14+ Things We All Do That Don't Accomplish Anything

Diply 10 Oct 2018

Like most good ideas, talking about this subject came to me while I was in the bathroom. But I'll get to that in a second.

Basically, what I want to talk — or rant — about today are the dumb things we all do that don't really make any sense. Intellectually, there's no reason to do them and they don't accomplish anything.

Chances are you've done your fair share of the following...

1. Jiggling things that don't work.

Instagram | @dylanclarkmoore

Here at the office, one of the faucets in the men's room is broken and I didn't realize it until I went to use it. But then, after the tap didn't work, I did something weird. I tried it again as if sheer force of will was going to make the water run.

So what did I do next? Call a plumber? Try to solve the problem? Nope, I jiggled the handle a bunch more times.

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2. Putting movies on your Netflix list that you know you'll never watch.

Twitter | @dylanclarkmoore

If I had to hazard a guess, I'd estimate that I'm never going to watch about 80% of whatever's in my Netflix watch list. Most of it is just there for vanity, pretending that I'm cultured enough to have those kinds of things in my interests.

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3. Setting alarms specifically to sleep through.

Imgur | Imgur

Thanks to Brett Caron for this suggestion.

On paper, I can kind of understand why people (myself included) do this.

We know that we're bad a sleeping through alarms, or we accidentally shut them off instead of snooze them. But really, what we're doing is training our bodies to ignore the alarms in the first place.

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4. Constantly refreshing when you know darned well your internet is just down.

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Thanks to Mason Zimmer for this one.

This one's a lot like the smacking the remote thing or the broken tap thing. I think we all just sort of believe that we have psychic powers and that we can will things to work, without having to do the legwork involved in actually fixing them.

It's really not that hard to reboot your modem or to read a book or something. Spending 10 minutes refreshing and getting angry isn't going to accomplish anything.

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5. Buying a bag of mixed greens, thinking you'll start eating salads, and then throwing it out a week later.

Instagram | @dylanclarkmoore

Thanks to Avery Gillis for this suggestion.

I'm going to be honest, I'm more likely to recognize a bag of mixed greens in my fridge in its mushy brown form than I am in its leafy green form. Just be honest with yourself and don't buy them in the first place!

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6. Buying toys for pets.

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Thanks to Karli Steen for this one.When it comes to gifts, pets are like kids, but worse. The age-old joke is that kids will ignore the toy but play with the box. Pets might play with the box if you're lucky.So why do we keep buying them toys that they just ignore? Is it just because PetSmart puts up these displays, so we assume that somebody's cats must actually like them?

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7. Cycling through all your old passwords in hopes that you'll remember the new one you had to make with eleven special characters and 12,000 numbers attached.

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This suggestion comes by way of one of our editors, Nicki Ogaki.

Passwords are great, there's no question about it. They protect our private information. But with all the rules around passwords, one slip of the memory can launch you into a Sisyphean journey through every version of that same password you use for everything.

Did you add a question mark the last time you forgot? Did you change that three to a four? You might as well just start over from the beginning.

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8. Lying to ourselves about how much we're about to eat.

Instagram | @dylanclarkmoore

Don't get me wrong, I think overeating is clearly not a great thing. But I also think that lying to yourself about it is a recipe for disaster.

I'm literally typing this after my second Oreo of the day, and it's currently 10 a.m. The smart choice would be to just not eat cookies for breakfast. But I'm always able to justify it by saying it's just a treat this one time. It's obviously not. I'll be eating more Golden Oreos before lunchtime.

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9. Checking the time when you're waiting for something.

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I know this may sound counter-intuitive, but hear me out. Think about the last time you were waiting for something — whether it was a bus, or an Uber, or some food, or an appointment. How many times did you check the time?

Now, if you can tell me a single time you've ever looked at the time when you were waiting for something and it made you feel good? Never, right? All it does it make you feel stressed out, like you're being robbed of your too-little and valuable time on earth. So just, I dunno, relax and read a book or something.

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10. Saying, "We should get coffee sometime!"

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Oh, shut up. You're not going to get coffee. If you actually want to get coffee, then instead of talking about making a plan, just make a plan.

There's a 95% chance that the two of you are holding a calendar in your pocket right now on your phone. Just make a plan or stop pretending that you actually want to meet up again.

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11. Yelling at other drivers.

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Sometimes it can feel really good to let your frustrations out. But you know when's not a good time to do that? When you're trapped inside of a small metal box that you're just filling up with your spewing rage.The other driver isn't going to hear you, and they'd probably just knock you out if they did? So, I dunno, chill. Listen to a podcast or something.

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12. Staring at the menu and going "uhhhhhhh" for 15 seconds before ordering at a fast food restaurant.

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This one's really crazy. Even if you know what you want, even if you order the same thing literally every time, you still end up scanning that bad boy for...what, exactly?

Hoping you'll see something new? Checking that they didn't randomly stop selling Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers without telling you? Why?

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13. Complaining about trick or treaters being too old.

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Every single person who owns a house turns into a grumpy old man come Halloween as they start gatekeeping the appropriate age for trick-or-treating.Why are we all being so protective of our candy? We're adults, we can buy our own candy! Why are we begrudging these kids having some fun?

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14. Holding onto clothes we're never going to wear again.

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I'm not talking about holding to things for sentimental reasons. I'm talking about the clothes you're pretending that you're going to fit into again or the bar clothes that you're telling yourself you'll wear again when you remember how to be fun.It's just not going to happen, so respect your closet space.

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15. Trying to fart discretely.

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Sure, this may seem like an uncouth way of wrapping up this article, but it's true. I don't care how you do it, whether it's a lean or just a scrunched up look on your face.Everyone knows what you're doing. So either excuse yourself from the room or hold it in. Or hey, even own it. I'd respect that more than your attempts at deception.

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16. Smacking the TV remote when it doesn't work properly.

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Presumably, your parents or some kind of caregiver has told you that violence doesn't solve anything. And it's true. With the exception of old tube TVs, nothing has ever started working better after getting hit. And yet, before trying to swap out batteries, I always show my TV remote the back of my hand.*

*Apparently this is actually a thing that does work. It's commonly called "concussive maintenance" and sometimes a good whack really does just slide the batteries into place. Well, there you go!

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