16 Times Things Went From Zero To 100 Real Quick

Diply 16 May 2018

I'm gonna be honest, I know literally nothing about life — how it works, why it exists, or what the hell I'm doing with mine — all of it eludes me. This isn't necessarily a bad thing because it keeps things interesting, but it also means that things sometimes get out of hand and I have no idea why. If you feel me on that front, then here are some situations you might relate to that escalated a bit too quickly.

1. I don't mean to pry, but who was timing him?

DumpaDay | DumpaDay

Like, did he ask one of his roommates to watch? Also, how do you even end up with a job where you get to watch dudes do that all day? What kind of education do you need? Are these the kinds of coping mechanisms they're encouraging stressed out college students to try out these days?

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2. Waking up dead is the worst.

Imgut | greggs

Thankfully, every dead person I know bypassed the suffering that accompanies waking up dead. Because they didn't wake up. Because they were dead. I'm not an expert or anything, but I'm pretty sure that's how dead works.

You must have me confused with an expert on waking up looking dead.

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3. I'm not a doctor, so I have zero idea if this is true or not.

Imgur | Imgur

I was gonna ask if any of my readers knew, but then I remembered that the internet exists.

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4. I went through hell and back, and all I got was this stupid church sign.

Guff | Guff

Seriously, if you were condemned to hell over your decision, shouldn't you be in the fiery trenches, doing satanic, minion-type stuff? Okay, guys, can you tell I've never read the Bible?

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5. I love bubble tea!

Reddit | Tr3v0r

First, you get a giant mouthful of creamy milk tea. Then, when you suck harder through the thick straw, a ball pops into your mouth! Then there's the aggressive mastication!

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6. Breaking your opponent's legs is a long-standing sports tradition.

Pinterest | Pinterest

I think it applies more to figure skating, but it's 2018. We don't discriminate like we used to.

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7. In the words of Splinter: 

Reddit | ConactEdmundhere

"I am proud of you, my sons. Tonight you have learned the final and greatest truth of the Ninja: that ultimate mastering comes not from the body, but from the mind. Don't smoke crack."

Okay, I might've have taken some liberties interpreting that last part, but you get what I'm saying.

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8. Oh my God, no. That is absolutely devastating. Not Myspace!

Reddit | charlemange1110

We should've seen this coming. Look at those highlights and that deep side part. Sure, the camera is positioned just above eye level today, buy what about next week? Next month?

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9. Let's keep in mind that the average divorce rate is like, 50%.

Imgur | Imgur

There's a very real possibility that he's saving himself the cost of the wedding, the lawyer fees associated with the divorce, and half his possessions. Considering I like 100% of my stuff, I'd love these odds.

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10. Jesus Christ aka, the original drama queen.

Imgur | Imgur

We GET IT, you're the son of God and you literally DIED for us. It's been like, 1,986 years, though, and you don't even have an Instagram account. Get with it, my dude.

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11. It's important to have goals.

Imgur | Myfairlazy

No one said you couldn't wear a tiara while exterminating bugs, or pop stars for that matter. You can wear a tiara while you're doing anything, really. Reach for the stars, tiny murderer.

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12. To be fair, they did say any questions.

Reddit | VVIredditor

Judging by what popped in this person's head first, I'm really hoping that they have an answer for him. Otherwise, he'll be the one responsible for the next Death Star.

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13. This went from "what I'm supposed to say" to "what I want to say" real quick.

Reddit | Oven_kid

Coincidentally, this is the same approach that I use during job interviews and when being approached by men.

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14. I can't deal with these unrealistic beauty standards.

Instagram | @lean_in_my_cereal

The least he could've done was say no, but of course, the door was left open, and now the poor girl is left to question her self-worth.

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15. These bugs gives no fugs.

Reddit | kwekus_dad

Actually, that's a lie. They do give one fug, and it's right on top of your bottle of death. That's what I call stickin' it to the man.

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16. I need an adult.

Imgur | raytrace75

Seriously though, I don't know where I'm going or how I'm gonna get there, and I barely understand numbers above 30. I'm just really in way over my head.

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