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14 Things That Are Ever So Slightly Vomitrocious

Diply 24 Apr 2018

Vomitrocious - (adj.) so terrible or strange that it causes the tiniest bit of vomit to bubble up in your throat, and you get a little taste of whatever you ate earlier.

Now that we all understand our topic, we can get right into it. Assembled here is a bunch of weird stuff, some of it scary and awful, some of it just guano insane.

You tell us which ones make your last meal resurface.

1. Bars on the windows? Check. No toilet paper in sight? Check. Stairs? Check.

Reddit | welchie98

Oh man, if it looked completely filthy I could've won "Scariest Bathroom" Bingo. Unfortunately, "dingy and creepy" are on another line, next to "man watching through the eyes of a painting on the wall." Maybe next time.

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2. Ugh, go home breakfast, you're drunk.

Reddit | Knugles

First of all, this might be an unpopular opinion, but artificial green apple flavor is basically the devil. Secondly, has this marketing team never read Mary Shelley's Frankenstein? It's about a scientist who makes terrible pastries, I think. I haven't read it.

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3. "You know, I don't like these fancy new theaters."

Reddit | ethnicninja

"Sure, 3D is cool and everything, but the seats kept moving. And why did they need to make every scene smell like feet? How did they even do that? 2/10 would not go again."

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Because that's exactly what I want — the haunting aroma of a sweaty sock wafting through my nose every few seconds during a two-and-a-half-hour movie.

GIPHY

If anyone ever wants to torture me, I hope they don't read this article for inspiration.

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4. For sale: deluxe keyboard, barely used, great condition.

Reddit | JordyGarlic

Warning: may have been used for unspeakable acts taking place in the darkest corners of the internet. May contain every disease and pathogen known to humans. $12 or best offer.

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5. Wow, a title has never been more real than "Make With Your Cat" when the book is literally about making crafts out of your cat. 

Reddit | nuanimal

I'm just saying, this is only one step away from taxidermy.

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6. Listen, farts are totally love. Prove me wrong.

Instagram | @tampons

If you can't interact with the tiny poo particles spurted out gently by your lover's booty, are you even in a relationship?

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7. I think if I ate something suitably terrible, and someone asked me how it tasted, I might reply, "Like a fried egg dipped in Mountain Dew."

Reddit | Deathninja1097

So really, this would just be research for future bantz. I'm still not doing it, though.

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8. Let's see...what would I do...

Instagram | Instagram

If it's multiple choice, I'd be somewhere between A) burn the car to the ground, and C) burn the world to the ground. Tough decision.

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All I'm saying is, spiders know what they did. They deserve everything coming their way.

GIPHY

And if I have anything to say about it, what's coming their way is complete annihilation.

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9. Yes, ma'am, the price will range from "everything you own" all the way up to "your firstborn child."

Reddit | Mike_Honcho85

Depending on how filthy the rest of your belongings/child are, of course.

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10. I think it'd be mean to make fun of somebody just because they have ugly feet. Honestly, all feet are ugly.

Reddit | Lontology

But feet get way more gross when they soak up that bathroom floor aroma.

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11. Honestly, I saw the hot dogs, and I was with you for a second.

Reddit | appdirect

But then I saw the milkshake, and I wanted to die. Then I saw the ice cream, and I worried that I was already dead, and this was hell.

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12. Ugh. Come on, now.

Imgur | Imgur

If I wanted a glimpse of some slimy little beast gestating inside a human body, I'd watch Alien again. At least John Hurt didn't have the chestburster on a darn iPhone case.

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13. Yeah, I think I'll pass on the multimedia aspect of this urinal.

Reddit | cardboard-kansio

But I mean, if you're down to browse Reddit while you pee, go for it. Also, enjoy your hepatitis.

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14. And your final course for this evening is chicken nuggets, plus whatever I pulled out of my vacuum cleaner.

Reddit | Press-F-

Thank you for dining at I Have 50 Cats And 1 Vacuum Cleaner.

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