Nikkichaney_

And now this is just sending me mixed messages. I know my body is a wonderland, but blooming into a garden seems a little hard at this point in my life.

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14. Need a hand?

Twitter | @hawtkaylie

Come on, why not get another pair for yourself if you can? Because you know, science can totally just change a woman's genes and ensure we mutate to form another pair of hands. Yeah, totally.

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15. When she's not even real.

Twitter | @FelipeTorresMed

When body standards have become so unrealistic, that bodies aren't even real anymore. They are holograms projected onto 3D printed cut-outs. Dang, the Boston Logan Airport is so cold. How could they play women like that?

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16. On second thought... 

Twitter | @no_yts

Who needs a body at all? According to this store, no one does. Pfft. Bodies are like, so last year. Get it right. Metal rods holding our bodies together is the future of female.

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